ford jokes as if the car is enough of a joke

[muffman001]

Want to laugh at Ford? Here are some Ford jokes, as if the car isn't a big enough joke in itself!!

The Ford AU ute has cup and thermos holders built into the tailgate. So when you push the ute you can have a drink at the same time.

Friends don't let friends drive Fords.

If all the vehicles in New Zealand were 'Built Ford Tough', the shoulders of New Zealand's highways would be a much more crowded place.




Have you driven over a Ford lately?

Have you outdriven a Ford lately?
This is Holden country and on quiet nights you can hear Fords rusting.

I could never keep a Ford under me, I was always under the Ford.

I'd rather push a Holden than drive a Ford.

Ford Escort me to a Holden dealer.

Buy a Ford and you buy the 'best'. Drive a mile and walk the rest.
Sometimes the best jokes are true. On May 12, Ford announced a recall on it's Expeditions and F-series trucks. Faulty lug nuts could cause the tyres to FALL OFF. It just keeps getting better.
SPEED KILLS
Drive a Ford and live forever.
A man pulled up next to a little girl walking home from school and said "If you get in, I'll give you a lollypop." The girl kept walking. Following along slowly, the man said "Come on and get in the car with me and I'll give you two lolly pops." She kept her eyes on the sidewalk and continued on her way. The man said "Get in with me and I'll give you this whole bag of lollypops!" Finally, the girl turned and said "Look daddy, YOU bought the Ford, YOU ride in it!!"
If you're baffled why Ford is actually competing in ATCC, don't be. They have teams of mechanics working around the clock for a week, just so they can run a race.
Ashes to ashes,
Dust to dust,
If is wasn't for Ford
our tools would be rust.

Next time some Ford fanatic claims Ford means "First on race day" remind them that anything could be fast if a team of mechanics worked on it all week so it would last long enough to run a race before needing another weeks work.
Have you ever seen a ford pick-up, they must of been out there for hours. Thanks to T. Pickering.
Flawed Falcon
Thanks to spitfire.
Driving a ford is like the special olympics....even if you win your still a retard
Thanks to S Quiritis
The people who say they would rather push a Ford than drive a Holden usually do.

That's not a leak, my Ford's just marking its territory!

Ford...At least they circled the problem.

Did you know that Ford has a new magnetised bumper?
They needed something to pick up the parts that fell off along the way.

God make shit, Ford gave it wheels
Thanks to Gordon Povey
Did you know that 98% of all Fords ever built are still on the road?
The other 2% made it home!!
Thanks to Ted Church
Sex is good, Sex is golden, Sex is done in the back of a Holden, if you dont like it or if you get bored, be a faggot and **** in a ford.
Thanks to Leanne Shaw who received it from Shayn Rencher
FPV stands for ****en Povarse Vehicles
Thanks to John & Helen
Keep out motorways clear, beautiful and user friendly.
So leave your Ford at home.
Thanks to Lynda O'Dwyer
A guy walks into a service station and says to the attendant
"hey have you got a petrol cap for a ford"
and the attendant says "yeah sure sounds like a fair swap"
Thanks to jdc

God created shit and ford made it move
Thanks to Stephen Boyd

Q: How do you double the value of a Ford?
A: Put gas in it.
Q: How is a golf ball different from a Ford?
A: You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.
Q: Why are there footpaths beside streets?
A: So Ford owners have a safe place to walk home.
Q: Why is New Zealand so far in debt?
A: Jenny Shipley gets chauffered in a Ford.
Q: How much wood could a Ford ute haul if a Ford ute could haul wood?
A: As much as the Holden ute towing it.

Q: Why are the new Ford Falcons more aerodynamic?
A: So they will save the Holden petrol when the Holden tows them away.

Q: How come Ford makes tractors and Holden doesn't?
A: Holden can't get one to run that slow!

Q: What does the GT stand for on a Ford?
A: Glued together!
Q: Why did Ford start putting magnetic bumpers on the back of Ford pick-ups? -
A: So it would catch all the parts that fell off the guys Ford pick-up.
Thanks to T, Pickering for this one.
Q: How long does it take for a ford falcon to drive from Sydney to Melbourne?
A: Depends on how fast the car carrier takes to get there!
Thanks to RD & AV for this one.
Q: What kind of car did Fred Flinstone drive?
A: A ford of course, and it ain't much different now!
Thanks to RD & AV for this one.
Q: How long can a ford go for with out repairs?
A: Depends if you can leave the ford dealer.
Thanks to Christian Purkiss for this one.
Q: Why does a ford and a tin can have in common?
A: They both rust just as far.
Thanks to Rebecca Nelson for this one.

Q: What does BA stand for?
A: Bad Automobile.
Thanks to Warped_Youth for this one.
Q: What does a ford and a tampon have in common?
A: They both come with tow ropes.
Thanks to Stephen Boyd for this one.
Q: Why are new fords so aerodynamic?
A: So the tow trucks save fuel while the ford is on the back.
Thanks to jdc
Q: How do you tell a ford owner?
A: He/She is the one with the sad face walking down the street.
Thanks to jdc
Q: What do you call someone who buys a secondhand ford?
A: Scrap Dealer
Thanks to Kylie

Q: What do you call a ford at the top of a hill?
A: A miracle
Thanks to Kylie

Q (a): What does a ford buyer do to look sophisticated?
A (a): Wears dark glasses
Q (b): But how do you tell the ford buyer from all the other people with dark glasses?
A (b): He's the one with the white stick.
Thanks to Kylie
Q: What does AU stand for?
A: Absolutely Ugly
Thanks to Bradley Burbiak

Q: What does BA stand for?
A: Bloody Awful
Thanks to Bradley Burbiak
Ford acronyms:
F O R D
Found On Rubbish Dump
Fix Or Repair Daily
Fails On Rainy Days
Fails On Race Day
Found On Roadside Dead
Failure Of Research & Development
Found On Road Deserted
Fast Only Running Downhill
Factory Ordered Road Disaster
Factory Ordered Rebuilt Datsun
Flip Over Read Directions
Four Old Rusted Doors
Ford Owner Really Dumb
For Only Retarded Drivers
Ford Owners Recommend Datsun (Dodge)
Flipped Over Russian Dunebuggy
For Off Road Death
Fords Only Run Downhill
Fat Old Rusted Dog
Freaking Old Rusted Dodge (Datsun)
Forget Out Running Datsuns
For Old Retarded Drivers - Thanks to Andrew
****ed On Race Day - Thanks to James
Found On Rangi's Drive - Thanks to Jamie
First On Recycle Day - Thanks to Troy Knight
Full Of Rusty Dents - Thanks to Jafo
Ford Owners Root Dogs - Thanks to Jafo
Found Outside Reject Depot - Thanks to Jafo
Flies Off Road Deliberately - Thanks to Jafo
Fish Out River Daily - Thanks to Jafo
****er Only Runs Downhill - Thanks to John Hamilton
Or in reverse...
D R O F
Drivers Return On Foot
Don't Ride Over Fifty
Danged Roaches Outrun Ford
Datsun Rules Over Ford
Pinto acronyms...
P I N T O
Paid Inspector Nicely To Overlook
Put In New Transmission Often
Put In Nickel To Operate
If one or more of these is true, unfortunately, you are driving a Ford...
You look in your rear-view mirror to see two people with their hands on your tailgate.
You constantly receive sympathy cards from the Department of Transportation.
When you are walking across the parking lot, you see a priest performing last rights on your car.
While stopped at traffic lights, other motorists offer to help push to get you started again.
You have preferred customer status at Repco Auto Parts.
You have to stop along side the road at least once a day to pick up parts that have fallen off.
You leave your keys in the ignition and a $20 bill on the dash for gas money in hopes that someone will steal your car.
When you drive though town, people stop what they are doing and just start laughing.
People try to hire you to bring your truck to their house to fog for mosquitos.
In place of a spare tire, you find a pair of running shoes.

[Bax]

Why did I waste my time reading that?

[jetspin_vn]

Its the same list, gets copied and pasted every few months...

[gemini]

Why did I waste my time reading that?

You too ?

[fordlaserboy]

Yeah i agree what a waste of time reading that. So many of those jokes are holdens jokes with the names reversed.

[jetspin_vn]

No no, they were all ford jokes to start with trust me.

[ClairBear]

Yeah i agree what a waste of time reading that. So many of those jokes are holdens jokes with the names reversed.

Hey fordlaserboy,

Obviously by your nick and the comment in your post, your a f**d lover. Why are you posting on a commodore site? Ahhh, I guess your over here drooling over our fine cars. Good work dude and enjoy

C.

[Torana]

Yeah lol this is copied every few months... maybe I'll see it again in June............ lol

[nathanb]

KH Laser? Now that's a funny joke! My grandma drives a KH Laser!

[Torana]

hehehehehehehehehehehe but really I think we should give him a break. I browse a Ford forum... I reckon just as long as he doesn't tease us with Ford vs Holden wars he should be OK. And judging by this thread I don't think he'll be starting much shit against Holden...

[ucwepn]

Fake performance vehicles FPV
Fake performance racing FPR
Fraud falcon

I'm stumped LOL

[UNR8D]

meah as has been said they are just holden jokes with the names reversed, seen it done for mitsu to begin with

HSV - Herpies Simplex Virus - i just dont want one

meah have to stir the pot somehow :P

[VNBOY]

meah as has been said they are just holden jokes with the names reversed, seen it done for mitsu to begin with

HSV - Herpies Simplex Virus - i just dont want one

meah have to stir the pot somehow :P

lol, its your full-time job UNR8D :P


the jokes were very good, i will remember them at the traffic lights before i blow away yet another falcon ( still undefeated, by a 6 cylinder falcon :P )

[UNR8D]

lol, its your full-time job UNR8D :P


the jokes were very good, i will remember them at the traffic lights before i blow away yet another falcon ( still undefeated, by a 6 cylinder falcon :P )

I will hunt you down at a set of lights boy :P and i will have great pleasure in hammering ur VN and at hwy speeds, embarrising you hehe

never asked where are you from btw dude?

[burnz]

there's an old rusted ford made of rubber tin and board allong the road to gundigia the radiator's missing the petrol pump is pissing as the holden drives on bye

[N.Z]

UNR8D: good on ya stickin up for the fords

[dv8-01]

UNR8D: good on ya stickin up for the fords

some one has to do it ay

[ElDubya]

Some of those were pretty funny.

[AUIIXR]

lol, its your full-time job UNR8D :P


the jokes were very good, i will remember them at the traffic lights before i blow away yet another falcon ( still undefeated, by a 6 cylinder falcon :P )

find that hard to believe m8

[Twin_Bangerz]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Those were crackers! The one I liked the most was:

Q. What does BA stand for?
A. Bloody Awful!

[VNBOY]

I will hunt you down at a set of lights boy :P and i will have great pleasure in hammering ur VN and at hwy speeds, embarrising you hehe

never asked where are you from btw dude?

im from SA.

i like it when i get you angry even somewhat mildly.

seeing as your not in SA i better come to you, your car might break down a few times on the way (joke)

[VNBOY]

find that hard to believe m8

seriously, i dont know if its an adelaide thing, but i havent seen any decent 6 cylinder fords anywhere :O.

trust me, i give credit where it is due, and personally i think its hard to believe too, i dunno, i let experience do the talking rather than those people that theorise (no saying you are)

and just so you know, i have taken a few AU's, i wiped the floor with one the other day and there were two of us in the car!

not having a personal go though, so dont take it like that (hell my mum has a falcon)

[Bax]

Holdens aren't the worlds best car.. Remember that.

[AUIIXR]

seriously, i dont know if its an adelaide thing, but i havent seen any decent 6 cylinder fords anywhere :O.

trust me, i give credit where it is due, and personally i think its hard to believe too, i dunno, i let experience do the talking rather than those people that theorise (no saying you are)

and just so you know, i have taken a few AU's, i wiped the floor with one the other day and there were two of us in the car!

not having a personal go though, so dont take it like that (hell my mum has a falcon)

trust me m8 there aint a chance u will be an AU XR or even EF-EL XR for that matter im sure its not an adelaide thing either AU XR 1480/162kw 5sp is wat i have im not sure on the specs for ur VN btw im talkin standard spec to might be hard though cause urs is older and prob modded mines stock for the moment

[AUIIXR]

Holdens aren't the worlds best car.. Remember that.

yeah i wrote it down and took a picture :b: