Funny things kids do and say

[Troy711]

My better half took this 'story' off one of her kids at school yesterday. It was written by one of the little shit heads about another kid who is Indian and his name is Amogh. I've kept the spelling and punctuation the same as he wrote.

once there was a monkey called AMOGH. He got Diarea more than 10000 times. One day he saw a Person with a ice cream. when the Person is not looking AMOGH pood and peed on the ice cream. the person thinks is only a chocolate ice cream. so he eat it and taste yum. next day he got diarea everyday.

I duno't know about you but I rofl'ed pretty damn hard when I read it

[(CODEZ)]

kids say the darndest things lol
haha thats hilarious

[pow3rslave]

i wish i could have had a recording device or someone around to record the most hilarious thing i heard a kid say.

*walking in toy section at myer*
~5 year old, to mother: I wish i could kill myself.
in the most innocent, singsong voice (not dull/sad like eeyore. but like you'd go 'i wish i had a racecar')
the mother flipped and went all 'what did you say! what did you say!'

always wondered where he picked it up from.

[nicko]

in a reception/year 1 class when speaking about bullies at school.

teacher (my mum): Has anyone ever seen a bully before?
child: Yes, a bully came to my house in africa and cut my mum and dads heads off.


Makes you wonder what some of these refugees have been through when i 5 year old says that.

[XStatic64]

[Rossbx]

I got this in an email this afternoon and thought it was pretty good...

A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall.
By Shannon Popkin

My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and does it
quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we are in the library,
the grocery store or at a drive-thru window. People often comment on how
clearly he speaks for a just-turned-3-year-old. And you never have to ask
him to turn up the volume. It's always fully cranked. There have been
several embarrassing times that I've wished the meaning of his words would
have been masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never have I wished this
more than last week at Costco.

Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with me
into the restroom. If you'd been one of the ladies in the restroom that
evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second to the
last stall:

''Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on
the
potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now? Mommy, what
are you doing? Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?''

At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in the
bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full .. 4? 5? Maybe we could
wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of this stall
and
reveal my identity.

Cade continued: ''Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you? Oh, dats a good
girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the potty?
Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh...Mommy! I'm trying to see In dere. Oh!
I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna get some candy!''

I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of me.
Where is a screaming new born when you need her? Good grief. This was
really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a long time before
exiting. Trying to divert him, I said, ''Why don't you look in Mommy's
purse
and see if you can find some candy. We'll both have some!''

''No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies...Oh! Mommy!''

He started to gag at this point.

''Uh - oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up. Mommy, doze stinkies
are making me frow up!! Dat is so gross!!''

As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall.. I quickly
flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the
subject. I began to reason with myself: OK. There are four other toilets.
If I count four flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who
overheard this embarrassing monologue will be long gone.

''Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going
stinkies! Get up! Get up!''

He grunted as he tried to pull me off. Now I could hear full-blown
laughter.
I bent down to count the feet outside my door. ''Oh, are you wooking under
dere, Mommy? You wooking under da door? What were you wooking at? Mommy?
You
wooking at the wady's feet?''

More laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the
situation.

''Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now, Mommy.''
He started pounding on the door. ''Mommy, don't you want to wash your
hands? I want to go out!!''

I saw that my wait 'em out' plan was unraveling. I sheepishly opened the
door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty ladies crowded
around the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud.

My first thought was complete embarrassment, then I thought, where's the
fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed away every bit of my
dignity and privacy? But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin while
he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought, I'd sign
it all away again, just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow.

(Shannon Popkin is a freelance writer and mother of three She lives with
her
family in Grand Rapids , Michigan , where she no longer uses public
restrooms)

[TVR-190]

what dou you like to play?

kid: pokemon

POKEMON

with the dar der dur blap blap *flaps arm like chicken

[Tom_1569]

My nephew(aged 5) always comes out with the most random shit, we dont know where he gets it from. (probably his uncle )

One night I was suppose to go out ot his place and have drinks with his step-dad, anyways I had a headache and couldnt be bothered driving, so I rang up and had to tell my nephew I wasnt coming, I wish I could add the tone of voice, but anyway convo as follows:

Me: Hey, Wat r you up to?
Him: Just sitting by the fire waiting for you to come out
Me: Oh, Im sorry but Im not coming out.
Him: Waaaaaaaaahhhhh *Slight Pause*... YOUR A SOFTC*CK!

Next second everyone is in absolute fits of laughter and no one could keep a straight face to tell him off for swearing.

[Sharoo]

I have 2 little girls so I have a lot..lol

This-
YouTube - Lily Singing..

*Me- Lily what are you eating?
Lily- Boogars

*Someone didnt give way at a roundabout and I slammed my brakes on and yelled out f-wit.
So for the next few months everytime I braked my little sweetheart in the back repeated it..

*I was watching TV with my nephew (I think he was 4) and there was some african american guys playing in a band or something (it as on ABC) and he told me that their skin was that colour from drinking dirty water. (all the World Vision Ads were on all the time)

* Everytime I pull the camera out this is the face she pulls-

I worry because everyone says she looks like me..lol

I have heaps but can't think of them atm..

[pow3rslave]

i'm pretty sure everyone's seen this by now, but still belongs in this thread
YouTube - David After Dentist

[delcowizzid]

that poor buggers wasted as LOL "is this gonna last forever i had to laugh"

[holdensupporter2005]

YouTube - Kick His Ask!

[levymetal]

i once went out with a girl who's brother had autism. he only seemed to pick up the bad things people say, never the good things. it's bad to laugh, but you really can't help it.

in the morning, he gets up, first thing he says "good morning mum bitch"

his mum would be watering the garden, he'd go outside and say "ah mum you alcoholic"

he'd constantly tell me that he was putting the lime in the coconut

so many other memories! he was awesome

[MikesCalais]

Lawlz at the hores one hahah just too good.

This is why i actually like having all my little cousins around, one of them is bound to say something so funny it makes my day..

last time one of my little cousins was over she wanted to get in my car (shes 3 but looks, sounds, and acts as if shes at least 5). her dad was in the passanger seat, my dad in the drivers seat, and me and her in the back. she wanted to get behind the steering wheel so she tried to climb over, but she couldnt fit..

she said in such a sweet little voice to my dad 'oh, i cant fit because youve got a big stomach' haha ahhh we were in stitches