The bird feeder

[Lumps of cheese]

I bought a bird feeder.. I hung it on my patio and filled it lovingly with seed... It was indeed a beautiful bird feeder.

Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food.

But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue..

Then came the bird shit. It was everywhere; on the patio tiles, the chairs, the table ...everywhere!

Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket.

And other birds were boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food.

After a while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio.

Soon, the back yard was like it used to be ... quiet, serene and no one demanding their rights to a free meal...

Now let's see ......Rudd & our government give out free food, subsidised housing, free medical care, and free education and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen.

Then the illegals came by the millions. Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for the free services; small flats are housing 5 or more families; you have to wait 6 hours to be seen by a doctor in an emergency surgery because it is filled with illegal non tax payers; your child's year 12 class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak English.

Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to 'press one' to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than 'The Australian flag' are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties.

Its just my opinion but: maybe, just maybe, it's time for the government to take down the damn bird feeder..

[willkill41]

I couldn't agree more.

[Chris E]

Agree x100000

[kane88]

Why is this in the jokes section?

[D-Man]

+100!!!!!!

[Lumps of cheese]

Why is this in the jokes section?

Yeah my bad, should've stuck it in the pub. Mabye a mad will move it

[kane88]

Not having a stab at you, I think this is a really good point, I just didn't quite understand if you were having a bit of a go or putting across a serious argument.

[Dum*P*ster]

hahahah gota agree..

but, as for the housing bit. keep it .. rent in this town is painful. lol

[Lumps of cheese]

Not having a stab at you, I think this is a really good point, I just didn't quite understand if you were having a bit of a go or putting across a serious argument.

Given i think this goverments handling of immigration is a joke, then that's where i put it

[GAMBLR]

Love it! +1

[minux]

moved to pub, belongs here.

Watch everyone call you racist now juzo :P

[Julie]

here here juzo

[southy]

RACIST!!

Na i couldnt agree more.

[Garth]

Given i think this goverments handling of immigration is a joke, then that's where i put it

how would you do it differntly

[Julie]

Target practice for the navy, sure a few would die but they would get the message and I'm sure they would stop coming

[minux]

how would you do it differntly

Garth, sink them, they are entering waters illegally. Why should us Tax payers be burdened with the debts of Illegal immigrants? Currently we spend almost 900 million a year on supplying these border jumpers with centrelink benefits etc. Either wait in line and come when your invited or be sunk.

Id much rather see that money KRudd hands over spent on people in this country who require it.

[Grennan]

+1 for target practice. For all we know they are pirates.

[fuzzy2308]

i was enjoing the nice read about the kind man who was feeding the birds and then it turns to potiticall shit.

but i see your point and agree with it %100

[Grennan]

What about this one, its somewhat similar.

REST OF THE WORLD VERSION

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the
cold.

THE END

THE AUSTRALIAN VERSION

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are
cold and starving.

The ABC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.

The Australian press informs people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.

The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Housing Commission of Australia demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house.
The ABC, interrupting a cultural festival special from St Kilda with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome".

Bill Shorten rants in an interview with Laurie Oakes that the squirrel got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge for squirrels to enter Melbourne city centre.

In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to
the beginning of the summer. The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders, for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.

The grasshopper is provided with a Housing Commission house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re-distributed to the more needy members of society - in this case the grasshopper.

Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and
utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Australia as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of
Australians' apparent love of dogs.

The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to make them return to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a
scam to obtain money from people's credit cards.

A 60 Minutes special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the Housing Commission house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't
bothered to maintain it.
He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshopper's drug "Illness". The cats seek recompense in the Australian courts for their treatment since arrival in Australia.

The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him.

Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.

A commission of inquiry, that will eventually cost $10 million and state the obvious, is set up. Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers. Legal aid for lawyers
representing asylum seekers is increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching Australia's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to
befriend the cats.

The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison.
They call for the resignation of a minister.

The cats are paid $1 million each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in Australia.

The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order, and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in goverentment funding.

[Jesterarts]

What about this one, its somewhat similar.

REST OF THE WORLD VERSION

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the
cold.

THE END

THE AUSTRALIAN VERSION

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are
cold and starving.

The ABC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.

The Australian press informs people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.

The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Housing Commission of Australia demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house.
The ABC, interrupting a cultural festival special from St Kilda with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome".

Bill Shorten rants in an interview with Laurie Oakes that the squirrel got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge for squirrels to enter Melbourne city centre.

In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to
the beginning of the summer. The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders, for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.

The grasshopper is provided with a Housing Commission house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re-distributed to the more needy members of society - in this case the grasshopper.

Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and
utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Australia as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of
Australians' apparent love of dogs.

The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to make them return to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a
scam to obtain money from people's credit cards.

A 60 Minutes special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the Housing Commission house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't
bothered to maintain it.
He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshopper's drug "Illness". The cats seek recompense in the Australian courts for their treatment since arrival in Australia.

The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him.

Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.

A commission of inquiry, that will eventually cost $10 million and state the obvious, is set up. Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers. Legal aid for lawyers
representing asylum seekers is increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching Australia's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to
befriend the cats.

The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison.
They call for the resignation of a minister.

The cats are paid $1 million each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in Australia.

The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order, and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in goverentment funding.

That was brilliant.

I completely agree with Juzo too, I got bored about the bird about half way through but I'm glad I read the whole thing in the end. Very clever.

I also agree with the solution for the boat people being navy target practise.

Australia should be much more aggressive in defending its borders from invasion.

We already have enough people mooking off tax payer dollars.

[Lumps of cheese]

how would you do it differntly

Garth, i'm sick and tired of people thinking that they have the right to jump on shithouse boats and paddle their way across here. They obviously have the money to buy passage on these boats so why can't they wait their turn in line like everyone else?
Surely genuine refugees can be processed off shore and placed here if they are classed as such. These people who are threatening to kill themselves unless they can land here are not the type of people i would want to rub shoulders with.
Sorry about the rant. I've just ****en had enough.

[minux]

Garth, i'm sick and tired of people thinking that they have the right to jump on shithouse boats and paddle their way across here. They obviously have the money to buy passage on these boats so why can't they wait their turn in line like everyone else?
Surely genuine refugees can be processed off shore and placed here if they are classed as such. These people who are threatening to kill themselves unless they can land here are not the type of people i would want to rub shoulders with.
Sorry about the rant. I've just ****en had enough.

juzo, what many people do not comprehend is that in fact, these people are not political refugees, they are financial refugee's. They pass so many countries where they can seek asylum, but because they dont hand out, they do not turn off, they keep on coming. We seen this same problem when Labor was last in power, Mr Howard fixed the issue somewhat which slowed these people down, KRudd gets in and like the tosser he is reverses the laws to allow free passage with benefits.

[Lumps of cheese]

juzo, what many people do not comprehend is that in fact, these people are not political refugees, they are financial refugee's. They pass so many countries where they can seek asylum, but because they dont hand out, they do not turn off, they keep on coming. We seen this same problem when Labor was last in power, Mr Howard fixed the issue somewhat which slowed these people down, KRudd gets in and like the tosser he is reverses the laws to allow free passage with benefits.

Yeah that's true. Prehaps drop kruddy on one of those boats for mediation, then send the torpedo.

[Grennan]

Yeah now, if a male is granted asylum he has the right to bring his family here, thats why you dont see a whole lot of females on these boats.

But Juzo hit the nail on the head, the boatload who set fire to their own boat has been granted asylum. They poured petrol all over the deck, set it on fire killing many on board. These people are now able to walk amongst us.

I am sorry if i am somewhat judgmental of these people but if they are willing to set their own boat on fire, I don't want them in my community.

[456adam]

x2 Juzo couldn't agree more.