Trust Issues

[Deutscher]

Hi all,

Anyone got any recommendations on getting trust in a relationship?

I've been with my gf for 7yrs, 1st yr she went off to a party with some guy tat had the hots for her, didn't tell me and I found out cause there was a msg on her phone, saying he had a good time last nite (she told me nothing happened, I believed her), hence... trust broken... anyway, its not the first time she hadn't told me things but its the most serious...now this not telling me things isn't relevent anymore (so after a certain time, things become irrelevant, according to her girlfriends).

She's going on holiday with her folks to bali, It's a family holiday, 7yrs together and I'm not part of the family (me and her mum don't get along, she tells my gf to dump me cause you cant be with the same person all your life, we are both our firsts). Me and her father get a long, its for his 50th birthday and he asked If I was coming along, he presumed I was. Her mum's been trying to get rid of me for ages.

The other day the gf tells me that her sisters friends are going, I then ask when did you know this, she says a week ago, I ask, why didn't u tell me then, ... she says... I forgot... now she tells me to trust her.

I'm finding it really hard to trust her after she hadn't told me things. Especially something like this. Now we are in the verge of breaking up.

Anyone got some advice?

[I drive a VL Commodore]

The only thing worth putting your trust into is a Commodore. While she's away being seduced by male dancers you can be on a round-Australia road trip with 3 of your best mates enjoying a boys' own adventure Top Gear style.

[Kirbs]

While she is away get as much vagina as possible.

[ScoHar]

Bugger, I have found in relationships once that trust issue is brought up it doesn't go away, and most of my relationships have ended this way. but in saying that, thats just me i don't trust people easily.

[coolngroovy]

I then ask when did you know this, she says a week ago, I ask, why didn't u tell me then, ... she says... I forgot... now she tells me to trust her.

Did she not tell you because she knew how you would react?
Is this a trust issue??....or are you dealing with your own insecurities?

[minux]

I'd get rid of her, you dont want in-laws who dislike you.

If she actually loved you she would of fought to have you there regardless of the bitch of a mother

Take it as a sign and get out while you can.

[Tim Smtih]

If it's too hard and you're not interested, walk away you will be saving many dollars and sleepless nights. If you are interested you need to think long and hard about your potential future with her. You both need to be able to communicate about absolutely everything, no matter what the subject may be. And if she cannot be truthful with you at all times where do you think it will end, small lies often become big ones wouldn't you agree? It's not at all good for your self esteem, not to mention the fact that somewhere down the track you might come home to find the locks changed and your stuff on the sidewalk. Also the mother sounds like she is only exacerbating the problem, does your girlfriend buy into any of what she is saying? Perhaps that's part of the reason why she acts and treats you the way she does. Maybe go and put the hard word on the mother to keep her nose out of other peoples problems.

And when all else fails. Get your mates around for beers and the movie "Predator". Never fails.

Edit - And in regards to what Minux wrote. My now wife defended me many a time and still does when the in-laws are being stroppy.

[Julie]

Honestly I would have a break from the relationship, give yourself and her an opportunity to figure out if its something you both want so you don't end up wasting another 7 years together if its not going to work. I was with my partner since we were 15 and now we're happily married but we took a break for about amonth because he seemed to have other priorities and was feeling smothered and just wanted to go out partying with mates. Was hard at the time for me to let go but after a few weeks when he saw me starting to go out and have fun and other males showing interest in me he was begging me to take him back lol

Maybe she thinks the grass is greener on the other side being single and acting like it. I reckon let her go and if its meant to be it will

[HoldrodeoLT]

while she is away get as much vagina as possible.

rofl!!!....

[nick3110]

it seems like the "mother-in-law" is being a puppet master..

he should be part of the family.. in the majority of relationships, the partner generally comes before friends with family trips.. but it seems like her mother is a bitch.

but yeh, best thing to do, don't worry about whats happening in bali.. just grab some of your mates (if your girlfriend hasn't driven them away), and yeh go out and blow a shitload of money on piss and boobs lol..

[coolngroovy]

and yeh go out and blow a shitload of money on piss and boobs lol..

I think your GF will be pissed off if she comes home from Bali & finds you with silicon implants.

[Garth]

7 yrs and no trust. your in a relationship based on a lie. you need to cut ties and move on. because in 7 more years time you will make another thread and it will be like this

ive been with my g/f for 14 yrs..................

personal choice, but if after 7 yrs you have trust issues, do yourself a favour and move on.
dont ruin her holiday and break up before hand, wait till she gets back and chat to her, if it fails to resolve the problem, then it's time to move on.

[Holdfast]

Mate, you already know what to do!

If your chick is going OS without you or you don't feel welcome it's time to say goodbye.

Any woman that has other numbers, flirts or disrespects you in any way is not worth the trouble.

Find a lady that likes you and no one else. Find a family that likes you and wants you to be part of their family.

Get some balls, standup and don't take so much crap from people.

Do you have alcohol or drug problems? (If so get help) Do you have a job? (If not get off your arse)

Most Mother-In-Laws have a very good understanding of blokes. She doesn't like you because there are reasons!

Analyse your self, try not to worry though, just improve what you can to your standards not other peoples.

You only get one shot at life, so be happy, shrug off shit that isn't for you or doesn't work.

Get rid of this woman, have a break, have some fun, and start saying no.

PS: There's plenty of hot shiellas in Perth.

[Deutscher]

Honestly I would have a break from the relationship, give yourself and her an opportunity to figure out if its something you both want so you don't end up wasting another 7 years together if its not going to work. I was with my partner since we were 15 and now we're happily married but we took a break for about amonth because he seemed to have other priorities and was feeling smothered and just wanted to go out partying with mates. Was hard at the time for me to let go but after a few weeks when he saw me starting to go out and have fun and other males showing interest in me he was begging me to take him back lol

Maybe she thinks the grass is greener on the other side being single and acting like it. I reckon let her go and if its meant to be it will

it's kind of the opposite for us, shes the one gon break up, first I was but now she is... after I decided to trust her. I think she thinks I smother her.

We went to a club in queensland one time, I was standing next to my gf holding hands, some guy was trying to hit on her! I've not keen on her going clubbing etc especially with the people she with, and she gets smashed in 2 drinks.

[shiftySLE]

I'd get rid of her, you dont want in-laws who dislike you.

If she actually loved you she would of fought to have you there regardless of the bitch of a mother

Take it as a sign and get out while you can.

Agreed, I've been where you are for years, no trust issues but the inlaws (mother-in-law) caused hell for five years solid, your gf should be on your side, if you end up together, your partnet is the one person you should always be able to fall back on.
As for the trust, if you are not an over-paranoid person, then your suspicions are probably right.
I'd dump her quicker than a clutch in 1000hp commodore!!!!

[Deutscher]

Agreed, I've been where you are for years, no trust issues but the inlaws (mother-in-law) caused hell for five years solid, your gf should be on your side, if you end up together, your partnet is the one person you should always be able to fall back on.
As for the trust, if you are not an over-paranoid person, then your suspicions are probably right.
I'd dump her quicker than a clutch in 1000hp commodore!!!!

haha.
for the past 7 months, we have planned/designed got finance approval and everything to build a house together and move out. I live 45 minutes from her place and generally only see her on the weekends. and she told me she wants us to spend more time together with her family.

The holiday was planned for like 2 months now, a week before they fly out, I get informed that her sisters soccer friends are goin to be there, mayb I am over-paranoid, but I wasn't allowed to go and her mother wud do anything to get rid of me.... apparently the boys going to b there is a coincidence... but I'm not sure If I believe that line .... it's pretty coincidental that they go there at the exact same time, to the exact same place...

[Tim Smtih]

For goodness sakes man don't do it. Line up some mates you trust and do a share arrangement. The worst you could expect is that they won't clean up after themselves. What are the chances of your girlfriend hanging around for the life of the mortgage, slim i would presume.

[Deutscher]

For goodness sakes man don't do it. Line up some mates you trust and do a share arrangement. The worst you could expect is that they won't clean up after themselves. What are the chances of your girlfriend hanging around for the life of the mortgage, slim i would presume.

Geee man, your pretty straight forward there aye. Bout the house... if all fails.. the house should be worth more than our loan was for

[shiftySLE]

Too many if and buts, I've been with my now wife for 11 years and dont have trust issues, I dont think you should have any before you even move in together, trust me you are in each other face a lot more when you live together.

Maybe you add a poll.

[Deutscher]

Mate, you already know what to do!

If your chick is going OS without you or you don't feel welcome it's time to say goodbye.

Any woman that has other numbers, flirts or disrespects you in any way is not worth the trouble.

Find a lady that likes you and no one else. Find a family that likes you and wants you to be part of their family.

Get some balls, standup and don't take so much crap from people.

Do you have alcohol or drug problems? (If so get help) Do you have a job? (If not get off your arse)

Most Mother-In-Laws have a very good understanding of blokes. She doesn't like you because there are reasons!

Analyse your self, try not to worry though, just improve what you can to your standards not other peoples.

You only get one shot at life, so be happy, shrug off shit that isn't for you or doesn't work.

Get rid of this woman, have a break, have some fun, and start saying no.

PS: There's plenty of hot shiellas in Perth.

I don't got alcohol or drug problems, and I've got 2 jobs. Most likely reason her mum doesnt like me is because she tinks im too controlling, cus I don't want her goin to clubs n stuff because I don't like other guys members grinding on her while on the dance floor.

[coolngroovy]

So you've been together for 7yrs, & you haven't lived together, & you are buying a house together..... this thread is a G-up!

[Not_An_Abba_Fan]

Go there on your own. Don't stay with them, that way you have your GF and not the MIL.

[kane88]

Get some balls, standup and don't take so much crap from people.

Get rid of this woman, have a break, have some fun, and start saying no.

BAM! Harsh, but spot on the money.

Stop spending money on a woman that won't give you anything back and start spending money on a car that won't give you anyting back, you can always sell the car afterwards...
Seven years is too long to go without trust, but like it says above, don't ruin her holiday, let her down afterwards.

You know what needs to be done, now it's just a question of wether you've got the nuts for it or not...

[Deutscher]

So you've been together for 7yrs, & you haven't lived together, & you are buying a house together..... this thread is a G-up!

ye 7yrs... I'm 20. Second GF. Uni student, can't really afford to move out. Her parents moving to Mandurah.... like 1 1/2 hrs from us if we stay together! hopefully I wouldn't need to see them again.

We've travelled around Europe for 3 months alone.

[Deutscher]

anyone recon a councilor would help??