Physics Geek
New Dads gather here (mums too I guess)
Whether you want to brag about your new son/daughter/other, organise a meetup for newbie parents who want to get their children into Commodores from the day they come home from the hospital, or if you just need a place to post your concerns about being a parent.
Just got my little boy home from the hospital after a 10 day stay in the special care ward (bit of extra fluid on his lungs).
He's doing fine now, mum's doing fine too...
Me? Struggling, freaking out, worried about money, my job, my mortgage, not sleeping, eating or any of the good normal stuff that I used to do.
He was a planned baby (no accident), but somehow I just can't get the stress and worries out of the way enough to enjoy having my first child around.
My question...Any other newbie dads in the Northern Suburbs of Melbourne (around Greensborough would be best), who just want to have a beer with someone else going through the same things?
Feel free to post your stories about any new children in your lives, whether they be yours, adopted or from somewhere completely different. Something tells me there are lots of dads on this forum.
Gravity is proof that nature keeps getting us down.
As much as I love my little one, I regret not waiting another few years. I wish I would have waited until we paid off more of our house and got sorted out a bit more financially.
All the best to you and I guess I don't have to remind you that the next few years are going to be real, real tough financially and mentally (lack of sleep,etc)
Who wants chowder?
My kids are 7 and 5 but it seems like only yesterday i was at the hospital picking them up for the first time. Mate it's normal to freak a little with your first. I know i had trouble sleeping for the first week at home wondering if he was still breathing in his bassonet beside us
Apart from that, i must say that any worries i might have had before my eldest son was born was replaced by joy after his arrival, same with my younger boy, i can have a real shit day and come home knowing the kids are waiting for me and it makes it so worthwhile.
Enjoy it as much as you can, they grow up so quickly.
Torana Addict
As above. My kids are 7 and 5 as well, and they grow up that quick it's not funny.Originally Posted by Juzo
moderator- for now anyway
Congratulations
I'm a mum to 4 kids, an 11 yr old, 5 yr old, 3 month old and a little boy who couldn't stay with us (stillborn).
The first few weeks are very stressful but it does get better, just wait til your little man starts smiling, laughing and goo gaa'ing, babies get so much more enjoyable when they can interact with you rather than just eating sleeping and pooing. Don't sweat the small stuff and look after yourself, if you run yourself ragged you can't be on top of your game for your bub so try to chill out and eat properly. If you really feel you are struggling and its getting you down talk to your dr or one of those helplines, new dads can get post natal depression too if you google "Edinburgh Depression Scale" you will be able to find a quiz to do that helps identify if you are at risk your partner has probably done this test already but they tend to leave blokes out.
Physics Geek
Thanks to everyone for such quick replies, and serious ones at that.
@Julie. I'm so sorry to hear about your little boy who couldn't be with you. I've also found The Place for Postpartum Dads And Facts About Men With Postpartum Depression or Other Problems With Mood After Becoming A New Father which is a forum dedicated to helping dads who are struggling with Paternal Postpartum depression/anxiety. Unfortunately I haven't been able to find anything even remotely close to that in Australia.
Something I left out of my original post: I was diagnosed with an acute anxiety disorder almost 3 years ago.
I've been told that everything gets easier the longer it goes on, and that it becomes more rewarding, and happier, but at the moment...I'm dropping a kg a day in body weight, can't face the prospect of returning to work, but I'm panicked because I'm not at work...I'm putting all of my energy into holding myself together for the sake of my wife and child. The only problem is that it's killing me.
Gravity is proof that nature keeps getting us down.
I've got a 21 month old boy that I love more than anything.
2nd one due on Saturday!
Mouce, stop stressing and forget the mortgage. Everything always works out. Am I right?! Enjoy these first few days and months cos as mentioned above it'll fly by.
Round up ya mates and have a few beers at the Lower Plenty pub, if the missus let's ya!!!
Searching for the billion
Geez Mouce, try to take a deep breath and relax for a moment. You obviously want to be a good dad and thats 90% of the battle won.
I've got a little girl who's 2 and a half. The biggest things i learnt after having her was that to be a good parent you need to look after yourself too. The other thing is for the rest of the family to be tollerant of each other because it can be a bloody hard time ( fun but hard ). You don't get much sleep or time to cook or clean or go out and have fun. Just got to take the opportunities you get so when baby sleeps you sleep. Buy food thats quick and easy to cook. When we did cook, say spaghetti, we'd cook enough for 2 days so you don't need to cook tomorrow as well.
Long story, but when she was 1 i had a busy period at work, and we had a heat wave that week so i wasn't sleeping properly. Ended up having a car acco and writing off my commo. Luckily i walked away but it put a lot of things straight in my head ( must have been the whiplash )
Just enjoy your time with him and look after yourself too so you'll be around for many more years.
Tells it like it is.
Reaper 2.0 at 10 weeks
Kids are fantastic I was petrified when I found out savannah my daughter was on her way, I guess you go through so many mind setswhen you first find out you are expecting I know I did freaked out big time but honestly it just all falls together. I honestly thought I would be the worst dad I sleep through anything alarms misses kicking me she makes a tiny noise and I'm up so take a breath brother relax and just enjoy
Mine now 7 months with another on way she is currently in hospital really bad morning sickness so if u ever need someone to talk to hit me up
let me be the first to say... enjoy em while there young. ive got 2 step kids, daughter 16 and son 19. 16 year old just went on the pill and has a 17 year old boyfriend. the 19 year old is a warcraft bum who has no job and spends his days in pyjamas eating all the food in the house and trolling the internet on ventrillo (voice chat). as a bonus he showers every 3 days and looks like shaggy from scooby doo. daughter has random bitch fits flaring up my wifes migraines and ruining any chance of gettin some after work action pretty much 4 days a week. i love them the death and i agree kids are fantastic but teenagers are mentally ill lol. oh and you got a little bundle of joy there reaper, really cute
walks barefoot
Quick! Kill it! It's trying to control your mind and take over your life!Reaper 2.0 at 10 weeks
Nah.. I couldn't do it either and still enjoy their company. All boys, oldest 23 youngest almost 17.
Have you spoken to ya wife about this or even a doctor its one think to type it on a computer screen but ya will feel alot better about it all if you share the problem and have people talk to you that can be there and help you through it because befor you know it ya kid will be off to school and ya will think #### me i just missed there first 5 years what have I done belive me its not easy I have a 5 year old daughter and the first time I ever had her was her 1st birthday so ya can imagine what I have missed in her life sofar and I could not wish that on anybody so for your sake and ya familys dont just post it on the net speak to real people about it starting with ya misses if ya havent allready.
It gets much, much easier as time goes on - the first night, and even few weeks were hell for us; we really felt like we were thrown in the deepend with a ball and chain around our ankles for a while! But it got easier, we've had ups and downs and everything has fallen into place... Just be sure to say goodbye to your "me time", it will be replaced with "me, the wife and baby time" and to be honest I know I wouldn't have it any otherway (YMMV).
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Cúl is a regretted trademark of the Cúl-Báire Co-op Pty Ltd, as are his random ramblings and associated bullsh1t
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Hey mate, got an 8 week old so it's still fresh in my head what it is like in the early days when bub gets home. Our's wasn't planned but it was a happy shock for both of us.
Well coming up to the birth, I had the same worries with most centred around money/cash flow. Infact I had more reason to worry then anyone else, as 2 months months before the birth I was made redundant from my mining job with 45k worth of debt for a Maloo I could only get 35k for (cheap ass dealers). I was lucky enough I prepared for that been a posibility in the mining game and had consumer loan insurance and that instantly cleared the loan. But that still left me with the cash flow problems which wern't an issue until just after bub was born because we had a bit saved for the one income scenario. But I still stressed day and night and lost sleep over it so know exactly where your coming from.
My first piece of advice, if your missus isn't going back to work anytime soon look into income protection insurance. With one income and a family to support, if you get injured or sick and can't work for a while that $5 a week will litterally be a life saver. Plus it will help relieve your finance anxiety knowing if worst comes to worst your all good in the money department, might pay to look around for a policy that covers stress leave or compassionate leave. I'm no longer in the mining game and yeah the money is no longer disposable but we scrape through comfortably with enough money to go to the movies or video store or just spend time relaxing while bub sleeps.
My second and final piece of advice is what everyone is saying. Relax and enjoy. Everything will work its self out as it did in my case. Utilise family and friends who can watch bub for a few hours to spend time with your wife. Time your dinners to co-incide with bubs sleeping patterns so you can sit down and have an undisturbed meal because when you go back to work your really going to need a proper diet to get through the day on less sleep then usual. Don't drink caffeine, so you can easily get some sleep as soon as bub dozes off.
Anyway off to tend to my screaming baby lol, feel free to PM me if you need any advice from a male going through the exact same as you.
Physics Geek
@Reaper, cute little fella. Cheeky smile on him, got his first car picked out yet?
Rest assured, I've been talking this through with my wife, with my psychiatrist, with my parents, with my mates. This is just ONE of the places I figured there might be some support, and it turns out that there's a bunch of guys here who also started freaking out when their kid(s) arrived.
I know that for the sake of my family I need to look after myself, it's just that I'm not much good at that. I've actually come off the meds now, which is still stuffing me around. Coming off both Xanax and Zoloft at the same time is bloody horrible. But the side effects were killing me. Two days of no pills, and I'm improving...
We've managed to get a routine under way now, with the little fella having naps at the same time every day, sleeping not-too-bad at night. I'm about to head back to work in a day or two once the detox has settled down.
@Ben K, the income insurance is a good idea...gotta look into that.
I had my first "good" day yesterday, for the first time in three weeks, I actually got to enjoy being a dad. Problem is that coming off the meds, I'm mildly manic-depressive...which is not great fun.
As for the advice that everyone has offered: "Relax". Yep...that's my problem, but having an acute anxiety disorder means that it's not as easy as taking a deep breath and a beer.
Sorry if this has seemed a bit disjointed, but it's hard to type with a wriggling midget on my lap.
Gravity is proof that nature keeps getting us down.
Searching for the billion
my 2nd and final piece of advice when it feels like you're stuck at home with bub like a ball and chain is just walk outside. Nothing like a bit of sunshine to make you feel better. Bubs love it too... show him some trees, leaves, colours whateter. They start learning straight away so vary their environment whenever you can and you'll both benefit.
Glad to hear its all looking up.
Physics Geek
I've noticed that walking around outside helps me, and him. Only problem is that I live in Melbourne. Bit too cold and wet for 23 hours of the day to be outside. This little monster clearly is learning, and we are learning a lot about him too (all the different noises and movements and what they all mean).
I know that I'll probably regret saying this, but I'm looking forward to when he can walk...that'll make it a lot easier (in some ways).
Gravity is proof that nature keeps getting us down.
Searching for the billion
yeah, just watching them take their first steps is a proud moment for every parent, even the little steps along the way like learning how to use different toys, say mumma and dady, crawl, laugh grow ... you'll have a lot of fun just keep a reality check on the whole scene. Amazing how quickly they become a little friend rather than just a crying baby.
Tells it like it is.
Yeah - just saying relax is easy but doing it is not quite so straight forward in practice. It's not about kids or anything but a few years ago I had a super stressful time at work. Essentially it was in a corporate environment for a listed company that was well and truly going down the shit chute and all the managers in various devisions were expected to pull rabbits out of their hats on a daily basis.
One of the senior guys (earning near $800k a year) suggested I get a book which I found very helpful. It's quite old - first published 80 or so years ago but very relevant today. I still re-read parts of it from time to time. These days even the most gigantic problems don't phase me any more (there have been a few over the years). It's got to the point that it even annoys my wife no end that I don't get stressed out even when she is peaking.
It's a bit preachy in parts (read it but if the religion isn't your thing just move on a bit - those bits didn't do much for me either) but there are a *lot* of very practical suggestions how to handle stress and anxiety. Some won't work for you but several might and then it's a matter of following a procedure.
Here's a link: Amazon.com: How to Stop Worrying and Start Living (9780671733353): Dale Carnegie: Books - what do you have to loose?
Reaper
Crazy Tiger
Hey,
Being a Dad is the greatest challenge and it has massive rewards. Unfortunally not long after my daughter was made my partner had a bad accident from that new daughter may have suffered. I have been through so many tests etc and nothing worse than to have to hold down your own daughter while they take x-rays, ultrasounds. Its been a really long road but she it my life and makes me happy everyday.....when she isn't emptying my tool box!
I am more than happy to share with anyone mum & dad that need advice or a place to turn because I have been through alot! My daughter is 14months
Last edited by daggett; 10-06-2011 at 02:39 AM.
vq rat
I am a proud dad of a little girl ( 7 months now) an yes it is very life changing but it is amazing to come home from work and she is there smiling at you, i am 28 and its our first kid and now i look at my old's and can see how hard it was for them to bring me and my brother up ( my brother had open heat surgery at 4 mins old ) and i could not imagine how hard that was spending the best part of a year at the royal children in Melbourne, mate take ever day in good and bad cos at the end of the day you are very luck to be someone that can have kids a lot of people cant good luck man
Now in a Calais
I've got three kids.... two to my ex partner, and a 1 month old with my wife.
With my first two I used to have the same feelings as you, couldn't wait for them to grow up, walk around, talk so they can tell us what they're feeling instead of just crying or making noises which we can never figure out what they mean, and become more and more independent to make my life easier. In same ways, yes it does make things easier, but now that I've got a newborn it has opened my eyes and helped me realise that they really don't stay that little for very long at all, and these moments really have to be cherished fully because they can easily be forgotten when they grow up.
I haven't said congrats yet, so congrats on the new addition to your family mate!
Where was the little guy born? As in, which hospital? We also had complications with Cooper, he had very bad jaundice and had an extended stay in special care, all up we spent a full week in hospital. We had him at the royal women's and the level of care there throughout the entire week was incredible, we were so happy with them. It was scary seeing our new little baby have to go under lights in an incubator and being fed through a tube in his nose, but we knew he was in excellent hands so it made it all a hell of a lot easier to deal with. They also gave my wife and I a room of our own in the special care ward so we could be there with him 24/7, which was especially good because the last two nights when he was off the lights and out of the incubator he actually stayed in the room with us, it actually felt like we were just having a stay in a hotel with midwife's and doctor's around all the time to help us out if we ever needed it.
We had a girl Thursday night. 1 hour and 40 minute labour. Wife was screaming in the car as I raced through peak hour traffic to the hospital. This is our second. We have a 22 month boy.
The VS was parked infront of the VY so we took the VS.
Superlow springs and a wife in labour ain't good.
moderator- for now anyway
Sorry to hijack the thread a little, just wanted to put some information out there. Lately there has been a bit of an outbreak of meningitis. My baby girl spent 2 weeks in hospital early this year when she was only 3 weeks old. We are very lucky to have her with us today. Meningitis is very scary and it takes hold so quickly and has a high mortality rate. One day our baby girl was fine happy and had just had seen our gp and midwife and in perfect health, the next morning she wasn't quite herself, was a bit grumpy, didn't want to feed, by lunch time she came down with a temperature and when I put her in the car to go to hospital she was screaming, hating to be touched. Please be aware of the symptoms, we are lucky we caught on to this early and got her to hospital. Here are the symptoms:
okay community service announcement end hehe
CongratulationsThat was a quick labour I envy your wife hehe.
oh and reaper 2.0 is very cute
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