What the hell do I do???

[TheForgotten]

Ok, time for a rant and asking for outside opinions... bit of a story so sit back and relax...

My best mate was having a hard time, his family collapsed with his mum leaving for someone from her support group (went crazy basically) anyway, he was surviving with his dad, his sister moved out years ago. lots of stuff happened, then hisGF left him, but he found out she was still playing with her ex.
He went sorta postal, went to a doc who told him to take a holiday, so he came to visit me, as we hadn't seen eachother for 1 1/2 years. Anyway, he didn't want to go back, so after some stuffin round, he got a job here, and moved in with me and my family.
Now here's the issue. He's started hanging round with a completely different crew, and good on him IMO, but these guys are trouble. He's completely changed his personality, definitely not the guy I've known for nearly 10 years. Anyhow, he expects my gf to cook his dinner for him, and spits when it doesn't happen. he won't say a word about it when I'm around (I think it's because he knows I won't sugar coat things with him, never have never will).
I have no problem with his work hours, or stayin out all night, but he treats my family like crap, and I know this is gonna sound prissy, but he basically neglects me. I was the one on the phone at 11 (long after I go to bed) while he cried over his gf leaving him, I took him in, I repeatedly loan him money because he spends all his on crap (he makes more money than me, his car's paid out, and he doesn't have a small child to support), but he practically ignores me.
Anyway, the general idea is everyone wants him gone except me, he's been my closest friend for near on 10 years, so I can't bring myself to kick him out.
What the hell do I do?????

Sorry for the rant, but I don't have anyone to talk to face to face

[KingDiamond]

Well going through stuff like that ain't an excuse for rudeness.. Just try and tell him in a "I don't want you to go, but" sorta way to smarten up...

[Shortstuff]

Difficult one that. In the end you do have to think of your family and GF if your mate is causing such grief for them.

If it was me, i'd tell him how things need to be and give him a good chance to sort it out. Then if after a little while (a month or two) he still didn't sort himself out I would lay it out straight for him and give him two options - stop his inconsiderate behavoiur right away or get a place of his own.

After all, you can help him get his own place and still be there to support him even if he's not living with you. Sounds like he'd have enough cash to rent a place if he put his mind to it.

Just my 2 cents there.

[Nobody Actually]

tell him straight. shape up or **** off, it'll either wake him up or not. friendship and leniancy can only go so far.

you need to look after your family first imo.

my 2c

[sixshooter]

It sounds like he has you by the short and curleys.... and yes you do sound prissy !!! I reckon you should kick your girlfriend out... and cook and clean for him...you'll make a lovely couple. LMAO !

But seriously life is full of hard knocks... it sounds like you need to give him one for talking to your GF that way cause that's just as much disrespect to you as it is to her when "your mate" the guest talks to your other half like that... just my 2c !!!

[TheForgotten]

Well going through stuff like that ain't an excuse for rudeness.. Just try and tell him in a "I don't want you to go, but" sorta way to smarten up...

If it was me, i'd tell him how things need to be and give him a good chance to sort it out. Then if after a little while (a month or two) he still didn't sort himself out I would lay it out straight for him and give him two options - stop his inconsiderate behavoiur right away or get a place of his own. .

I barely see him, and when I do, he's just getting home seeking sleep, or stoned off his head - I have no problem with him being stoned, but if that shit gets through my door, he goes through it, and over the balcony.

After all, you can help him get his own place and still be there to support him even if he's not living with you. Sounds like he'd have enough cash to rent a place if he put his mind to it..

this new crowd he's hangin with, if he left, I'd never see him.
I've already tried talking to him about the crowd in general, telling him that the jacks know his car, where he lives, everything about him, and if anything goes wrong he's in deep shit, but he doesn't want to listen. I've been meaning to talk to him for a few days now, but like I said, he's never here.

you need to look after your family first imo.

he is family too...

It sounds like he has you by the short and curleys.... and yes you do sound prissy !!! I reckon you should kick your girlfriend out... and cook and clean for him...you'll make a lovely couple. LMAO !

yeah I suppose you can't understand the signifigance of that comment uless you know all the bullshit we've been through together. Oh well...

[sixshooter]

yeah I suppose you can't understand the signifigance of that comment uless you know all the bullshit we've been through together. Oh well...

Yeah you're right on the money there...I can't understand how you'd keep a old friend under your roof who's abusive to your other half, neglects to acknowledge you, but rather get stoned off his head, and earns more money than you and still bludges off you.

You really need to get all this off your chest with him...else nothing will ever change except maybe your GF and child leaving you.

[Shortstuff]

You really need to get all this off your chest with him...else nothing will ever change except maybe your GF and child leaving you.

Yeah, in some cases you just gotta decide which is most important to you, or else someone else might make the decision for you. And the decision that then gets made might not be what you want to happen.

[mic-vz-ss -6l]

Make a movie ???? You , Me and Dupree ..............

[Nobody Actually]

fair enough, i have mates that i consider family. however, are you planning on spending a significant ammount of years with him? or your gf?

in this respect i agree with sixshooter, no-one disrespects my gf, doesn't matter what they're going through, lest they loose a few teeth.

[1vngal]

TheForgotten, You have to put your g/f and child first. I know this guy is your best mate, and you have been through so much together, but honestly, what sort of a friend does what he is doing? It's really not fair on you, your g/f and your child.

You need to say to him, that you have a family to think of, and that you don't have a problem helping out at this rough time, but he really has to rethink the way he is behaving for him to stay there with you.

I understand where you're coming from, I really do. I know what it's like to bend over backwards to help out these people that are 'your best mates', and get nothing but a kick in the arse in return. It makes things so hard, and to be honest, it hurts. A lot.

I dunno, it is a hard situation to be in, but you really have to do something. Like I said before, it's not fair on any of you.

[HoZy]

I've been through quite a lot in my life, I know i'm only 17 but most most people that do find out almost collapse knowing what i've been through/put up with.

That is no reason for him to change, Honestly...

If they all want him gone & you don't... Maybe suggest him to get back on his feet an move out an start fresh again. Instead of cramping your family's style.

Cheers
MaT

[TheForgotten]

Well I talked to him, long story short, he's giving up booze and greens.
He knows he's treating us badly, and I told him to appologize to my gf. we'll see what happens. I didn't kick him out, which I'll probly get in trouble for...

[Shortstuff]

Sounds like a good start at least. Good luck!