Need some advice...now please!

[Tasmaniak]

About five years ago my wife was a mortician and she left to return to school. She returned to the business about a week ago.

Twenty minutes ago herr pager went off alerting her to first dead body to pick up...a car accident victim, female in her mid twenties. This is the first dead body she has seen in five years and it just so happens that it's a fatal car accident.

She is nervous and sick to her stomach as she is driving there now. (As I type this)

What should I do for her when she gets back? I thought about a hot bubble bath but she will probably want a shower to clean the blood from her body and generally cleanse herself.

Any other ideas other then listening to her?

[HoZy]

Talk to her, Try to take her mind off it. Do something nice for her, Cook something for her, Have a cup of tea or something waiting for when she gets back, Suggest to watch a movie maybe?

Cheers
MaT

[Tasmaniak]

at 3am?

Talking is on the cards obviously...

My main concern is that it is in an area that we know a lot of people in the age bracket of the woman who died....

[_Mukas_]

just be there....i dont think there is anything you can specifically say that will help. i reckon that if she chooses to talk about be there for her but i dont reckon you should do anything over the top because i reckon itll b the last thing shell wana think about when she gets home.

[Morgasshk]

don't talk... let her talk if she feels the need to, just give her support and be there if she wants to talk about it, make sure you don't force her to confront it again if she may have already been able to move past it...

[VN_Luke]

... presumably because this is the profession that she has chosen, she has the right kind of mindset to be able to deal with circumstances like this? if it is really SUCH a stressful position for you both to be in, then maybe it's not the right line of work for her?

however, I assume that she's reasonably okay with it because after all that's what she chose to be, right?

Granted, however, it's not a pleasent experience to be pulling lifeless body[ies] out of a wreck.

I suggest to mention to her that if she wants to get anything off her mind that you're there to listen and support her....

I wouldn't go cooking a roast dinner for her, though or making a really huge deal out of it..

[Tasmaniak]

This is her profession and for the most part she enjoys the sastisfaction she gets when a family is pleased with the farewell that they can pass on. This is the downside of it. You know how everyjob you have has a part that you hate? Well, hers is worse then most peoples. LOL

[helly]

Hey King,

Mate it just gunna have to be played by ear. My first Dead body was a 16 year old kid who jumped off the Anzac Bridge, bloody awful (definately no pun intended). There was nothing that anyone could do for me. It one of those things that everyone just works through in their own way.

Take your lead from her, if she wants to talk, then listen, if she wants to hug and cry then, squeez away! If she's been there before as you say, she's probably gunna be a bit sad, but I think she'll be right in no time, unfortunately its like riding a horse, you forget the specifics after time but can still plod along.

I reckon she's in the right frame of mind. I used to be called Constable Death, cos I did every deceased that came on whilst I was on shift. People thought I was crazy, but I got a lot of satisfaction in doing the right thing by those that had passed away (ie treating them with respect, no matter who it was) and doing what I could for the families.

Pass on my respects to your wife, its a hell of a job they do!

[Tasmaniak]

Thanks Helly. It's difficult for me because I used to be in the SES and right from the start even on my first fatal I wasn't bothered by the dismembered body or the fact that I had to retrieve the head from a 100metres down the road. It's all water of a ducks back for me but I know it's different for her.

[helly]

Thanks Helly. It's difficult for me because I used to be in the SES and right from the start even on my first fatal I wasn't bothered by the dismembered body or the fact that I had to retrieve the head from a 100metres down the road. It's all water of a ducks back for me but I know it's different for her.

Thats right, the gore factor doesn't bother me either. Infact the worse the better, as it removes the humanity factor, the less it looks like a person the better... Its wierd for people to understand who haven't been exposed to it. Kids just ruin me though, thats a whole nother kettle of fish!!!

That kid I mentioned didn't bother in regards to seeing him dead, it was the family that lost it for me. He was bipolar, and just decided to go for a walk for like 15 k's and jump off the bridge, that were just absulte right offs as you can imagine. I think it was their emotion and reactions that got me...

Me and your wife are porbably very similar, as from then on it was my focus to make sure the family got everything they needed from me, and if I couldn't do it I made sure I found the right person for them. Its not a job I can half do...

Sending good thoughts your way anyhow.

I have to piss off and try and stop that very thing from happening on my stretch.

Cheers Mate.

[Morgasshk]

jesus... makes me want to punch myself for bitching about my job... seriously good luck with it dude... Nasty job, and someone has to do it, must be a bloody strong woman.

[Tasmaniak]

LOL she returned a few hours later stating that sh really didn't know what she was worried about. She pulled the body out from the wreck, threw it into the back of the Suburban...got it back to the funeral house and took the corrsponding photos and then enbalmed the body. Today she said she is going to insert the trocea and drain the fluids.

[Sorak]

12Voltking, you have my utmost respect. It shows a true man who can post a question like this on a public forum...

And from reading all the replies, there's a lot of good people here on Just Commodores... Let's hope we can keep it this way and leave all the d***kheads to whirlpool...