Finding the 'one' (Relationships)

[NORTI]

How much would you change about yourself/hobbies etc if any to find the 'one' ??

Im asking this because Ive been told my 'boy' type hobbies are scaring off my chances

I never thought of myself as intimidating, but apparently I am, & my blokey hobbies/interests just make it worse...

I read in a recent thread about guys being turned off by blokey girls.
Is this true for the majority? Or just some guys?

Also guys, single mums, stay away or worth a look into? Its not like Im going to hide my kids, but I dont advertise them either. Im still me, not defined by my parent status IMO.


Help please? Where do I look? Do I need to tone down my interests, or am I just going about things all wrong?

[minux]

You need to stop looking. When people look they rarely find. Also look at image, if you are overweight, shed some kg's, if you peroxide your hair keep it natural, if you wear pants and shorts, try a skirt or dress etc. Things like that. Hobbies as far as I know dont usually scare anyone off, well not in the group of people I know.

[NORTI]

I havent been looking, so I figured maybe I should? lol I change my hair colour everytime I think I need a new outlook.

[Rufus®]

How much would you change about yourself/hobbies etc if any to find the 'one' ??

Im asking this because Ive been told my 'boy' type hobbies are scaring off my chances

I never thought of myself as intimidating, but apparently I am, & my blokey hobbies/interests just make it worse...

I read in a recent thread about guys being turned off by blokey girls.
Is this true for the majority? Or just some guys?

Also guys, single mums, stay away or worth a look into? Its not like Im going to hide my kids, but I dont advertise them either. Im still me, not defined by my parent status IMO.


Help please? Where do I look? Do I need to tone down my interests, or am I just going about things all wrong?

My opinion is that if you feel you need to change you're lifestyle, even though you're happy with how it is, and people can't except you for who you are, then they aren't worth the hassle!

having said that, in all relationships, people change each other. but you shouldn't have to sacrifice things you enjoy because you're partner is intimidated.

Where to start looking, got no idea. I met my missus about 8 years ago on icq, and have been married for about 3 weeks...

[vlv8vic]

agree with above. dont change anything or you'll end up unhappy when you do find 'the one'.

i'll decide on someone based on looks first, then out of those i enjoy looking at i'll get to what they are like to be with. Call that shallow if you like but looks is one reason the AU falcon was so unloved despite being a bloody reliable and committed car.
We all do it, some people just think they are above admitting it.

Basically if you look like a twat many people will turn away, so hobbies etc will come later.

Smoker? count out a bit % of people wanting to be around you.

Everything makes up a picture, but looks do matter in the first instance.

[NORTI]

I dont smoke, & am not interested in people who do, drugs are also out. Seems Im a bogan magnet in the past, so Im really trying to steer away from that! lol

[SAV_117]

just be ya self ey i know ppl say that all the time but its true why change yourself for other ppl why cant ppl be happy wit the way u are if u are happy that way than why not i would say dont be to ready to jump in either alot of guys are **** heads lol true story and i dont think the kids would be a prob either as long as it isnt 20

[ClairBear]

Danni - just be you. You are a terrific girl and will find the right guy when the time is right.

C.

[Astranomical]

My advice is just be yourself. Personally, I have no problem with women that are into guy stuff, if anything, for me its more of an advantage than a disadvantage. Blokey girls FTW!!!!!!

[NORTI]

Its not like I drink beer, & burp while watching the footy.

In fact I dont like footy at all! It all comes down to the cars really..... Family & friends telling me Im single because guys dont like that I might know more about cars than they do

[STEALTHY™]

2 things.

I don't change for no-one!

2nd, you are intimidating!

[SAV_117]

nah i dont think the fact u may no more would turn them off just be patient i reackon

[JBDrifter]

Don't start looking... you'll put too much pressure on yourself to find someone. There are ways to put yourself out there on the market but just let them come to you. The right one will come along when you least expect it.

Also, the fact that you are a single mum probably will affect who you meet, but it's not a bad thing. You just need to know that are guys out there that just aren't willing or ready to take that on, that's ok though, you just need to find someone that is. I know how you feel though, I'm a single dad myself (well not single anymore, but separated from my kid's mother) and always thought that would affect my love life in a negative way.

So I certainly wasn't looking for anyone, but earlier this year a lovely girl found me on facebook of all places and we started chatting, then talking on the phone, then a few months later we met in person and got along very well from the very beginning. Nature took its course and we have now been an item for 5 weeks, very happily.
I was very happy being single, I had just come out of a very crappy 4 year relationship with my ex and just wanted to be alone for a while. My new girlfriend also wasn't looking for anyone when she found me on facebook, she was simply looking for someone to chat to and thought I was a safe bet not to crack onto her cos I had two kids. So it was a surprise to both of us when we hit it off so well, and it still amazes the both of us now where we've come from and where we've ended up.

Sorry for the long story but it's just an example of how something can come along when you least expect it to.

Hope it all goes well for you NORTI, everyone deserves to be happy. I'm sure you'll find "him" when the time is right!

[crazyspoon05]

I wouldn't be changing to suit anyone else either

If you're comfortable enough in your own skin then you shouldn't really care what others think

I used to be hung up on appearance over anything else but then realised that the girls who were fun to hang out with were the ones who I wouldn't have looked at first and were the ones with the good personalities and the like

Mr Right is out there lurking somewhere, in the meantime enjoy spending your time with your children, family and your friends as much as you can as life is too precious and short to worry about when Mr/Mrs Right is going to come walking into your life

[Reaper]

It's about priorities. What is more important than what. Undountably there are some things that are extremely important to you whilst others which may be fun are not so important in the whole scheme of things. You need to be yourself but you also may need to modify some of the things in the "not so important" list to be more attractive to the opposite sex.

Reaper

[Torquen]

Its not like I drink beer, & burp while watching the footy.

In fact I dont like footy at all! It all comes down to the cars really..... Family & friends telling me Im single because guys dont like that I might know more about cars than they do

lol, i wish my girlfirend liked cars. i allways get the "why are you spending more $$$ on your car, its just a car" talk. Don't ditch the car hobbie/intrest theres plenty of guys that like tomboys.

[minux]

To all those people saying do not change a thing...clearly that is not working. In life you have to change things every day you live to adapt, relationships are no different, bit of give and take goes a long way.

Norti, why not ask a few male friends what they would like to see changed, ask them each at different times, see what sort of responses you get. I find our group of friends brutally honest and the best to seek advice from, if your friends are true friends they will be honest.

[minux]

lol, i wish my girlfirend liked cars. i allways get the "why are you spending more $$$ on your car, its just a car" talk. Don't ditch the car hobbie/intrest theres plenty of guys that like tomboys.

LOL, try justifying buying camera gear, I just ordered $208 worth of a "few plastic things", placing an order just now of $1600 for a new lens and second tripod. Im dreading to think what she will say when I decide i need a 3rd camera body

[Joey_21]

dont set ur standards 2 high or else u will join the FAIL thread

[Torquen]

LOL, try justifying buying camera gear, I just ordered $208 worth of a "few plastic things", placing an order just now of $1600 for a new lens and second tripod. Im dreading to think what she will say when I decide i need a 3rd camera body

lol, Hope you have your own credit card other wise the end of the month shall be intresting explaining a $1600 purchase!

[ClairBear]

To all those people saying do not change a thing...clearly that is not working. In life you have to change things every day you live to adapt, relationships are no different, bit of give and take goes a long way.

Norti, why not ask a few male friends what they would like to see changed, ask them each at different times, see what sort of responses you get. I find our group of friends brutally honest and the best to seek advice from, if your friends are true friends they will be honest.

I disagree totally. You don't change yourself to attract a partner, you should always be yourself. It's only not working for Danni right now, because the right guy has not come along yet. I am quite sure Danni could have a guy in a heartbeat if she settled for the first one that made a move on her, but she is waiting for the right guy to come along, and just pondering if her car hobby is intimidating, which clearly given the responses pretty much say she should stick to being who she is, as guys do like a girl into cars.

Asking different friends what to change could end up doing your head in, because each would probably have a different idea and cause more self doubt than ever - and again, why should she change?

Adapting to life changes and altering your personality, looks and even giving up hobbies you like to please a partner, are two totally different ball games.

[minux]

and again, why should she change?

Err, because clearly she is having no luck with how things are now?

You do realise that we arent in hollywood right? The ONE simply just doesnt stroll down the street and trips over you.

I will say this though, how you look is what will attract someone, nothing else except money will do this.

[ClairBear]

Err, because clearly she is having no luck with how things are now?

You do realise that we arent in hollywood right? The ONE simply just doesnt stroll down the street and trips over you.

I will say this though, how you look is what will attract someone, nothing else except money will do this.

Lot's of people are single for periods of time, and grow impatient at times wondering if Mr or Mrs right will wander along anytime soon. Doesn't mean you change yourself or head for the plastic surgeon to increase your luck, you simply go about your life until that person strolls in.

So for all those out there who are single and wishing to attract a partner, take out a loan, grab a super model mag and head for your plastic surgeon. According to Craig you will then find the man/woman of your dreams - however shallow that relationship ends up because it is all about looks!!!! So my next question is if you still find yourself single in 6 months, do you revert back to your old self, or continue to reinvent yourself till even you forget who you are, what you looked like originally and what you like/dislike?

And finally, when this relationship of yours goes bum up Craig, how long till you become a nicer person and get a nose job to attract your next partner? A day, a week, a month......???????????

[crazyspoon05]

Err, because clearly she is having no luck with how things are now?

You do realise that we arent in hollywood right? The ONE simply just doesnt stroll down the street and trips over you.

I will say this though, how you look is what will attract someone, nothing else except money will do this.

There's always confidence as well, a lot of people find confidence a big turn on (or the ability to make people laugh, this approach has worked more for me than trying to impress on looks, which honestly aren't my strongest asset)

If you are trying to land someone with looks or money it's shallow and unrealistic, your looks aren't always going to last, spending a fortune on the latest fashion trends to look 'hip' is a waste of money (not to mention certain looks don't suit some age groups) and money can easily go with a dodgy investment or two, unexpected illness, etc

Money isn't going to buy love and happiness and looking like a supermodel doesn't really help you at all if you can't hold a conversation or have the personality of a dead cod

As for the one just strolling down the street or the like it does happen, one of my friends has been happily married for a few years now to a guy she met when they had a minor car accident, he definitely wasn't the type of bloke she had gone out with before but they are now very much in love and sharing their lives together...

[nicko]

Norti, just take a chance next time you see one open up. Talk to that guy that you would normally just look at and wonder. Iv never been good at approaching girls until a year ago i just thought stuff it and started talking to every girl i see lol. Be confident in yourself and always have a big smile on your face!!

But it is true that when you stop looking your more than likely to be approached. Since been with my current girlfriend iv been approached a lot more than usual.


Keep your chin up and roll with the punches goodluck