curfews and chores

[metalfossil]

Just wondering do any other members have teens and have you any opinions on curfews and chores?

Myself, I have two young teen daughters. They think it's grossly unfair that they have a curfew on school nights and they have chores. They roll out the same old story about how it's not fair as their friends are allowed to stay out on school nights and their friends don't have chores.

....and don't get me started about webcams and computers in their rooms

[minux]

How would kiddy fiddlers get their joys if young kids didn't have webcams?



Curfews are pointless. It will stunt their will to learn and they will just revolt. I guess times are a little different now, but I used to finish home work then be out at mates places until midnight, this started in about year 9. School is over rated unless you have learning issues. Used to take at least 1 day a week off all through VCE to go riding(raced mx for many many years).

Give the girls some freedom, show them you trust them and they will work out what they should and should not do. Removing freedom and their choice to make a wrong or right decision will probably end up with pregnant daughters in this day and age

[metalfossil]

How would kiddy fiddlers get their joys if young kids didn't have webcams?



Curfews are pointless. It will stunt their will to learn and they will just revolt. I guess times are a little different now, but I used to finish home work then be out at mates places until midnight, this started in about year 9. School is over rated unless you have learning issues. Used to take at least 1 day a week off all through VCE to go riding(raced mx for many many years).

Give the girls some freedom, show them you trust them and they will work out what they should and should not do. Removing freedom and their choice to make a wrong or right decision will probably end up with pregnant daughters in this day and age

Hi Minux,

Thanks, for your feedback. Even though they have weeknight curfews, I am fairly liberal with them, and they usually wear me down anyway with 'aww come on Dad....' Midnight! My wife would have kittens

I had a really really tough dad and I swore I wouldn't treat my kids the same way. They're have blessed life compared to my teen years. I ran away to England when I was seventeen just to put as much distance between us as I could.

Thanks again

[vnv8driver]

Let them out if they think their old enough, just warn them about what can potentially happen to them in a bad situation. When or if they come crawling back, say 'i told you so'

But being young they wont listen to you, or learn their lesson even if the same mistakes been made a few times already !

[Cursed CX8]

let them out. Im 18, finished VCE in 2007. I had no need for curfews as i put 100% of my tie into work, but that took me to 1-2am finishes then up for school in the morning, toward the end of school my life was...7am up for school, start work at 5, finish 1am party till 3 or 4 then school again. Did that for months. And i got into a Paramedic sourse at uni.
Thats my life

But as others have said give them a little room to move, show them that you trust them and they will return the favor by not bad mouthing you to their friends at every given opportunity. See how it goes, they will probably rock home at 3am a few times and try to get up for school. They will soon learn...that pulling an all nighter and going without sleep is much easier HAHAH JOKING JOKING. No they will learn about taking their own chances and responsible behavior.

If you dont mind me asking, how old are they?

[vnv8driver]

^ bloody oath, bad things happen in this world but you cant keep them cooped up if there busting to go out.

Let me guess theres boys involved no doubt? I know you want to keep them away for as long as possible but youll never stop them in the end, it will turn into them sneaking out, and getting into even more ****...

[metalfossil]

^ bloody oath, bad things happen in this world but you cant keep them cooped up if there busting to go out.

Let me guess theres boys involved no doubt? I know you want to keep them away for as long as possible but youll never stop them in the end, it will turn into them sneaking out, and getting into even more ****...

My kids are as different as chalk and cheese. My youngest is boy crazy and drags her best friend down to the Coles Deli to check out the boy behind the counter. My other daughter thinks that Andy Warhol is the greatest... and he's dead! Go figure

[Bax]

I've met some insanely boring people of late, one of which is 20 and still goes by the attitude of: "No I can't go out tonight (being saturday night 10pm), Parents are asleep and they won't let me go out without telling them"

She's destined to get walked over when she finds a man that can stand her.

On the other hand I've also known others that have had parents let them do whatever it wants - alcohol, drugs and what not, and it's given them a rough few years, but fortunately most of my friends that were free range came out normal.

I guess moderation is the key here, with everything. I was always allowed to do most things I wanted, I skipped a hell of alot of school, and I'd be out on weeknights riding around the streets visiting friends.

Moderation and alot of trust. And if they make a mistake, then they realise how important trust is and how fast it can disappear.

[minux]

My other daughter thinks that Andy Warhol is the greatest... and he's dead! Go figure

You have a winner here!!

[vnv8driver]

As long as their half resonsible and know what can happen when there on their own then it shouldnt be a problem, as a teenager i was let out and didnt have protective parents like that, i think persoanlly i have learnt more that way (by my mistakes) and feel a bit wiser than other people in their 20's that havent had to sort things out themselfs and stand on their own 2 feet.

Myself i dont have kids but when i do i would be as protective as you but would also set some ground rules, i think a curfew during the week is a god idea, midnight is when they should be asleep, and if there not getting enough sleep their school work isnt as good as it could be so i see where your coming from with organising their priorities.


You havent mentioned what their curfew time is during the week?? i myself would say about 9pm MAX

[vnv8driver]

On the other hand I've also known others that have had parents let them do whatever it wants - alcohol, drugs and what not, and it's given them a rough few years

I would feel safer in saying, if you want to try alcohol & drugs (not at a young age) then try it at home under proper supervision, let them know what their in for (hey it makes you feel good but it kills you) if they understand the risks and still want to do it (like we did as youngsters) then let them go for it. Because most of us if not all of us would of been the same and only have the knoledge from experiencing it first hand.

[minux]

I would feel safer in saying, if you want to try alcohol & drugs (not at a young age) then try it at home under proper supervision, let them know what their in for (hey it makes you feel good but it kills you) if they understand the risks and still want to do it (like we did as youngsters) then let them go for it. Because most of us if not all of us would of been the same and only have the knoledge from experiencing it first hand.

Please do not say most, most people I know have never touched drugs and never will, no idea why you need to try them to know they are bad. Maybe say a rare few needed to try them to have the knowledge because for some reason what they read and heard about in the news etc wasn't enough.

[vnv8driver]

i understand that i was referring to the whole alcohol, drugs & what not ( partying,etc) as a whole not just the drugs, ive tried joints, but will never stick a needle in my arm or snort, or whatevr they do... to me its wrong but i dont regret the time i did have a smoke of hoochy, it was an experience (moderated) that i enjoyed but wouldnt take it up full time or even smoke it on a regular basis.

[Philthy]

I go to a uni with a guy that lies to his parents about going on pub crawls with us - he says he is getting drunk when he really stays in the library and studies all night.

When I was growing up I was always told that if I was going to try alcohol or anything to do it moderately in a safe environment. So the first time I did I had about 3 drinks with another family (about as moderate and safe as you can get) and got in heaps of trouble for it when Mum found out
There have to be limits, as I was brought up with strict rules about no drinking or anything, and I'll be the first to admit that as soon as I left home for uni I overdid it a fair bit, not knowing my limits and not used to the freedom.

[EvoVIIIJDM]

i really couldnt say how i am going to go about the whole "curfew" debate until junior is alot older. Its also hard to say unless you have got kids of your own.
I never really had a curfew but in saying that, i knew what was acceptable to the parents and felt guilty in knowing i was doing the wrong thing so for Minuxs' theory, theres a +1 from me. I guess alot depends on the individual child in question.

Curfews and the like, it certainly poses quite the conundrum.....

[Static89]

my mum was pretty cool with this sorta stuff, if i was going to do drugs dont be a dick about it n dont over do it, and make sure your at home where your safe, next night i had some mates around with weed o.0 was into that whole thing for a few weeks till i met this one dude that would be great mates with trent from punchy, decided i wasnt going to smoke up anymore, i feel mum did the right thing there, let me have my freedom and hope to god i made my own decisions the right ones,

but yeah, being 19 i still talk to some of the younger peoples, and damn, they go out every weekend and some school days and get trashed, its kinda sad to watch, but they will grow out of it soon i guess, some of them are starting to get out of it allready, anyways theres my story

in short, give them some freedom but set the curfew, i was ment to be home by dark every school night...... i pushed it till 10:30 lol,

enjoy

Mark

[metalfossil]

Please do not say most, most people I know have never touched drugs and never will, no idea why you need to try them to know they are bad. Maybe say a rare few needed to try them to have the knowledge because for some reason what they read and heard about in the news etc wasn't enough.

I think, though, discussion is the way to go. I always attempt to have at least one meal a day together to let the kids let it all hang out. It's sometimes a free for all with talks ranging from school work to drugs and sex.

Second hand info from books and friends, as far as I'm concerned, is more often than not, not the way to go. Hopefully my kids are able to talk to me and my wife about anything.

Although I'm still a realist and know that they still have things/issues they'd rather not discuss with their parents.

[minux]

i really couldnt say how i am going to go about the whole "curfew" debate until junior is alot older. Its also hard to say unless you have got kids of your own.
I never really had a curfew but in saying that, i knew what was acceptable to the parents and felt guilty in knowing i was doing the wrong thing so for Minuxs' theory, theres a +1 from me. I guess alot depends on the individual child in question.

Curfews and the like, it certainly poses quite the conundrum.....

I think my theory depends on demographic. People in ****ty suburbs had this freedom and all they did was steal **** etc.

[EvoVIIIJDM]

I think my theory depends on demographic. People in ****ty suburbs had this freedom and all they did was steal **** etc.

good point and id say that 99.9% would be an accurate reflection.

[metalfossil]

You have a winner here!!

Umm, yes. She discovered all my Velvet Underground, T-Rex, David Bowie and Lou Reed vinyls hiding away in the spare room. My fault really.

[Stressball]

I think the necessity of a curfew would depend on how you raised your kids until that point in their life.

If you, for lack of a better term, 'weren't a very good parent' and held no respect in their eyes etc, then freedom will let them out to do stupid ****. If you have managed to raise them to respect your opinion and take your advice seriously, then giving them freedom might be a better idea. They will go out and use their freedom, and make decisions based on what you have tried to teach them. BTW I'm by no means saying rebellious kids = **** parents. Just a very generalised equation there

Personally I had quite a lot of freedom for the most part in the last few years, considerably less before that. I've never been one to go and drink, smoke or get high though, so it doesn't really make much of a difference to me.

Again, I think the necessity of a curfew depends on the individual kids. If they're the type to go out and do stupid ****, an early curfew may be feasible. If you can reasonably believe that they are just going to a friend's place til late at night and not getting up to any mischief, what harm is there other than sleep deprivation? If it does them any harm, you would hope they would have sense enough to cut back on the late nights and get some more sleep.

[Trayner]

Ive just finished yr 12 and since about yr 9 i didnt have a curfew, i just had to tell mum where i was going to be and that. But anyways going out after school is hard as i would go to the movies with my mates get home and be tired as hell so i dont know how anyone could go out till like 2am then wake up for school the next day lol. Same as when i had work after school i would get home at like 11.30 and still be tired the next day and fall asleep in class haha.

I would say just let them have like 1 night out late on a school day, then bit a bit looser on the rules on the weekends

[mabba]

I've only just turned 18 and basically I've always lived by, I live in my parents' house so I follow their rules. This meant not going out every night or every weekend and studying sometimes instead of having fun, but I've ended up better off because of that. Having said that though I now have a lot more freedom being finished schooling and working a lot more and the way my parents' let me go out and be "exposed" to different sides of life. I just look at some of the people I know and they have been sheltered their entire teens, now a fair chunk of them have gone stupid and have wrecked their futures by going over the top now that they have the freedom.

Basically, from a younger person my advice would be to set guidelines but also let them have freedom otherwise you risk them damaging themselves when they finally do get that freedom.

[metalfossil]

I've only just turned 18 and basically I've always lived by, I live in my parents' house so I follow their rules. This meant not going out every night or every weekend and studying sometimes instead of having fun, but I've ended up better off because of that. Having said that though I now have a lot more freedom being finished schooling and working a lot more and the way my parents' let me go out and be "exposed" to different sides of life. I just look at some of the people I know and they have been sheltered their entire teens, now a fair chunk of them have gone stupid and have wrecked their futures by going over the top now that they have the freedom.

Basically, from a younger person my advice would be to set guidelines but also let them have freedom otherwise you risk them damaging themselves when they finally do get that freedom.

You're only a year older than my oldest and it's great having someone like you add your advice. Thanks I guess I'm basically on the right track