serious relationship advise needed asap
Gday all, ive been having some difficulty in my life recently which involves me and my fiancee (3 year serious relationship). We get along, i can make her laugh, i protect her and most of all i make her feel special. Shes not your average chick actually shes one of the decent ones that doesnt just go sleeping around or flirting/cheating etc & is very honest & down to earth..
Ok 3 weeks (just under) ago she broke it off out of the blue, no argument or disagreement, nothing. She said she needed space from all the stress i put her through and said she 'doesn't want to be with me right now' (now says no never again after i kept phoning her up!) and simply wants to live her own life, catch up with mates (& make new ones) etc BUT doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now... i lived with her up until she did this and i have now moved back into my fathers house temporarily to let her cool off. stupid me called her up on the first night and following nights for 2 weeks 'harassing' her and asked to sort & that im willing to do whatever it takes to make her happy it out as she truly is my life partner i want to be with until i die. I have just learnt that no you cant harass them with calls, texts etc and has been JUST a week since i haven't had any contact whatsoever...
Anyway last weekend i went to get my cloths and basics (rest was packed up in box's by her) she wasnt interested in talking to me or working anything out, not even a simple conversation. all she told me was that since we had broke up she had grieved the first week but is now getting on with her life... i noticed she had a nice hair do and makeup on which is strange as she normally doesn't do that at all since weve been together (straight home from work with makeup) Now she has been getting in contact with some blokes on facebook and been eagerly asking to 'catch up' which has got me a bit worried as she may be vunerable, trying to forget me with a few roots or try and see if she is still desirable... remember shes not that sort of slutty person since ive known her.. she has also planned a contiki tour of nz for 15 days (18-35 YO'S) Which has me scared as well as she may find/be lured into a rebound root or relationship that she doesn't really want with the mess in her head at this point in time.
Is there any logical advise anyone can give that has been in this situation before?? I want to text her letting her know i will not be flirting or rooting around and to tell her to be safe and let her realize what state of mind shes in and that a horny guy might have a blow or two just because shes a female in a sticky situation.. I really want it to work out and i believe that it can be although right now she says 'no, i dont want to be with you ever again' & 'i cant see us being friends as it would be awkward'
I still believe she loves me and has feeling but she just isnt showing it... so whats the go with texting people (including guys) to catch up and all of a sudden wearing makeup and got an expensive hair do?? doesn't make sense to me im green behind the ears when it comes to this sort of topic.
Your guess is as good as mine......
Space Invaders Champion!
i personaly dont think this is the place for this type of topic. you would probably be better of seeking advice of a qualifyed relationship person.
but one thing i can say is leave her be, if she doenst want to have anything to do with you the best thing you can do is leave her alone. respect her wishes and let her contact you.
probably not what you want to hear.
i am the god of britany spears womanizer on just dance on the wii
street kiddo
women are strange creatures ......... if your close with one of her mates i would ask her about it on the dl to find out what's happening
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SkyFall
youll be ok now with love advice from a 12 yo ^^^Originally Posted by eurekamad94
The Black Beauty
Banned
Sounds like she wasn't the person you thought she was.
Really sounds like she's had someone on the side for a while.
mate theres your answer in the last line. delete phone number and get all your stuff back. you dont want hear it but suck it up for a couple of months and the pain goes away. ordinarily this is where i should suggest the usual "your better off" cliches but it wont make a difference - you'll have to come to the internal realisation you either get over it or spend your life miserable - no one here will tell you what you want to hear
also not wanting to be the bearer of bad news but she is clearly seeking out "horny guys" with her hair and makeup and contacting male acquaintances and contiki tours she nows exactly what she is doing - dont kid yourself.
Sorry to be blunt but when dust settles you'll see i speak the truth and its for your own good - i think we've all been in a similar place at one point and while its something you have to figure out for yourself im just trying to steer you in the right direction
Peace and blessings man, all the best.
Last edited by Joe Peeps; 13-03-2009 at 09:29 PM.
"The crisis of today is the joke of tomorrow" HG Wells
LS-EXUAL
As hard as this may be to hear, get your mates together (the single ones) and go rock it out somewhere, plenty of fish in the sea. If she did take you back, she would probably just **** you around again mate. Women like that aren't worth the hassle.
Sure, it's easier said than done, but trust me, i have been through it before. It's either you sit and wallow by yourself, or get up, grab your wallet and get out on the town and forget it for a night. If you manage to get lucky, it will make you feel a fair bit better.
Moderator Puppeh
I can't offer any advice because this is smething you need to sort out between the two of you.
Oh, and make sure she gives the ring back.. she legally doesn't own it until she is married to you.
LS-EXUAL
Dude i know this sounds awful, but, i don't think it's up to you to decide what's best for her and what is bad for her right now. It's hard dude, i know what headstate you are in right now, i have had it with my ex from like 4 years ago, it twists your guts up thinking about her being with someone else.
But if she can do it, why can't you? Again, i know it's hard due to the 3 year thing and her being your fiance', but if that's what she wants, then that's what she wants. Harrassing her will make it worse.
Formerly White50L
Lol I was typing something like this out and then relised it just got posted
This is what you need to do. Worked for me many times in the past
what you need to do is leave her alone and mind your own business.
the fact that you know what she is doing on facebook and where she is going on holidays and what she is and isnt doing really is starting to make you look like a stalker.
just what she would want from you since she has made it clear she wants to be left alone.
you can learn this the hard way from the Police or you can move on and leave her alone to do as she wants.
sure it may hurt you to think what she is up to but tough shit - you have no choice but to let her do as she pleases.
the choice is yours at the end of the day.
you can be the harrassing/stalking ex that is making her life hell
or
you can be mature and responsible and leave her alone, dont ring her, dont try and bump into her and dont try and find out what she is/has been doing.
time to move on and get over it.
sorry if you dont like the advice/reply but at the end of the day, thats how it is.
thats how it looks from her point of view and also from the point of view of the Police (which is where you dont want this to go).
Honestly mate without being cruel, she's definitely not what you might have thought. I'm not sure she's on the rebound as such, or vulnerable. By the sounds of it it's what she wants and it seems planned out.
She's gone mate... I'm really sorry to say. Even if you were able to get back with her, it's never gonna be the same.
Aint no family cruiser!!!
eliminator i know how you feel!!!!!!!! im in the exact same position!!! everything is identical except i didnt live with her and we wernt engaged... the facebook crap, the no explaination! random guys its all the same and she says the same thing bout me callin her, i just wanted to sort things out and understand why all a sudden she just up and left me... i feel your pain!
Going where no late model stato/caprice has gone before.... GAME ON!!
DW I'm a Spray Painter!
Been there, done that... it hurts for ages but you get over it.
Then 2-3 years later when you see her again and she is FAT AS! You’ll laugh and that’s when you’ll feel closure.
Hit the town and get as much as you can
Get a better one and then see her face next time, it will be priceless, I guarantee it!
Oh one thing, have any of her female friends talked to you about it?
VZ SSZ- LS1
LS-EXUAL
Now go out and get yourself a dirty for a nightAnd NO, i don't mean pay for one. Trust me, you won't get her back now, so the only thing you can do is move forward.
Now, you can move forward the easy way, or the hard way. Doesn't matter whether you go the easy way or the hard way, in the end, you still won't have her back. So i'd say the best way, would be the easy way, then you come out happier and possibly with someone new and better.
Then one day, you and your new missus are walking along minding your own business, and your ex walks past BY HERSELF, and you look at her, and keep walkingNo sadness lasts forever mate. It probably feels like it will, but it's virtually impossible to be depressed about an ex relationship FOREVER in my opinion. Time heals all wounds. Going out with the boys heals it quicker
Swerves for gay koalas
Mind Me Bloody Beer Champion!
Girls. Sometimes they will **** with you. Just have a sook, get it all out, then harden up and move on.
That might sound harsh or simplistic, or like I don't care etc, but it's the truth.
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LS-EXUAL
It's true. As much as men can be assholes to females, on the times females ARE bitches to men, they do it hard and direct.
Best revenge, is finding someone new, and her finding out. No need to say anything, no need to do anything. If she is contacting guys, why don't you contact some females? Don't try and tell us you don't know any either!
Are we there yet?
What he said
Are we there yet?
And what he said,sorry buddy but i think she is already gone and its been for a while.
The Holden Hunter!
It sound pretty hard but____
Mate you sound you've been living in the dark for a while so i'll try to help you out, women don't like to be controlled like animals and it sounds like your just covering the same s*^t she left you because you were being a head f#@k so the best thing you could do is leave her alone, WELL ALONE.
I'm just taking a guess but did you check her phone, emails, mail, ask where she was all the time, go nuts if she wanted to go out by herself with her friends cause you thought she was going to cheat on you?
I only mention it because if you did then it's on you, you need to back off and maybe in a year or two you might have a chance!!!
I might be way off the mark and you think i'm a prick but if i'm right you already lost the fight and you need to move on if not for her but for you.
Good luck and hope you do find the right one mate.
The Wagon on Wheels..
Live and learn man. It sux but after a seeing a few divorces around me i have seriously realised woman are fugged up when they decide that they are gonna go do what they want and leave you out of it. Nothing you do say will change them and they are stubborn as an ass.
Walk away, grab all your stuff, grab a spoonfull of cement, harden the fu*kup and move on. Damm sure she is/already has.
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Reaper
HZ Holden Fanatic
What a bitch. Bad luck mate.
Make the best of it mate, and find someone better. Obviously she wasn't worth the time. And so what if she gets taken advantage of by horny guys, might teach her a lesson in future.
Sorry if that sounds harsh btw.
Yeh lol, my mates saying is "Drink a cup of concrete and harden the **** up" lol.
But god........women can be the absoloute WORST and most impossible to deal/reason with.
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all i can say mate, is sorry to hear the bad news....but just like she is, you need to move on also, realise she has changed her mind and if she has made the right, or wrong decision she will have to figure that out for herself...while for you, it may also be the best thing
i know it may be hard, but you need to cheer up and go out with the blokes and have a good time trying to forget about it, rather than being at home with ALLLL the time in the world to think about it....dont let it ruin you or she has won
hope all the comments in this has helped you ( even though it isnt a good place to parade a problem ), nothing worse than seeing another man in a bad situation, i know id be pretty down if my gf left me, but sometimes life is ****ed and so are women...just got to move on and realise something is better around the corner, you just gotta pick yourself up and walk down to meet it
good luck mate
______________________________
As everyone says (and as much as you don't want to hear it I know, it sucks a$$) you can pretty much count her as gone, because in my experience with chicks when they start getting that way all you can do is leave them alone and move on with your life. If they come back there's a high probability she will leave again so you're better off finding someone else at this juncture. Friendship with an ex is a nice concept, but even if you can make it work (which does your head in almost as bad if not worse than the break up), there's always a slight tinge of awkwardness and usually by the time it's normal they've moved on and you've realised it's time you did too. If you don't leave them alone when they ask you to, they start talking about VRO's and police and if they take it that far, the police will see it from their point of view, so again as everyone says, leave her alone and don't pester her, don't text her, don't view her facebook profile 23 times a day to work out who she's talking to next, because all of that stuff won't make the process any easier and is likely to end with you being not allowed within a 5 km radius of her house/workplace etc
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Oh that's so true trophy girl ftw. Once I had an obsession with a girl for a decade. I was making one final attempt to catch her and took her to see the movie "the beach" so I was there watching this movie and seeing all these hot backpacker type girls just like the ones I had met on my then recent travels (but all the time thinking about the girl back home) so anyway she had tried to set me up with one of her friends that she brang along and when I sat next to her at the movie she moved across to the next seat and her friend sat next to me. I had a defining moment of calrity right then, I looked at the girls in the movie, I looked at her, movie her, her friend, movie and I thought thats it..... I'm over this bullshit, there's much better girls out there. At the end of the movie I said ok I'll see you around and I never didBeen there, done that... it hurts for ages but you get over it.
Then 2-3 years later when you see her again and she is FAT AS! You’ll laugh and that’s when you’ll feel closure.
Hit the town and get as much as you can
Get a better one and then see her face next time, it will be priceless, I guarantee it!
Oh one thing, have any of her female friends talked to you about it?
Last edited by greenfoam; 14-03-2009 at 04:01 AM.
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