Advice on tracking down family of deceased former girlfriend - NSW.

[Calaber]

OK. One from left field.

They say that the first love never really dies. After an absence of over thirty six years, I think they're right.

My first girlfriend and I started our relationship in early 1970 and it lasted for about a year or a bit more. We both worked for the same employer which was how we met. After we "split" (it was amicable because we lived so far apart), we both remained with the same government department but went our separate ways and never worked together again. We kept in touch occasionally and even attended another colleague's wedding in far northern NSW in 1974. As far as I can recollect, the last time we met was in passing whilst walking to work in the late 70's.

Recently, I became aware that she had passed away in 1980. She was only 26. I know precious little about her life after we separated, but from a very brief mention on a website, I have ascertained her date of death, the fact that she married and had two children. I have also been able to ascertain the names of those two children and her husband's name.

I now find that I seriously want to know what happened to her to have died so young but the gap of 36 years makes it difficult to work out where to search. I've tried the usual national searches against all the known family names in white pages, genealogy sites on the web (being limited here because they all want membership fees and I'd only use the site for this search) and even tried Facebook, where I've had one possible hit on her husband. (As soon as I can get my wife's Facebook access without her knowing, I'll try to go in and see if it's the husband, then take it from there if it is.)

Can anybody suggest other avenues I can legitimately try to contact family members after such a long time? Most of her siblings were girls and have obviously married, and even searching under anticipated married names has come up zip.

 

[mpower]

1. Tell wifey what you are doing.

2. Keep plugging along with the Facebooks, it's usually the best for this type of thing.

 

[dgp]

I think you need to consider how her husband might feel being contacted by you, being in a former relationship and all.

 

[Calaber]

I think you need to consider how her husband might feel being contacted by you, being in a former relationship and all.

I've thought long and hard about that one. It would be a very difficult thing to do and I'd prefer to use official channels to obtain the info, but privacy laws seem to prevent it. Our relationship was finished a number of years before she met the other fellow - there was no overlap at all. But even if I DO find him, any approach will have to be very tactful and might be in writing rather than a phone call out of the blue.

@mpower. Really no need to tell her - I'm only going to access one person's Facebook page to see if there is info on there which confirms he's the ex-husband. I can tell you there is NO way my other half would understand WHY I would want to make these inquiries. (TBH, I don't think I understand it either. It's just been a shock to learn she passed away so young. She was always vibrant and healthy during the time I knew her).

 

[Tatiana]

Could one of us look up the info for you rather than risk the wife finding out?

 

[Calaber]

Could one of us look up the info for you rather than risk the wife finding out?

It's a nice offer Tatiana and thank you, but I'd need to provide a bit too much personal info via the web. Out of respect for them I think I need to keep it to myself. Also, I'm not familiar with the sort and amount of info that Facebook members provide, but I'd be looking for the names of children and perhaps even old photos to "clinch the deal". Even though she passed away long before the internet arrived, perhaps her husband has posted old pics. It's a long shot but I can't think of anything else - hence this thread.

Edit: Actually, another option has just occurred to me. My daughter uses Facebook and has a far more open and understanding attitude to sentiment. (I am a terrible sentimentalist whereas my wife has little time for dwelling on the past.) The daughter also knows about my former girlfriend and the fact that I am a bit distressed at the news of her passing, even though it was half a lifetime ago. I am sure she would assist without letting her mother know. (As an aside, my wife's former fiance - done and dusted years before we met too - was drowned in a boating accident at Bathurst last year. It was in the news and his name was given. We checked and it was the ex-fiance. Wife's reaction? Meh.) Cant understand how you can have a relationship that goes as far as engagement, then care so little when you hear they have died, even years later, but that's her.

Still open to other suggestions, though.

 

[VS_Pete]

1. Tell wifey what you are doing.

have to agree.

 

[VS_Pete]

I think you need to consider how her husband might feel being contacted by you, being in a former relationship and all.

Spot on.............

 

[VS_Pete]

sorry Calaber posted before your updates

 

[Calaber]

sorry Calaber posted before your updates

That's ok mate. I hope the reasons for taking this course of action are understandable.