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One liners

Discussion in 'Jokes/Humour' started by bazcom, Sep 18, 2008.

  1. bazcom

    bazcom New Member

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    I keep having my profile on that dating website 'Match.com' rejected.
    One of the questions is, 'What do you want in a woman?'
    Apparently 'my dick' is not an acceptable answer.


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    A suicide bomber runs into a pet shop and yells, 'you've all got 30 seconds to get out!'
    The tortoise at the back of the shop shouts, 'you prick!'


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    Why are men like clouds?

    Eventually they **** off and its a really nice day!



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    My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood. We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am in a bad mood, it leaves a fu*king big red mark on her forehead.


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    Zebo, a half blind five year old South African orphan, has to ride 7 miles a day to school with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels and no brakes. Give just small donation of 2 dollars and we'll send you the video, it's hilarious.


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    Two men are in a pub. One says to his mate 'My mother-in-law is an angel'. The reply from his friend...... 'You're so fu*king lucky... Mine's still alive...'



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    A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
    The librarian says; '**** off, you won't bring it back.'


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    2 Men in a pub and one is riding a Bucking Bronco Machine. He lasts over 10 minutes.
    'Geeeeez mate, that was impressive!'
    'I get lots of practice' replied the other guy. 'My Wife’s an epileptic!'
     
  2. Jesterarts

    Jesterarts Your freedom ends where mine begins

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    HAhahaha... the last one is so wrong! lol
     
  3. VrWagz1

    VrWagz1 The Wagon on Wheels..

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    lol, nice i havnt heard these ones.
     
  4. Joey_21

    Joey_21 New Member

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    My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood. We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am in a bad mood, it leaves a fu*king big red mark on her forehead. "

    I LOL'D HARD AT THAT ONE AND THE LAST ONE
     
  5. LightningVP

    LightningVP Donating Member

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    Good to hear some new liners :D suprised that I've never heard any before, all very funny :w00t:
     
  6. Lizzard

    Lizzard New Member

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    I tried to join a Tourettes support group, but they told me to f**k off
     

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