First one is an oldie but i was tempted to pass it around at work ^_^ joke #2 is a new one to me and i think its a giggle In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8 X 10 cell. At work you spend most of your time in a 6 X 8 cubicle. In prison you get three meals a day. At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for that one. In prison you get time off for good behavior. At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work. In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself. In prison you can watch TV and play games. At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games. In prison they only ball-and-chain you when you go somewhere. At work you are just ball-and-chained. In prison you get your own toilet. At work you have to wait in line and share the toilet. In prison they allow your family and friends to visit. At work you cannot even speak to your family and friends. In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers, with no work required. At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners. In prison you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out. At work you spend most of your time wanting to get out and then inside bars. A car breaks down along the expressway one day, so the driver eases it over onto the side of the road. He jumps out of the car, opens the trunk, and pulls out two men in trench coats. The men stand behind the car, open up their coats and start exposing themselves to the oncoming traffic. This results in one of the worst pile-ups in history. When questioned by police about why he put two deviates along the side of the road, the man replied, "I broke down and was just using my emergency flashers!