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Advice on tracking down family of deceased former girlfriend - NSW.

uniacidz

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I personally would try facebook otherwise a detective, ancestory.com etc perhaps

However and a big however
Chasing up a ex dead girlfriends family is strange and odd

As harsh as it is, what can be accomplished from it?

1. There's the fact you doing it behind the wife's knowledge.
2. There's the husband also and family involved too.

I honestly see no positive in it

They would have moved on, and whilst death.is never great, think you have to love what you loved with her and keep those memories to heart and leave it at that

Please really have a good think about this.
 

SavVYute

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Tried 'Trove' website Calaber? The digitised newspaper section might have the actual funeral notice with a lot of the information.
 

Jecs

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damn, this story has got me super curious to find out what happen after you two went your separate ways.

bit rude of me asking, but keen to find out more info once you discover.


have you considered creating a fake facebook account? (unreleated: ive never had facebook, so unaware how to do create one - but have heard of men/women using a fake account to access tinder)

I believe if you wrote a letter to the husband, and explained you two were work colleagues with a special bond, and after finding out she had passed, it has left you distraught.

i know if that was me and i read a letter along the lines of that, id happily invite you into my house for a drink.
 

Calaber

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I personally would try facebook otherwise a detective, ancestory.com etc perhaps

However and a big however
Chasing up a ex dead girlfriends family is strange and odd

As harsh as it is, what can be accomplished from it?

1. There's the fact you doing it behind the wife's knowledge.
2. There's the husband also and family involved too.

I honestly see no positive in it

They would have moved on, and whilst death.is never great, think you have to love what you loved with her and keep those memories to heart and leave it at that

Please really have a good think about this.

Believe me, I know that it's an unusual thing to do, but I imagine I'm not alone with this sort of conundrum. If I'd known about it earlier, it would have been easier and less intrusive to make those inquiries. I guess I'm hoping that time heals all wounds" (Just wish to hell it would heal mine).

I like your line about loving what you loved and keeping those memories to heart. I think perhaps I'm trying to assuage some deep guilt about never having known and paying my respects at the time. I DO feel badly about that.

But yes, any inquiries will be very succinct and if I do trace the family, that's when I stop and think hard about the next step. Good advice.
 

Calaber

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damn, this story has got me super curious to find out what happen after you two went your separate ways.

bit rude of me asking, but keen to find out more info once you discover.


have you considered creating a fake facebook account? (unreleated: ive never had facebook, so unaware how to do create one - but have heard of men/women using a fake account to access tinder)

I believe if you wrote a letter to the husband, and explained you two were work colleagues with a special bond, and after finding out she had passed, it has left you distraught.

i know if that was me and i read a letter along the lines of that, id happily invite you into my house for a drink.

Jecs

You have nailed it with your comment. Those were precisely the details I proposed in the letter to cause the least disrespect or distress. I know it can be done tactfully and tastefully and also know I have the ability to write such a letter. If this thing ever advances, I might post the outcome, leaving personal details out of course.
 

CoffeeMonster

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did you try contacting her old school friends from back then? she must have had some sort of BFF you were aware of.
 

Calaber

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did you try contacting her old school friends from back then? she must have had some sort of BFF you were aware of.

No. Good suggestion but we met at work. She never mentioned any friends that I can recall and its over forty years ago. Even if she had mentioned them, I couldn't recall the names after such a long time.
 

Hertz Donut

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Whatever you do, I'd ditch any thought of mentioning being in a relationship with her. Consider her a good friend from the past, nothing more. Seems to me you were about 16-18 years old back then, correct? Youthful flings were fun (from memory...) but I reckon none of them were ever as deep and meaningful as we romanticise they were.

I've lost a few friends over the years, some closer than others. I had a good friend commit suicide 3 years ago, a couple of years after I'd lost touch with her, and I felt a lot of grief about that. Part of me wants to know how and why she did it (although I can kind of guess why) and I know a few mutual friends probably know this, but after some thought I decided that how she ended her life was far less important than how she had lived it. I prefer to remember her as the vivacious, friendly, intelligent, beautiful woman she was rather than knowing how the fullstop was put on her life story.

Feel free to ignore me, just something to think about.

Good luck.
 

Not_An_Abba_Fan

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I don't find it strange at all. People are social creatures and one can't bury ones head in the sand and pretend that you were your wife's first relationship. Her husband knows she had previous relationships so contact after such a long time, and particularly because she has died, isn't so intrusive or bad form at all. If she was still around and they were still happily married and then you decided to contact her, that would be concerning.

Can you find any of your former colleagues and see if they may know the what's, where's and when's?
 
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