Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure." --- The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs. --- Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it? --- I've sure gotten old.! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license. --- A 97-year-old man goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered." "Sir," replied the doctor, "you're 97 Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?" "You're damned right it is!" replied the old man. "That's why I want it lowered!" --- An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over K-Mart. "K-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why K-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week." ---My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. ---It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker. ---The good news is that even as we get older, guys still look at boobs. The bad news is they have to squat down first. ---These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief." ---Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches. ---Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.! --- Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing. - --THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Hilarious. Same great stuff tha we can expect from Rat. Another email just got sent out to workmates! Hope they don't pin me for the "email misuse policy" thing, although, I am one of the techs.. I can find a way out of it :whistling
Three Stages of our sex lives! The three stages of our sex lives have been described in increasing age as follows: Stage 1: Tri-weekly. Stage 2: Try weekly. Stage 3: Try weakly. Luckily, stage 2 does not start until very late in life.
omg, I nearly spay my Budweiser all over the PC screen when I read the one about the funeral. Top Job Rat.
Sorry about that, mate... I will try and keep them toned downa bit then....looooooool.....(that will teach you for drinking Bud...looool..)......
