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Baby joke

Discussion in 'Jokes/Humour' started by Dayvo, May 31, 2019.

  1. Dayvo

    Dayvo Because i can

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    Apr 28, 2005
    South East,Victoria
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    VE SV6 Series 2
    The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate
    father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to
    arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be
    here soon" Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby
    photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

    "Good morning, madam. I've come to...."
    "Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
    "Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good. I've made a speciality of
    "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat"

    After a moment, she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
    "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
    couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is
    fun too; you can really spread out!"
    "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me"
    "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But, if we
    try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven different
    angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results"
    "My, that's a lot of....." gasped Mrs. Smith.
    "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in
    and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure"
    "Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.

    The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
    baby pictures.
    "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London"
    "Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
    "And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their
    mother was so difficult to work with"
    "She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
    "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job
    done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get
    a good look"
    "Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
    "Yes," the photographer said, "And for more than three hours too. The
    mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate.
    Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the
    squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
    Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean squirrels actually chewed on your,
    "That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so we
    can get to work."
    "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for
    me to hold for very long. Madam? Madam? ....... Good Lord, she's
    lmoengnr and VS_Pete like this.

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