Being an Aussie

> 1. You know the meaning of the word "girt".
>
> 2. You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.
>
> 3. You think it's normal to have a leader called Kevin.
>
> 4. You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount
> vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse.
>
> 5. You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for
> something illegal such as watering the garden.
>
> 6. You believe it is appropriate to put a rubber in your son's pencil
> case when he first attends school.
>
> 7. When you hear that an American "roots for his team" you wonder how
> often and with whom.
>
> 8. You understand that the phrase "a group of women wearing black
> thongs" refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.
>
> 9. You pronounce Melbourne as "Mel-bin".
>
> 10. You pronounce Penrith as "Pen-riff".
>
> 11. You believe the "l" in the word "Australia" is optional.
>
> 12. You can translate: "Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way
> to Maccas."
>
> 13. You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its
> highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.
>
> 14. You call your best friend "a total bastard" but someone you
> really, truly despise is just "a bit of a bastard".
>
> 15. You think "Woolloomooloo" is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.
>
> 16. You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife.
>
> 17. You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's
> twice as big as its $2 coin.
>
> 18. You understand that "Wagga Wagga" can be abbreviated to "Wagga"
> but "Woy Woy" can't be called "Woy".
>
> 19. You believe that cooked-down axlegrease makes a good breakfast spread.
>
> 20. You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they
> stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.
>
> 21. Hamburger. Beetroot. Of course.
>
> 22. You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during
> any rendition of the Angels' song Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again.
>
> 23. You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionary known
> as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.
>
> 24. You still don't get why the "Labor" in "Australian Labor Party" is
> not spelt with a "u".
>
> 25. You wear ugh boots outside the house.
>
> 26. You believe, as an article of faith, that every important
> discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to
> the Yanks for a pittance.
>
> 27. You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them.
>
> 28. Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order
> takeaway fluently in every Asian language.
>
> 29. You understand that "excuse me" can sound rude, while "scuse me"
> is always polite.
>
> 30. You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.
>
> 31. You understand that "you" has a plural and that it's "youse".
>
> 32. You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle.
>
> 33. Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules
> for beach cricket.
>
> 34. You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what
> they call "Anzac cookies".
>
> 35. You still think of Kylie as "that girl off Neighbours".
>
> 36. When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally
> strip-searched by Customs - just in case you're trying to sneak in
> fruit.
>
> 37. You believe the phrase "smart casual" refers to a pair of black
> tracky-daks, suitably laundered.
>
> 38. You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction.
>
> 39. When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the
> need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.
>
> 40. You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national
> anthem and then have trouble remembering the second.
>
> 41. You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed
> essential in the government's new test for migrants.
>
> 42. You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says "cobber".
>
> 43. And you will immediately forward this list to other Australians,
> here and overseas, realising that only they will understand.