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Blonde Jokes

Discussion in 'Jokes/Humour' started by STEALTHY™, Sep 27, 2005.

  1. STEALTHY™

    STEALTHY™ So Wet For You!

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    At request of Sosages, here a thread for blonde jokes!


    Q: What do u call a blonde with half a brain?
    A: Gifted

    Q: What do u call a blonde with 2 brin cells?
    A: Pregnant

    Q: How do u brainwash a blonde?
    A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down

    Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
    A: Because they can't even keep two calves together

    Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
    A: To catch everything that goes over their head

    Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
    A: You can park in the handicap zone

    Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
    A: They both get ****ed up when they're on their back

    Q: Whats a blonde's favourite nursery rhyme?
    A: Humpme Dumpme

    Q: Why dont blondes eat jello?
    A: They cant figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages

    Q: Why dont blondes eat pickles?
    A: Because they cant get their head in the jar

    Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
    A: Because red means stop

    Q: Why do bolndes wear red lipstick?
    A: Because red means 'stop wrong hole'.

    Q: Whats the mating call of the blonde?
    A: 'I'm soooo drunk!'

    Q: Why do blondes drive BMW's?
    A: Because they can spell it


    AUTO REPAIR
    A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tell the mechanic it died. After he works on it ofr a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
    She says, 'what's the story?'
    He replies, 'just crap in the carburettor.'
    She asks, 'how often do i have to do that?'

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    SPEEDING TICKET
    A police officer stops a blonde ofr speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her licence.
    She replies in a huff, 'i wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my licence and then today you expect me to show it to you!'

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    EXPOSURE
    A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.
    A policeman approaches her nad says, 'ma'am, are you aware that i could cite you for indecent exposure?'
    She says, 'why officer?' 'Because your breast is hanging out.' he says.
    She looks down and says, 'OH MY GOD, i left the baby on the bus again!'

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    RIVER WALK
    There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
    'Yoo-hoo' she shouts, 'How can i get to the other side?'
    The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'you ARE on the other side.'

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    KNITTING
    A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bull horn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
    'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very
    attractive blonde woman arrived & bet twenty thousand dollars on a
    Single roll of the dice.

    She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm
    completely nude. With that, she stripped from the Neck down, rolled
    the dice &yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

    As the dice came to a stop she jumped up &down and squealed ..

    "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!"

    She hugged each of the dealers &then picked up her winnings &her
    Clothes & quickly departed.

    The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

    Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered,
    "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

    MORAL: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men

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    Two sisters, one is blonde and the other brunette, inherit a family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.
    In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. So the brunette decides she will go to the local market and search for one.
    Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, “When I find one, and if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out there and haul it home.”
    The brunette arrives at the market, inspects a bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.
    After paying him, she drives to the local telegraph office to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
    She walks into the telegraph office, and says, “I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.”
    The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds “It will cist you 99 cents a word.”Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word.
    After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, “I want you to send her the word comfortable”.
    The telegraph operator shakes his head. “How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word ‘comfortable’?”

    The brunette explains, “My sister’s blonde. The word’s big. She’ll read it slowly. (“com-for-da-bull”)

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    A blonde walks into an electronics store and looks at a TV. She walks up to the front desk and asks to buy it. The man behind the counter replies: "Sorry, we dont serve blondes."
    So the next day the blonde dyes her hair red and walks in, asks for the same TV again- the man replies the same as before. "Sorry, we dont serve blondes."

    The next day the blonde returns with shorter, brown hair and a hat and sunglasses on- fully covering her identity. After asking for the TV again and the man behind the counter saying "How many times must i tell you- we DONT serve blondes" the confussed woman asks:
    "But how do you know I'm blonde?"
    The man replies: "Cos it's a bloody microwave NOT a TV!"



    ahhhh blondes...never a dull moment...pun intended! :p
     
  2. Boonz

    Boonz Donating Member

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    LMAO nice one stelthy:thumbsup:
     
  3. s0sage

    s0sage Posting aimlessly ..

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    fkn oath stealthy m8 ... :thumbsup: nice one



    glad to see at least one person round this joint listens to me ..... hahah :yeah:
     
  4. BR377

    BR377 Guest

    ROFL they are classic, :thumbsup: :D
     
  5. czerwonyVN

    czerwonyVN New Member

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    how do you make a woman blind?
    stick a windscreen in front of her

    why do women wear white wedding dresses?
    so they match the other kitchen appliances
     
  6. luvmycommodore

    luvmycommodore Mum's Taxi *sigh*

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    Why are most blonde jokes one-liners?
    So men can understand them.

    What do men and floor tiles have in common?
    If you lay them properly the first time you can walk all over them forever.

    Very funny though Sos - i love blonde jokes :D
     
  7. Patrio7

    Patrio7 3Y3 K4N 5P33K 1337.

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    what do you call a group of blones sitting in a circle? a dope ring.

    how many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    two but they had better be damn small to fit in the bulb.
     

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