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Collection of jokes

MikesVT

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Nothing :'(
Ok, as I think of/hear any jokes or anything that I think might be funny I'll post it in here rather than make a new thread every time.

Tiger wood's was driving his new BMW down a highway through a small country town in the US. As he pulled into a gas station, everyone was checking out the car as they hardly ever see a new car, let alone a BMW.
While the gas station attendant is filling up the car, Tiger gets out, but as he does two 'tees' fall out of his pocket.
The attendant asks what they were. Tiger replied "They are called 'tee's', You rest your balls on them when you are driving."
The attendant then replied "Wow... BMW think of everything."


An Italian married couple of about 60 we're planning a trip to Jerusalem. The husband and his mother in law never got along, yet the wife insisted that her mother, who was quite elderly had to come with them on their trip. The husband protested but to no avail.
While on their trip, the mother-in-law passes away.
At customs the couple was told that they could bury the mother-in-law in Jerusalem for a couple hundred dollars, or alternitively they could bring her back to Italy with them but this could cost thousands of dollars.
The husband gets up and with a stern voice makes it quite clear that he wants to bring his mother in law back to Italy with them no matter what the cost.
The customs officers say "Woah... You must really love your mother in law if your willing to spend whatever it costs to bring her back home with you."
To which the husband replies "No. 2000 years ago a man was burried here, 3 days later he rose from the dead... I'm not taking any chances!"
 

Christina

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MikesVT said:
Ok, as I think of/hear any jokes or anything that I think might be funny I'll post it in here rather than make a new thread every time.

Tiger wood's was driving his new BMW down a highway through a small country town in the US. As he pulled into a gas station, everyone was checking out the car as they hardly ever see a new car, let alone a BMW.
While the gas station attendant is filling up the car, Tiger gets out, but as he does two 'tees' fall out of his pocket.
The attendant asks what they were. Tiger replied "They are called 'tee's', You rest your balls on them when you are driving."
The attendant then replied "Wow... BMW think of everything."


An Italian married couple of about 60 we're planning a trip to Jerusalem. The husband and his mother in law never got along, yet the wife insisted that her mother, who was quite elderly had to come with them on their trip. The husband protested but to no avail.
While on their trip, the mother-in-law passes away.
At customs the couple was told that they could bury the mother-in-law in Jerusalem for a couple hundred dollars, or alternitively they could bring her back to Italy with them but this could cost thousands of dollars.
The husband gets up and with a stern voice makes it quite clear that he wants to bring his mother in law back to Italy with them no matter what the cost.
The customs officers say "Woah... You must really love your mother in law if your willing to spend whatever it costs to bring her back home with you."
To which the husband replies "No. 2000 years ago a man was burried here, 3 days later he rose from the dead... I'm not taking any chances!"

lol the jesus joke, ive known that one for a while lol
 
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