C
Commodoresilva
Guest
When Mum and I are in Sydney, we stay in a suburb called Meadowbank... and the people they really should be in a home!
CRAZYWOMAN
My mum came up with this name for the crazy woman at the bottom of our stairwell, (we're up the top, she's down on the ground floor). I must admit I feel deeply sorry for her because she has a twisted spine and she can't stand up straight. She's also a midget and because of her spine, she can neither walk properly nor in a straight line. So, I feel sorry for her... but just read this...
These are quotes I've heard from her over the years...
"OH WHADDAYA EXPECT ME TO DO!!!"
"OH SHUT-UP!"
"OH I DONT WANNA HEAR IT"
"I'M GONNA FUCKIN KILL YOU!!!!!"
"AH YA FUCKIN ****!!!"
"YOU'RE ON MY BACK, GET OFF!"
"YOU'RE ON MY CHEST, GET OFF!"
"GET OFF!"
"ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!"
"<applause>"
No, she's not talking to someone, SHE'S ALONE! Poor Woman, she probably can't help the mental disease she has...
BIRDWOMAN
I've decided to type in all the conversions she's has to me and people that I know.
This is how I met her...
I had just crossed the road with my Dog when this Polish Woman in her 60s came and spoke to me.
Woman: What are you doing?
Me: G'day, I'm just walking my dog. Would you like to pat him?
Woman: You no like de birds?
Me: Sorry?
Woman: De birds. You no like de birds?
Me: No, I didn't say I don't like the birds.
Woman: You die, dog die, everybody die.
Me: O...K...
Me: Um... bye.
Woman: ****!
I apologise for the bad grammar, she can only JUST speak English, however, she did improve. Her English, that is...
Second meeting. I was standing in my driveway when she comes up to me.
Me: Hello.
Woman: What are you doing?
Me: I'm just putting the rubbish out.
Woman: <glares at me>
Me: Hey! I've just figured out who you are!
Woman: Who?
Me: You're that Woman who was throwing crap over the train-line fence!
Woman: <pushes me>
Woman: <grabs her dress>
Woman: I kill you! I kill you! I kill you!
Woman: ****!
I retreat inside.
Third meeting. I was walking down to the park when she crosses the road to speak to me. We're walking down the street talking to each other...
Woman: You don't have to be smart.
Me: Huh?
Woman: Smart! Don't be smart!
Me: Are you saying I'm a smartarse?
Woman: Yes.
Me: But I haven't said anything to you today.
Woman: Don't look!
Me: What?
Woman: Don't look at me!
Me: You don't want me to look at you?
Woman: Yes.
Me: OK, see 'ya later.
Woman: ****!
Fourth meeting. I was walking Benji at night when she crossed the road. By now I was really getting sick of this so I usually went out of my way to stay away from her. I started walking towards the Train Station even though I wasn't planning to go there when...
Woman: Come here.
Me: <turns round>
Me: WHAT?
Woman: You leave me alone.
Me: Look, you called me over, so don't start telling me to leave you alone! So, what do you want?
Woman: Stay away from me!
Me: Look, I'm not out to hurt you, I swear.
Woman: I kill you, I swear.
Me: Whatever!
Woman: ****!
The morning after... Mum took Benji out for a walk. Benji's the dog, incase you haven't guessed. Mind you, I had only mentioned Birdwoman ONCE to my mum, the night before.
Woman: What is your problem?
Mum: Excuse me?
Woman: You and your son, what is problem with me?
Mum: I've never seen you in my life. Get away from me or I'll call the Police.
Woman: I'll call God! Do you believe in God?
Mum: Leave me alone.
Woman: I'll hurt you, I'll hurt your son and I'll kill your dog!
Mum: <turns round>
Mum: EXCUSE ME!?
Woman: I said I'll hurt you, I'll hurt your son and I'll kill your dog!
Mum: Piss off!
Later that afternoon... I was walking down the street when I saw her sitting on a little wooden fence. I was still angry about what Mum had told me, so I stormed accross the street and yelled out...
Me: YOU COME NEAR ME AND MY FAMILY EVER AGAIN AND I'LL CALL THE POLICE! IS THAT CLEAR!?
Woman: ****! ****! Sh-
Me: OH **** OFF!!!
She's spoken to some friends of mine in the next building of flats. I was hanging withy them in the building's carpark when this argument started. She was sitting on the front fence of my building...
Me: GET OFF THAT FENCE! NOW!
Me: GO ON! GET OFF MY PROPERTY! BEFORE I CALL THE POLICE! NOOOOW!
Eventually, she picks up a stick from my front yard and chases me out of the carpark I was in. Then I did a very stupid thing, I left a 9 and 10 year old to fend for themselves against this fruit loop.
Me: Um... see 'ya later guys.
But the 9 year old had something to say...
Chris: Why did you scare my friend away?
Woman: Because he was hurting you.
And there's my neighbour's story... he caught her looking through his kitchen window.
Colin: Can I help you? Are you looking for someone?
Woman: Yes, I'm looking for the Russians.
FACTS ABOUT BIRDWOMAN
She's ugly.
She's in her 60s.
She's blonde.
She's got glasses.
She feeds the birds in the street, which in this street, is illegal.
She's already been charged with assault on School Kids in West Ryde.
She's scared of Dirty Hands.
She fears the Russians.
She's stupid.
She's violent.
She stands on her balcony and holds a bed sheet like a bird's wing and flaps her arms.
She sent her husband back to Poland.
She's Polish.
What do you think of all this?
CRAZYWOMAN
My mum came up with this name for the crazy woman at the bottom of our stairwell, (we're up the top, she's down on the ground floor). I must admit I feel deeply sorry for her because she has a twisted spine and she can't stand up straight. She's also a midget and because of her spine, she can neither walk properly nor in a straight line. So, I feel sorry for her... but just read this...
These are quotes I've heard from her over the years...
"OH WHADDAYA EXPECT ME TO DO!!!"
"OH SHUT-UP!"
"OH I DONT WANNA HEAR IT"
"I'M GONNA FUCKIN KILL YOU!!!!!"
"AH YA FUCKIN ****!!!"
"YOU'RE ON MY BACK, GET OFF!"
"YOU'RE ON MY CHEST, GET OFF!"
"GET OFF!"
"ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!"
"<applause>"
No, she's not talking to someone, SHE'S ALONE! Poor Woman, she probably can't help the mental disease she has...
BIRDWOMAN
I've decided to type in all the conversions she's has to me and people that I know.
This is how I met her...
I had just crossed the road with my Dog when this Polish Woman in her 60s came and spoke to me.
Woman: What are you doing?
Me: G'day, I'm just walking my dog. Would you like to pat him?
Woman: You no like de birds?
Me: Sorry?
Woman: De birds. You no like de birds?
Me: No, I didn't say I don't like the birds.
Woman: You die, dog die, everybody die.
Me: O...K...
Me: Um... bye.
Woman: ****!
I apologise for the bad grammar, she can only JUST speak English, however, she did improve. Her English, that is...
Second meeting. I was standing in my driveway when she comes up to me.
Me: Hello.
Woman: What are you doing?
Me: I'm just putting the rubbish out.
Woman: <glares at me>
Me: Hey! I've just figured out who you are!
Woman: Who?
Me: You're that Woman who was throwing crap over the train-line fence!
Woman: <pushes me>
Woman: <grabs her dress>
Woman: I kill you! I kill you! I kill you!
Woman: ****!
I retreat inside.
Third meeting. I was walking down to the park when she crosses the road to speak to me. We're walking down the street talking to each other...
Woman: You don't have to be smart.
Me: Huh?
Woman: Smart! Don't be smart!
Me: Are you saying I'm a smartarse?
Woman: Yes.
Me: But I haven't said anything to you today.
Woman: Don't look!
Me: What?
Woman: Don't look at me!
Me: You don't want me to look at you?
Woman: Yes.
Me: OK, see 'ya later.
Woman: ****!
Fourth meeting. I was walking Benji at night when she crossed the road. By now I was really getting sick of this so I usually went out of my way to stay away from her. I started walking towards the Train Station even though I wasn't planning to go there when...
Woman: Come here.
Me: <turns round>
Me: WHAT?
Woman: You leave me alone.
Me: Look, you called me over, so don't start telling me to leave you alone! So, what do you want?
Woman: Stay away from me!
Me: Look, I'm not out to hurt you, I swear.
Woman: I kill you, I swear.
Me: Whatever!
Woman: ****!
The morning after... Mum took Benji out for a walk. Benji's the dog, incase you haven't guessed. Mind you, I had only mentioned Birdwoman ONCE to my mum, the night before.
Woman: What is your problem?
Mum: Excuse me?
Woman: You and your son, what is problem with me?
Mum: I've never seen you in my life. Get away from me or I'll call the Police.
Woman: I'll call God! Do you believe in God?
Mum: Leave me alone.
Woman: I'll hurt you, I'll hurt your son and I'll kill your dog!
Mum: <turns round>
Mum: EXCUSE ME!?
Woman: I said I'll hurt you, I'll hurt your son and I'll kill your dog!
Mum: Piss off!
Later that afternoon... I was walking down the street when I saw her sitting on a little wooden fence. I was still angry about what Mum had told me, so I stormed accross the street and yelled out...
Me: YOU COME NEAR ME AND MY FAMILY EVER AGAIN AND I'LL CALL THE POLICE! IS THAT CLEAR!?
Woman: ****! ****! Sh-
Me: OH **** OFF!!!
She's spoken to some friends of mine in the next building of flats. I was hanging withy them in the building's carpark when this argument started. She was sitting on the front fence of my building...
Me: GET OFF THAT FENCE! NOW!
Me: GO ON! GET OFF MY PROPERTY! BEFORE I CALL THE POLICE! NOOOOW!
Eventually, she picks up a stick from my front yard and chases me out of the carpark I was in. Then I did a very stupid thing, I left a 9 and 10 year old to fend for themselves against this fruit loop.
Me: Um... see 'ya later guys.
But the 9 year old had something to say...
Chris: Why did you scare my friend away?
Woman: Because he was hurting you.
And there's my neighbour's story... he caught her looking through his kitchen window.
Colin: Can I help you? Are you looking for someone?
Woman: Yes, I'm looking for the Russians.
FACTS ABOUT BIRDWOMAN
She's ugly.
She's in her 60s.
She's blonde.
She's got glasses.
She feeds the birds in the street, which in this street, is illegal.
She's already been charged with assault on School Kids in West Ryde.
She's scared of Dirty Hands.
She fears the Russians.
She's stupid.
She's violent.
She stands on her balcony and holds a bed sheet like a bird's wing and flaps her arms.
She sent her husband back to Poland.
She's Polish.
What do you think of all this?