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[VT-VX] How to change your Tie Rod Ends and Steering Arm Boots

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It has been a long time coming, but finally it is here. What you have all been waiting for.. Another BoyPocketsJr How too. Now featuring less intelligent jokes, more toilet humour.. And a SPELL CHECK! No doubt the whole How Too should be more adumbrated, but if you skim over all the crap, you will get the idea.

Pre apologies to the more elderly and serious members of Just Commodores, but you have to understand my mind is dirtier than a cloacae. Also I don't have a 'gramma' check.. So leave me alone!

This was all very Serendipitous of myself, as I actually did the procedure very differently and stumbled across this way of doing it.. However as you don't NEED to remove your whole steering arm to do this procedure, I have provided these instructions which I am 89% sure will work!

So this is pretty much two how too's in one. Changing Tie Rod Ends, and changing steering arm Boots. You only really need to change your boots if there is a tear in them, and you don't need to change both at the same time, but as they are relatively cheap (Around $20), you may as well change both. When you do buy them, make sure you get ones pre-supplied with Zip ties so you don't have to go buy any.

As the Tie Rods Ends are effectively a ball joint, it's a good idea to replace both at the same time. This will better balance your car, and you can bet if you replace one, and leave the other, then the next week you will have the car up doing the exact same thing.

As always I take no responsibility if you #### your car up. I am not a trained mechanic, and don't claim to be. If you think you have a better way of doing something in the how too, then just shut the #### up because I don't want to hear it. But in all honesty, please post what they are to better help the members.

Also I ask that you post your experience with the how too, and any troubles that arose during the procedure. It's the least you can do to give back to the forum and help other members get a better chance of doing the procedure correctly.

Once again I failed to take pictures, and also forget some of the sizes, so please double check my spanner sizes for me when you do :D. And any pictures you take would be very much appreciated.

This following how too was completed on a VX commodore. I know for a fact most models are similar, so you should have no dramas doing it to your **** box. Please double check your spanners fit nicely on the bolt before turning!

No pelicans were harmed in the making of this How Too.

What you need.

Parts:
Steering Rack Boots x2
Tie Rod Ends x2

Tools:
24mm Spanner (I think, I just used a 15" adjustable fully extended, but my 23mm JUST didn't fit on it)
16mm Spanner (I think... God just go buy yourself a decent spanner kit! They are not that expensive)
Hammer
Jack
Car Stands x2
Razor blade knife (Nice thick one)
Cheap white spray paint (Trust me on this one)
Have your car pre booked in the next morning for a wheel alignment
Beer (Quantity is fully up to you, although the more you have the merrier
Rags, lots of rags (And not the Girl kind either... that's just disgusting)
High temp Grease (buy the most expensive **** you can find)
Long nose pliers

Steps:

Step one:
Beer... I have said it once, I have said it a thousand times. Drink Beer! It's very important to get well lubricated before doing anything strenuous. God help us if we were dry and got friction burn. I imagine it's a similar scenario to a woman putting in her tampon.

Step two:
Jack up the front of your car... Remember before you jack up your car to pre loosen the lug nuts on your front wheels. This means that the wheel wont just spin in the air once the car is up. Now I know it can be a rather polemical point at times, but I can't stress how important it is to use car stands while doing this procedure. It's not ok to put a jack on either side of your car and then put the tires underneath your car. If the car falls on you there is a good chance that it WILL kill you. After you have put the car up on the car stands, it's also a good idea to extend the jack and keep it at the front of the car braced on the front bar.. Just one more safety precaution can't hurt can it?
If you don't have car stands buy some, if you can't buy some, borrow some, if you can't borrow some, DON'T do this procedure.

Step Three:
Remove front wheels... I don't know how I expand on this. I'm pretty sure I should say some coy comment about Women's inability to do the most simplest task when it comes to cars, but truth is my opinion has been changed by this fantastic Woman I met who is going to join the army to become a diesel mechanic.. I'm in love. And just a side note, as the TV is on... Julia Gillard has a MASSIVE Schnoz.

Step Four:
Spray the visible thread on the tie rod ends... Ok this is a neat little trick. There is a bolt behind the Tie Rod end that keeps everything nice and tight. Now most people will tell you before you remove it, to use a permanent marker to mark the thread behind it so when you put the new part on, you can screw it back to the right position and thus keep the wheel alignment. However as there is quite allot of smeg•ma built up on the thread itself, this won't do much. Where if you spray it with white spray paint, you will visibly be able to see where the bolt was!

Step Five:
Loosen the bolt by one thread (Leave it there)... Using your 24mm spanner, loosen the bolt off by just one thread. It will be done up relatively tight, but not too tight. Just put it off one thread so you don't get rid of the spray paint you just sprayed on. Now you're working in a very tight space so much sure you don't hurt your phalanges when you have your hands in there pushing very hard on the spanner. Try just smacking it with your palm to loosen it off. If you can't loosen it, then drop your hand bag, and drink some ready mix you BLOUSE.

Step Six:
Remove pin from bolt on the top of the tie rod end... You will see that on the top of your tie rod end, the bolt has a little pin through it. You need remove this. You can use your Long Nose pliers to put it out. It will need to be bent and made as straight as possible. If you can't get it out with long nose pliers, then you might need to result to a hammer!
If at first you don't succeed.. Smash it.. hard.. Like you would your wife after a fight.

Step seven:
Unscrew the bolt... Pretty self explanatory? no its not! Here's what I want you to do. If you're not replacing the Tie rod ends, then you need to unscrew the bolt but leave it on (It should stick up with one piece of thread visible on the inside of the bolt). If you are replacing the Tie Rod's, then remove the bolt completely.

Step eight:
Smack the #### out of the pin!... right, now if you are replacing the tie rod ends, then smack the side of the wheel assembly where the pin on top of the Tie Rod end sits. Give it a few good hard hits then smack the top of the pin and the Tie rod end should pop out. If you are not replacing the Tie Rod ends, then do the same, but hit the pin with the bolt still on.. This prevents the top of the tread from being ####ed. From there you can remove the bolt once the pin has popped out.

Step nine:
Remove the tie rod end... I think you will be surprised how loose this actually is. You should be able to grab the bar, and then grab the tie rod end and unscrew it off. If you can't do that, then you should use a set of spanners to remove it. You will notice that on the steering arm there is a grooved bit towards the end where you can fit a spanner. Use that to hold the control arm still while you remove the tie rod end.

Step ten:
Remove Bolt... Now it's time to simply unscrew the bolt that was behind the tie rod. Because I am a genius you will notice allot of the thread is white from the spray paint. This is where you return the bolt too (Plus one thread) when we reassemble.

Step eleven:
Remove Boots.. Right now very easy procedure. Take your razor blade and hop under your car, hopefully you have been salubrious and used car stands, if you haven't... Mate you're a dick head. At each end of the boot there is a piece of plastic holding it in place, just cut those off and the boot will slide off nice and easy. Kind of like a condom sliding off after the load is implanted. Or a small condom sliding off an Asians ####.

Step twelve:
Wipe down steering rack if dirt in grease... If your boots were ripped, it's a good chance that there is dirt in the grease.. This is bad as it creates unwanted friction. now you can simply grab the control arm and pull it towards you and the inside part of the steering rack will come out. From here you can use a CLEAN cloth to wipe off the spoiled grease. Kind of like wiping up after you have... You know.. Been alone for a little bit too long, or you're like me and you just broke up with your fiancé of two years and moved ages away and despite planning it, she changes her mind and you can't come back every once in a while for a 'good times' root. Shame about her... She was like me, a turophile.. And I'm not just saying that to use the word.. I'm Swiss, and as a Swiss person I love cheese. Camembert, Brae, Grueh, blue cheese, Rockfordt... Yum...

step thirteen:
Regrease if necessary... Be nice and Liberal here, you don't want to be Labour because you will end up having to pay tax on your grease, and that's a bad thing. Don't do this with dirty hands, as you don't want to spoil your grease.

Step fourteen:
Put on new boot... Right, simply slide the steering arm back into the middle, and slide the boot on. Wrap the zip ties around when it's in place and tighten them as tight as they go. Very big on for the back, and smaller one for the front. Make sure it's nice and secure. The boot goes back as far as it can, and the front sits in the little slot in the metal, you can't miss it. Joke about slots? Nah.

Step fifteen:
Put on bolt... Tighten the bolt up to the spray painted area, and one thread more, this is to allow room to tighten against your Tie Rod ends. It might be a good time to make sure the thread where the Tie rod end is going to sit is clear of Crap.

Step Sixteen:
Screw on Tie Rod Ends... Either your new ones or old ones if you didn't replace 'em. Screw 'em up so they sit one thread behind the bolt. Make sure your accurate as you can be with this because you need to be able to get your car to the Mechanic tomorrow so he can do a wheel alignment remember?

Step seventeen:
Reconnect the Tie Rods to the Wheels Assembly... Nice and easy, slide the pin back through the hole and tighten the bolt up. People are going to ask how tight, and the answer is simple. Do them up until the plastic washer at the base of the tie rod end is flush with the metal (You will see it when you have the tie rod end.. And will go "Ahhhh, that's what he was talking about"). Then slide the new or old pin back through the hole and bend it up with your pliers or hammer so it sits nice and snug.

Step eighteen:
Tighten bolt before tie rod end... Tighten up the bolt against the Tie Rod end so it's nice and tight. Doesn't have to be too tight, but it should be a decent tightness, about as tight as when you found it.

Step nineteen:
Put wheels back on... Put your wheels back on... No explaining this, just do it. Get your bolts as tight as you can with your hand, remove the car stands and lower your car to the ground where you can then tighten your lug nuts in a star pattern. Want to know how tight? As tight as you can with the correct size spanner. Don't use a rattle gun, your an idiot.

Step twenty:
Get a wheel alignment... You have just screwed around with tie rod ends, which work on thread, meaning they probably aren't back the way they first were, so make sure you get a wheel alignment asap. This will make sure your car is all Bootylicious.

Step Twenty one:
Sit down, have a beer... Congratulations, you should be proud of yourself. Not only did you save fun, but you saved about 2 hours in labour for a mechanic to do the work for you. We all know they can be whoremongers at times. So have a few beers, have a few more, and then when you are plastered off your face, see what onomatopoeias you can come up with. Trust me... It will be fun.

If you have any words of praise, please feel free to post them below.
If you have any questions, please keep them too yourself (But seriously post them below).
Please post results, problems that arose, pictures, correct spanner sizes, so I can keep it up to date for other members.

I do apologise for how long this took me to write up, but things haven't been fantastic. On the flip side there is this hot girl at supercheap who I want to ask out, and I had the PERFECT opportunity to do it today and I didn't do it which is a bit lame... So pretty disappointed but I need to get some stuff soon again anyway so hopefully she is there and I can flirt a bit more and then just be like "GET ON MY #### WOMAN"... But not, actually ask her out on a date.

Coming soon:
How to remove whole Steering arm Assembly
How to change Idler pulleys

Words to use:

1. Phalanges - Bones that form the fingers and toes || Posted by ephect
2. smeg•ma - a thick, cheeselike, sebaceous secretion that collects beneath the foreskin or around the clitoris. || Posted by swordsy
3. adumbrated - a partial disclosure, a sketchy outline, to provide only the main facts and not the details about something, particularly something that will happen in the future. || Posted by Sashyr
4. polemical - a controversial argument or person || Posted by Sashyr
5. serendipity - A talent for making fortunate discoveries while searching for other things || Posted by Sashyr who is greedy... No I'm not using German Words >.>
6. Bootylicious - slang sexually attractive, esp with curvaceous buttocks || Posted by Stan003
7. Whoremonger - A person who has dealings with prostitutes, esp. a sexually promiscuous man. || Posted by Hangman (Who didn't supply a definition so I pulled one from google)
8. Salubrious - conducive to ones wellbeing || Posted by Bruggs351
9 Pelican - a large bird with a gigantic beak good for eating fish and platypus. || Posted by verynice
10. Turophile - a connoisseur or lover of cheese. || Posted by rx2_freak
11. onomatopoeia - the formation of words whose sound is imitative of the sound of the noise or action designated, such as hiss, buzz, and bang || Posted by Dangerous Dave (Not to be mistaken with Brother Angry Dave who sang kick out the jams with Jeff Buckley)
12. cloaca - a sewer, especially an ancient sewer. || Posted by Crew Cheif
 

ephect

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:thumbsup: very very clever!

nice work! spray paint is a good idea too, in the past i've used whiteout instead of texta
 
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Jarrad

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Nice write up, I got the toilet humour!
 
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Chears Jarrad. I was personaly rathe disapointed that I didn't fit more in. But I think there comes a time where information is better then toilet humor... Wait.. What am I saying!
 

RazzleDazzle

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Yep, that's all straight forward but what kind of grease do we use to relube the inside of the boot parts?
 

RazzleDazzle

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01.03.16 - OK then, I'll go see Repco tomorrow and see what they can recommend.
 

ChocolateCharlie

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Thanks Muffin Man, still using this eight years later.
 
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Thanks Muffin Man, still using this eight years later.
Mate all Good. Can't believe I was such an imature little brat back then. Maybe sometime I'll go clean up the dross in the how too :D glad I was able to help!!!
 
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