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Joke of the Day

Discussion in 'Jokes/Humour' started by Mavericks Choice, Sep 16, 2017.

  1. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    Just seen a claim that there are more than 60,000 illegal immigrants in Australia.
    Aboriginal estimates, however, put the figure at nearly 24 million of the bastards.
     
  2. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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  3. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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  4. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    Those new anti-snoring pillows at Aldi are amazing. I held one over the wife's face for 5 minutes and not heard a peep from her since. ...Best nights sleep I've had in years.
     
  5. commodore665

    commodore665 expat Saffa

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    I take my wife everywhere , but she always finds her way back
     
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  6. yamahahatim

    yamahahatim Member

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  7. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    They say women are better multi taskers than men. This isn't necessarily true. My Grandad sneezed, spat his teeth out, farted and pee'd himself, all at the same time last night, whilst eating his dinner.
     
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  8. Skydrol

    Skydrol Well-Known Member

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    We are walking downtown and this crazy homeless lady asked me if I was racist. I told her no. I hate everyone with equal passion.
     
  9. Bradley Norton

    Bradley Norton New Member

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  10. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    My boss accused me of installing a hidden camera in the women's toilet.
    "How you know it was me, it could be anyone!" I told him.
    "I saw you on my camera!" he replied!
     
  11. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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  12. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    "A recent study shows that woman with massive breasts are more intelligent than woman with small breasts.
    Mind you, to be fair, the man conducting the study admits that he was not really listening."
     
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  13. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    'Poor families burying relatives in their BACK GARDEN because they cannot afford a funeral, MP claims' -
    That's what I told the jury ten years ago after my wife committed suicide by stabbing herself in the back seven times.
     
  14. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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  15. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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  16. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    My wife has just said to me "How about you dress up in that black mask again, pretending you broke into the house and shag me, you know, like you did a few weeks ago?"I have no idea what she's ******* talking about.!!
     
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  17. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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  18. nikitaxx

    nikitaxx New Member

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    A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her Husband’s temper.

    The doctors asks: “What seems to be the problem?

    She replies: “Doctor I don’t know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me.

    The doctor replies: “I have a cure for that. When it seems your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and swish it around in your mouth. Just swash and swish, don’t swallow it until you husband has calmed down.

    2 weeks later the woman comes back looking fresh and reborn.

    The woman says: “Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband gets angry, I just take the glass of water and start swishing and he calms right down! How does a glass of water do that?”

    The Doctor replies: “The water itself does nothing. It’s keeping your mouth shut that does the trick.”
     
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  19. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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  20. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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