Joke of the Day

[Mavericks Choice]

 

[commodore665]

 

[Mavericks Choice]

The banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty-year old rancher, in town.

Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumour had it that he was marrying a 'mail order' bride.

Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumour was true.

Tom assured him that it was. The banker then asked Tom the age of his new bride to be.

Tom proudly said, 'She'll be twenty-one in November.'

Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty-year- old man.

Wanting his old friend's remaining years to be happy the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take its own course.

Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon.

About four months later, the banker ran into Tom in town again.

'How's the new wife?', asked the banker.

Tom proudly said, 'Good - she's pregnant.'

The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, 'And how's the hired hand?'

Without hesitating, Tom said, 'She's pregnant too.'

 

[Mavericks Choice]

WARMING!!!
If youse gets a link called 'free porn' dont opin it?!!#*
It is a birus wich deactivate you spellcheck and garblis up you riting. I also receibed it but lukily I dont does porn so I dint opin it.
Warn al1 you vriends!!

 

[Mavericks Choice]

 

[r3b3lw0lf]

At the end of the tax year the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of the synagogue.
While he was checking the books, he turned to the rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with all the candle drippings?"

"Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers and every now and then they send us a free box of candles."
"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer.

But, on he went in his obnoxious way."What about all those matzo purchases? What do you do with all the crumbs?"
"Ah, yes," replied the rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with unanswerable questions.

"We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers and every so often they send us a free box of matzo balls."

"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi.

"Well Rabbi," he went on," what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"

"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick."

 

[Mavericks Choice]

A Frenchman, an Englishman and an Aussie were lost in the jungle. They came across a clear pool of water and jumped in to cool off. They were suddenly surrounded by natives who dragged them from the pool. The native chief said “You have defiled our sacred pool and we shall kill you and use your skin to make canoes. We will grant you one final wish”
The Frenchman asked for a knife and shouting “I shall not be killed by savages , vive la France” he plunged the knife in to his chest.
The Englishman asked for a knife and shouting “I shall not be killed by savages , Rule Britannia” he plunged the knife in to his chest.
The Aussi asked for a fork ,used it to stab himself all over his body and yelled “That’s buggered your canoe you *******s.”

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."

"We're short-handed, Smith" the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."

"Thanks, boss," says Smith "I knew I could count on you!"

 

[Mavericks Choice]

At one Catholic Church in Nebraska, they have monthly marriage seminars for husbands. At the last session, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years. Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands. "Well, I've tried to treat her nice, spend d money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for our 5th anniversary!" The priest responded. "Giuseppe, you are an inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?" Giuseppe proudly replied. "I gonna go pick her up "

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Two guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in
court before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and
I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to
go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them
to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday.

Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one,
"How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this:

0 0
and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this
(small circle) is your brain after drugs."

"That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd
boy)

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."

"156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!"

"Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the
small circle and told them, "this is your a**hole before prison......"