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Joke of the Day

Mavericks Choice

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Giving the wife a lift, we were stopped by a police officer.
He said " Excuse me but could I see your licence".
The wife shouted to the officer.
"Now look here you, I'm in hurry, so don't you start annoying my husband when he's had a drink".
 

Mavericks Choice

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Nasa plans to put a woman on the moon by 2024. It would have been 2022 but they need two more years to develop an automatic gearbox for the lunar rover.
 

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My wife said, "For 10K, would you sleep with my best friend?" I said, "Of course. But where am I going to get 10K?"
 

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A woman's anger is like a ''Check Engine Light'' There is no way to figure why it came on. Just ignore it & hope it goes away!
 

Tatiana

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Equinox LTZ - runs on cocaine
With a second lock down looming, I see people are starting to pile their shopping trolleys up again, I've just got back from Aldi and saw a bloke buying 4 crates of San Miguel, 5 paellas and 3 sombreros.
I thought to myself, hang on a minute...
Hispanic buying!
 

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'I'm a really good drunk,' my wife told me, 'I don't get into fights, I'm not hurtful.' I said, 'No, you save that for when you're sober.'
 

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A guy is caught by a ranger eating a bald eagle and is consequently put in jail for the crime. On the day of his trial, the conversation went something like this:
Judge: "Do you know that eating a bald eagle is a federal offense?"
Man: "Yes I did. But if you let me argue my case, I'll explain what happened."
Judge: "Proceed."
Man: "I got lost in the woods. I hadn't had anything to eat for two weeks. I was so hungry. Next thing I see is a Bald Eagle swooping down at the lake for some fish. I knew that if I followed the Eagle I could maybe steal the fish. Unfortunately, in the process of taking the fish I killed the Eagle. I figured that since I killed the Eagle I might as well eat it since it would be more disgraceful to let it rot on the ground."
Judge: "The court will take a recess while we analyze your testimony."
15 minutes goes by and the judge returns.
Judge: "Due to the extreme circumstance you were under and because you didn't intend to kill the Eagle, the court will dismiss the charges. But if you don't mind the court asking, what does a Bald Eagle taste like?"
Man: "Well your honor, it is hard to explain. The best I can describe it is maybe a combination between a California Condor and a Spotted Owl."
 
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