Joke of the Day

[Mavericks Choice]

A priest has a heart attack, and is rushed to the hospital.
He wakes up as he's being rushed through the hospital on a gurney by two nurses.
"Am I in heaven?" asks the disoriented priest.
"No" says one of the nurses. "We're just taking a short cut through the children's ward."

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Johnny's teacher is giving a lesson on Nutrition, and she decides to ask her students what they had for Breakfast.
To add a Spelling Component, she asks the students to also spell their answers.
Susan puts up her hand and says she had an Egg, 'E-G-G'
'Very good', says the teacher.
Peter says he had Toast, 'T-O-A-S-T?
'Excellent.'
Johnny has his hand up and the teacher reluctantly calls on him: 'I had Bugger All', he says, ' B-U-G-G-E-R-A-L-L'.
The teacher is mortified and scolds Johnny for his rude answer.
Later when the lesson turns to Geography, she asks the students some rudimentary questions.
Susan correctly identifies the Capital of Canada. Peter is able to tell her which ocean is off Canada's East Coast.
When it's Johnny's turn, the teacher remembers his rude answer from the Nutrition Lesson, and decides to give him a very difficult question:
Johnny, she asks the question 'Where is the Pakistani border?'
Johnny replied"The Pakistani boarder is in bed with my mother.
That's why I got Bugger All for Breakfast."

 

[Mavericks Choice]

The worst part of seeing a spider in the shower . . .
was the way it covered it's eyes when it saw me “

 

[Mavericks Choice]

I was talking to a fat bird. She said "A lot of guys find plus-size women attractive, what about you? I said "As a matter of fact yes, lots of guys find me attractive too."

 

[Mavericks Choice]

A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him."
"Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding."
"No, mother," the young woman laments. "I bought a frozen turkey loaf and he yelled at me about the price."
"Well, that is being miserly," the mother agreed, "Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars."
"No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey roll, it was the airplane ticket."
"Airplane ticket.... What did you need an airplane ticket for?"
"Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the back and it said, 'PREPARE FROM A FROZEN STATE,' so I flew to Alaska

 

[Mavericks Choice]

What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynocologist ? One looks up the family tree and the other looks up the family bush.

 

[Mavericks Choice]

How a man withdraws cash from the ATM:
1) Park the car
2) Go to ATM
3) Insert card
4) Enter PIN
5) Take money
6) Drive away
------------------
How a woman withdraws cash from the ATM:
1) Park the car
2) Check makeup
3) Turn off engine
4) Check makeup
5) Go to ATM
6) Hunt for ATM card in the purse
7) Insert card
Hit cancel
9) Hunt in purse for **** with PIN written on it
10) Insert card
11) Enter PIN
12) Take cash
13) Go to car
14) Check makeup
15) Start car
16) Stop car
17) Run back to ATM
18) Take ATM card
19) Back 2 car
20) Check makeup
21) Start car
22) Check makeup
23) Drive for a mile
24)Release HAND BRAKE

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Electronics manufacturer Dyson has launched a new range of devices called ‘The Scott Morrison’, which it says is the most complete leadership vacuum the company has ever developed.
“We’ve always held a leadership position, and we’ve always created vacuums. So it made sense to rename our entire new range after the Australian Prime Minister,” a spokesperson for the company said.

She said the similarities with Mr Morrison were uncanny. “It makes a lot of noise, it’s obsessed with cleaning up anything unsightly and it doesn’t add anything at all”.
The company says the Scott Morrison doesn’t do anything at all except suck. “Although you can set it to its reverse mode and use it to blow huge amounts of hot air into any situation. And when it gets into trouble it automatically organises a photo opportunity in an aeroplane”.
The ‘Scott Morrison’ comes with a manual that isn’t designed to be read.

 

[Mavericks Choice]

I went into this pet shop & asked the man behind the counter
"I'm looking for a dog for my wife"?
"Sorry" he said "We don't do swaps"

 

[Mavericks Choice]

A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course.
As he goes to get it a man in the yard says, "Don't you see the sign?
It says, 'Private property - Stay Out!'"
The golfer says, "I'm sorry I did not see it. That's my ball over there.
May I have it, please?"
The man says, "It's in my yard and so it's my ball now."
The golfer looks at the man and says, "I think I understand"
He then walks back to the golf cart, gets another golf ball, then walks back and throws it into the yard as well.
The man says, "What did you do that for?"
The golfer replies...
"I consider myself a Gentleman, and I believe every prick should have two balls."