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Joke of the Day

Mavericks Choice

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Some guy in the pub said, "I went to see my doctor today. He diagonised me with a disease which will ruin my sexlife forever."
"What?" I asked. " gonorrhoea? chlamydia? Aids?"
"No," he replied. "I've got arthritis in both hands."
 

Mavericks Choice

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BBQ RULES:
Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity . When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.
Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat
Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes
And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ' her night off ', and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women!!.
 

Mavericks Choice

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Jamaica enters the Vaccine race with their
RASTA ZENICA
It's not as affective as the others, but after the second dose you don't care a **** anymore!!
 

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A guy goes into a lawyer’s office and asks the lawyer: “Excuse me, how much do you charge?” The lawyer responds: “I charge $600 to answer three questions.” “Bloody hell – That’s a bit expensive isn’t it?” “Yes. What’s your third question?”

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William Shakespeare went to get vaccinated.
Nurse: Which arm?
Shakespeare: "As you like it."
Nurse: Was that painful?
Shakespeare: "Much ado about nothing."
Nurse: You will have to have a second jab.
Shakespeare: "Measure for measure?"
Nurse: So, how was the experience?
Shakespeare: "A midsummer night's dream!"
Nurse: So what do you think of the govt handling of Covid?
Shakespeare: "Comedy of Errors."
 

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An alcoholic wakes up in jail. He asks the first police officer he sees "why am I here?" The officer replies "for drinking" The man replies "great, when do we start?"
 

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I was writing my Autobiography into the wee small hours and fell asleep face down on the page. When I woke up the ink had fused the pages onto my skin and I couldn't get them off.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
 

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I have liver disease caused by years of heavy drinking. My wife said I should go to BUPA, but I did the complete opposite....
I went to APUB !
 

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Arsenal have decided not to participate in the European Super League. They are starting their own breakaway league with just themselves. The bookies currently have them as second favourites to win it!!.
 

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I went to one of those positive thinking classes last night. . .
It was crap
 
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