Joke of the Day

[Mavericks Choice]

Paddy left very rural Ireland and went to work in London, leaving behind his aged parents, with strict instructions to write home as soon as he was settled in his digs.
Weeks passed and then one day a package arrived with a letter. It said
“Dear Mam and dad, I arrived safely and quickly settled into my new digs. The landlady is very nice and I felt at home at once because she even had a photo of me in my room which I’m sending ye to see how well I’m doing”.
His mother opened up the package and out fell a small hand mirror. His father picked it up and looked into it and said,
“I’m worried, sure he’s aged an awful lot since he went to England “.
The mother stood behind her husband and looked into the mirror and said,
“You’re worried, no wonder he’s aged so much, look at the old biddy he’s feckin shacked up with!”.

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Confucius say ...
Man who run in Front of car get tired.
Man who run behind Car get exhausted.
Man with one Chopstick go hungry.
Man who eat many Prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong ... Man with four balls cannot walk.
War does not determine who is right,War determine who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse Soon find him in cathouse.
Man who fight with Wife all day get no piece at night.
Man who drive like hell Bound to get there.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
Crowded elevator Smell different to midget.

 

[Mavericks Choice]

I just got a wooden motorcycle. It has a wooden frame, wooden handle bars, wooden wheels, and a wooden seat. And guess what?
It wooden start.

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Why is there disabled parking spots outside ice-skating rinks?

 

[Skydrol]

What about disable spots at a drive in dinner?

 

[Mavericks Choice]

According to a
solicitors letter in
my neighbour's wheelie bin,
"I'm a stalker."

 

[rambunctious]

I was invited to a gathering of the who's who in business on the weekend and got talking to a well to do couple who confided in me they were in iron and steel.
Apparently she does ironing and he does stealing.

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Went to a Chinese restaurant and got a fortune cookie that said:
"Be not afraid to walk through the door of opportunity"
'So I left without paying!!..

 

[Mavericks Choice]

George W. Bush, Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso have all died.
Due to a glitch in the mundane/celestial time-space continuum, all three arrive at the Pearly Gates more or less simultaneously, even though their deaths have taken place decades apart.
The first to present himself to Saint Peter is Einstein. Saint Peter questions him. "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths certain people will go to, to sneak into Heaven under false pretenses. Can you prove who you really are?"
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?" Saint Peter complies with a snap of his fingers.
The blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his special theory of relativity.
Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really *are* Einstein! Welcome to heaven!"
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again Saint Peter asks for his credentials. Picasso doesn't hesitate. "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?" Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."
Picasso erases Einstein's scribbles and proceeds to sketch out a truly stunning mural. Bulls, satyrs, nude women: he captures their essences with but a few strokes of the chalk.
Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be! Come on in!"
The last to arrive is George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head. "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?"
George W. looks bewildered, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"
Saint Peter sighs, "Come on in, George."

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Journalist: How does it feel Mr Edison to have failed so many times?


Edison: I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.