Joke of the Day

[VS 5.0]

Dave and Johnno are old school mates who haven't see each other for nearly three decades.

Johnno comes to town and organises a catch up with Dave so they meet at the local lookout for a few quiet beers.

Dave says to Johnno......"see all those houses down there ? I built all of them."

"Wow !" exclaims Johnno.

"But do they call me Dave the house builder ?" asks Dave. "No !"

Then Dave points to the harbour....."see all those boats in the harbour ? I built all of those boats."

"Incredible !" replies Johnno.

"But do they call me Dave the boat builder ?" asks Dave. "No !"

"I fck one goat !"

 

[ephect]

The new Marine Captain was assigned to a recon company in a remote post in the desert. During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent.

He asks the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there.”Well, sir,” is the nervous reply, “as you know, there are 250 men here and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have … m-m-m…. urges. That’s why we have the camel, sir.

The Captain says, “I can’t say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay.” About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his own urges.

Crazy with passion, he asks the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has wild, insane sex with the camel.

When he is done, he asks the First Sergeant, “Is that how the men do it?” “Uh, no sir,” the First Sergeant replies. “They usually just ride the camel into town where the girls are.

 

[gmholdman]

Dave and Johnno are old school mates who haven't see each other for nearly three decades.

Johnno comes to town and organises a catch up with Dave so they meet at the local lookout for a few quiet beers.

Dave says to Johnno......"see all those houses down there ? I built all of them."

"Wow !" exclaims Johnno.

"But do they call me Dave the house builder ?" asks Dave. "No !"

Then Dave points to the harbour....."see all those boats in the harbour ? I built all of those boats."

"Incredible !" replies Johnno.

"But do they call me Dave the boat builder ?" asks Dave. "No !"

"I fck one goat !"

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Found a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge on a plate with a note that said "don't eat me"
Now there's an empty plate in the fridge with a note on it that says
"don't tell me what to do"

 

[Mavericks Choice]

My wife finally passed her driving test at the 11th attempt,
I had said I would get her something cheap to run around in if she did, so i bought her a pair of trainers from Aldi

 

[UTE042_NZ]

An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

 

[Mavericks Choice]

There's a gang going through town systematically shoplifting clothes in size order. The police believe they're still at large...

 

[Skydrol]

 

[Skydrol]

 

[Mavericks Choice]

I didn’t want to buy a hammock, but the salesman was very persuasive,
I’m easily swayed!!..