Joke of the Day

[Mavericks Choice]

A woman goes to the gynecologist for an exam. She puts her feet into the stirrups and the doctor begins his exam.
After a moment, he says, "You have an unusually deep vagina."
The woman replies, "You don't have to say it twice."
The doctor says, "I didn't."

 

[Mavericks Choice]

If Men are only capable of concentrating on one thing at a time, how come Women have two boobs?

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Mother-in-law in the back of the car spent the whole journey whinging and giving extraneous advice on driving. Eventually we arrived and I reversed parked into a vacant slot at the road side. Mother-in-law “Why do men always back into parking spaces ?” Okay everyone, join in “Because we can”.

 

[Mavericks Choice]

True facts
1. In the 1400s a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb.
Hence we have 'the rule of thumb.'
2. Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...
Ladies Forbidden'... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
3. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David,
Hearts - Charlemagne,
Clubs -Alexander the Great,
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
4. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... 'goodnight, sleep tight.'
5. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink.
Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
6. Since 1966,England fans have said they are going to win the cup at the start of every football competition, hence the phrase ‘deluded twat’.

 

[losh1971]

Paddy and Mick were both laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation,
Paddy answered, ‘Knicker Stitcher.. I sew da elastic onto ladies’ knickers and thongs..’
The clerk looked up Knicker Stitcher on his computer and, finding it classified as unskilled labour, he gave him £80 a week unemployment pay.
Mick was next in and when asked his occupation replied, ‘Diesel Fitter.’
Since a diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick £160 a week.
When Paddy found out he was furious.. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.
The clerk explained, ‘Knicker Stitchers are unskilled labour and Diesel Fitters are skilled labour.’
‘What skill?’ yelled Paddy. ‘I sew da elastic on da knickers and thongs, then Mick puts ’em over his head and says: ‘Yep, diesel fitter.’

 

[1985VK]

Wait till the Delta Goodrem variant comes out ... people will want to catch it baadd ....

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Husband comes home from from a hard day at work.
Wife: hello honey I did the shopping today
Husband: did you buy me a carton of beer like I asked?
Wife: sorry I forgot
Husband: you are always forgetting things
Wife: that’s not true what about 14 years 7months 3weeks and 6 days ago when you forgot to take the rubbish out.

 

[Mavericks Choice]

A little old lady wanted to join a biker club. She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answered the door.
She proclaim “I want to join your biker club!”
The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker requirements before she would be allowed to join.
So the biker asks her “You have a bike?”
The little old lady says “Yea, that’s my Harley over there” and points to a Harley parked in the driveway.
The biker asks her “Do you smoke?”
The little old lady says “Yea, I smoke. I smoke four packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I’m shooting pool.”
The biker was impressed and asks “Well, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz?”
The little old lady says “No, I’ve never been picked up by the fuzz, but I’ve been swung around by my nipples a few times.”

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Apparently john McAfee died from some sort of virus.

 

[Skydrol]

Apparently john McAfee died from some sort of virus.

Found by Norton?