Joke of the Day

[Dayvo]

Anyone interested in a free ride in a Helicopter, it’s a flight for 4 people.
I’m still looking for 2 more to join us.
We leave early next Saturday morning (Aug 7th) from Newcastle and will fly to Poole where we will have a late breakfast and then onto a yacht for lunch.
Then we’ll do a flight to Jersey and return to Poole for dinner, then fly back home.
If interested please message me
Preferably someone with a Helicopter and Yacht; otherwise we can’t go.

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Paddy calls emergency services and says,"Please come quick,I'm trapped in my apartment building at 11 Point Pleasant."
"What floor are you on sir?" asks the operator.
"Ceramic tiles I think." says Paddy!

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Two babies were sitting in their cribs, when one baby shouted to the other, "Are you a little girl or a little boy?"
"I don't know," replied the other baby giggling.
"What do you mean, you don't know?" said the first baby.
"I mean I don't know how to tell the difference," was the reply.
"Well, I do," said the first baby chuckling, "I'll climb into your crib and find out."
He carefully got himself into the other baby's crib, then quickly disappeared in to the blankets.
After a couple of minutes, he resurfaced with a big smile on his face.
"You're a little girl, and I'm a little boy," he said proudly.
"You're ever so clever," said the baby girl, "but how can you tell?"
"It's quite easy really," replied the baby boy
"you've got pink socks and I've got blue ones."

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Two little boys stole a load of apples from a neighbours apple tree.
They decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally.
One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.
As they were jumping over the gate to enter the cemetery, they dropped two apples, but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough.
A few minutes later, a drunk, on his way from a bar, passed near the cemetery gate & heard a voice saying: "One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you."
He immediately sobered up & ran as fast as he could to a church nearby, for the priest.
"Father, please come with me. Come & witness God & Satan sharing corpses at the cemetery.”
They both ran back to the cemetery gate & the voice continued: "One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you."
Suddenly, the voice stopped counting & said: "What about the two at the gate?"
You've never seen 2 people running so fast!!.

 

[Skydrol]

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Just been to my local hospital and I saw a sign saying ''Thieves Operate Here''...
Surely it would be safer to leave it to the Surgeons?

 

[Mavericks Choice]

A waiter approached our table and asked us if we enjoyed our meal.
"It was absolutely delicious, I ate every last bit!" said my wife.
"And Sir?" said the waiter. "How did you find the pork belly?"
"Oh, about six years ago, we met on holiday."

 

[Dayvo]

I

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Two boys arguing.
"My dad's better than your dad" says one.
"No, my dad's better. He won the darts championship last week" says the other.
"Ok" says the first, "but my mam's better than yours"
"Yeah" says the other. "My dad says the same"

 

[keith reed]

Dog texting codes

BOL. Bark out loud.
OMDT. Over my dead toy.
HAW. Humans are watching.
OMD. Oh my dog.
TTTP. Talk to the paw.
ROFB. Rolling on floor barking.
SMB. Smell my butt