Joke of the Day

[Mavericks Choice]

Ffs even the church is charging for parking now its pray and display

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Need some advice..
I’ve been playing Gary Glitter rock and roll Christmas out loud, my neighbour said he was disgusted in me so I was wondering is it really too early for Christmas songs?..

and is it still ok to play cliff?

 

[Skydrol]

 

[hademall]

“Have you got anything to say for yourself “ said the judge sternly after hearing the case.
“Feck all,” muttered the defendant.
“What did he say?” asked the judge leaning forward to his clerk.
The clerk whispered quietly to the judge: “He said “feck all your worship.”
“That’s funny,” said the judge, “I’m sure I saw his lips move.”

 

[Rocketeer]

A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University, at Marquette, in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
They would get together, two or three times a week, for coffee and to talk shop.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard.
A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.
One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment...

They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religion.

Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.

Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first:
'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear.
And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism.
Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and it began to slap me around.
So, I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy-Mary-Mother-of-God, he became as gentle as a lamb.
The Bishop is coming out next week to give him First Communion and Confirmation.'

Reverend Billy Bob, the Baptist, spoke next:
He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip.
In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed,
'WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we Baptists don't sprinkle!
I went out and I FOUND me a bear.
And, then, I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD!
But, that bear wanted nothing to do with me.
So, I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle.
We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek.
So, I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul.
And, just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb.

We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus.
Hallelujah!

The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed.
He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him.
He was in really bad shape.

The Rabbi looked up and said:
"Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."

 

[Rocketeer]

Australian banks are offering the gift of a free pencil-sharpener in gratitude for the 36 billion dollar profit they got out of customers last year.

It is designed to reflect the friendly and even intimate relationship that the banks have built up with the Australian public.

 

[Rocketeer]

Explaining Cricket to a Foreigner

You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out.

When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out.

When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in.

There are two men called umpires who stay out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out.

When both sides have been in and all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game.

 

[Skydrol]

When I was stationed in Korea we had ESPN international and AFN (armed forces network). Was either Military Propaganda or 24hr coverage of the Wills Cup. Reminded me of the movie National Lampoon's European Vacation, when they were in England, flipping through the telly channels, and all channels showing some sort of a program on how to make cheese.

 

[Mavericks Choice]

My wife is really beginning to annoy me.
I took her out for a meal yesterday and she ordered the most expensive thing on the menu.....
Double whopper with cheese!!..

 

[Rocketeer]