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Joke of the Day

Mavericks Choice

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A motor cycle policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however, the policeman kept feeling something painfully pulling at his pubic hairs .
Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his pubic hair and his entire private parts were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily --- if at all. Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence, "Get well soon, from the nurse in the Ford sedan you booked for speeding last week for only doing 3 kph over the limit."
Kind of brings tears to your eyes doesn't it?
 

Rocketeer

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A good one for the 'Old Boys'
Sad, But As I Get Older, I Think
Differently

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After a long day on the golf course, I
stopped
in at Hooter's to see some friends and
have
some hot Wings and ice
tea.

After being there for a while, one of my
friends
asked me which waitress I would like to be
stuck
in an elevator
with.


I told them "The one who knows how to
fix elevators".


I'm old, I'm tired, and I wee a
lot.
.
 

Mavericks Choice

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I just called My wife and told her I’ve accidentally chopped my finger off!
“The whole finger?” She asked.
“No thank god, the one next to it!”
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Mavericks Choice

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A biker went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. She turned to the biker and asked, "Are you a real biker?" He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life on Harleys. My momma was pregnant with me when she rode on the back of my Daddy's Harley, then as a little boy I rode on the back with my Daddy until I finally got my own Harley. I've been riding a Harley ever since. So yes, I guess I am a real biker."
She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women; when I shower, watch TV, eat, whatever, everything seems to make me think of women." Then she got up and left.
The biker was thinking about what just happened when a man sat down next to the biker and asked, "Are you a real biker?"
He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."
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Mavericks Choice

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VF2 SSV M6, VF2 LS3 Calais V, VZ 6L M6 Crewie
Paddy wanted to start a chicken farm, so he went to the dealer and brought 100 chickens.
A month later he went back to the dealer because the first lot of chickens had died and brought 100 more.
Again another month later he went back because the 2nd lot had died also, upon purchasing the 3rd lot, Paddy said
"You know I think I know where I'm going wrong" .....
'I think I'm planting them too deep'.
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hademall

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Bruce, Jock and Paddy were given a job putting telegraph poles in. At the end of the day the boss said to Paddy “I’m sorry Paddy but I’m going to have let you go.”
Paddy was upset and demanded to know why. The boss told him that he was too slow, to which Paddy said “what do ya mean?” and the boss explained, “Well now, in one day Jock managed to put in 19 telegraph poles, and Bruce managed to put in 23 telegraph poles, but you only managed to put in 3 telegraph poles! And that’s why I have to let you go”
“But dat’s not fair!” exclaimed Paddy, “have ya seen how much dey’ve left ders stickin outa de ground!”
 

Mavericks Choice

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The neighbour’s over the road have a christmas light that is doing my head in!!
It’s this little yellow box with a flashing blue light which lets out a continuous AND LOUD beeping noise!!!
I went round to complain, but they’re not in...and they’ve left the fecking door wide open!!..
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Mavericks Choice

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VF2 SSV M6, VF2 LS3 Calais V, VZ 6L M6 Crewie
My mate Cameron just told his wife that he had sex with another woman..
She said, “Can you please repeat that for me..”
He said, “Sure, I’m seeing her again tomorrow night...!"
 
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