Joke of the Day

[Mavericks Choice]

My mother in law came round my house and looked at the wall.

"Urgh! What is that disgusting thing? modern art?" she cried.

"No dear, it's a mirror."

 

[Mavericks Choice]

What do you call a Muslim who works for House of Fraser?

Bin Laidoff

 

[Skydrol]

Should be...

Peniless Bin Laidoff Al Shithole

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Jack and Joe were in London. It was Joe's first visit and Jack had a bit of business to do so he said he would meet Joe in the hotel bar. The barman being a clever sod asked Joe what he would like to drink. Joe said he would have a Gin. The barman said they had three types of Gin. Oxygin, Hydrogin or Sanatogin.Joe was shocked.
When Jack returned Joe told him what the barman had said. Jack went to the bar and the barman asked what he would like to drink. Joe replied " I will have a turd" The barman said he had never heard of that drink. Jack said "There are three types of turd, Custurd, Musturd and you you big ****"

 

[Skydrol]

 

[Mavericks Choice]

I just saw a fella in my garden who was wearing a baseball cap, rugby shirt, golfing trousers and tennis shoes, so I shouted "hey what's your fuking game"

 

[VS_Pete]

 

[VS_Pete]

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Michael J Fox goes to the ice cream parlour.
"Can i have an ice cream please?" He says.
"No problem" says the lady "what flavour would you like?"
"I don't care." Says Michael.
"Erm ok, do you want sauce with it?"
"I don't care!" Says Michael.
"What about hundreds n thousands?"
"I don't care!!" Says Michael.
"What about Nuts? Chocolate sprinkles? Perhaps a flake?" Asks the kind lady.
"I DON'T CARE!!!!" shouts Michael.
"..... you don't really care about anything do you." Says the ice cream lady.
Michael says "Well I'm only gonna drop the fuking thing"

 

[Skydrol]

https://www.theonion.com/ice-agents-hurl-pregnant-immigrant-over-mexican-border-1822307567