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Joke of the Day

vc commodore

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A bloke walks into a bar in New Zealand and orders a shandy. All the Kiwis sitting around the bar look up, expecting to see another Australian visitor.

The barman says, 'You ain't from around here, are ya?
The guy says, 'No, I'm from Canada.'

The bartender says, 'What do you do in Canada?'

The guy says, 'I'm a taxidermist.'

The bartender says, 'A tixidermist? What the hick is a tixidermist? Do you drive a tixi?'

'No, a taxidermist doesn't drive a taxi. I mount animals.'

The bartender grins and yells,

' He's okay boys. He's one of us.
 

vc commodore

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due to the economic down turn, wife sayz to the hubby

''if ur were to start taking the pushbike to work we could get rid of the second car''

hubbies reply

''if ewe started taking it up the arse we could get rid of the nanny''
 

vc commodore

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The miracle of toilet paper


Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds.' Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. 'How long will this take?' I asked.

They will grow larger over a period of years,' my husband replies. I stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?' Without missing a beat he says, 'Worked for your ass, didn't it?'

He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again, although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.
 

vc commodore

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Q. What is a Yankee?

A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.


Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?

A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball


Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?

A. The grip.



Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

A: Kick his sister in the jaw.


Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

A: 45 pounds.
 

vc commodore

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After having a very pleasant 69 with his honey, Graham remembered he had a dental appointment.

He was afraid the Dentist would notice the smell of growler on his breath, so he brushed his teeth, used dental floss, and also used a whole bottle of Listerine.
As he arrived at the Dentist he also ate a whole packet of extra strong mints.

His turn came up and the Dentist told him to take a seat in the chair.
Feeling confident and relaxed he opened his mouth wide.

The Dentist got close and asked "So, you had a 69 before you came here eh?"

Graham exasperated asked "How did you know? Does my breath still smell?"

The Dentist replied " No...you have a skid mark on your forehead..........."
 

vc commodore

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vc commodore, slow down! You’re gunna burn yer self out!

Done


Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music. The iTit will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size. This is considered a major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
 

vc commodore

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Bruce and Trevor are 2 Kiwi beggars.

They beg in different areas of Bondi.

Bruce begs just as long as Trevor but only collects $2 to $3 every day.

Trevor brings home a suitcase full of $10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.

Bruce says to Trevor, 'I work just as long and hard as you do so how do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 notes every day?'



Trevor says, 'Look at your sign, what does it say'?

Bruce's sign reads 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support'.

Trevor says 'No wonder you only get $2 to $3.

Bruce says, 'So what does your sign say'?

Trevor shows Bruce his sign.

It reads, 'I only need another $10 to move back to New Zealand.’
 

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Screenshot_20220121-193325_Brave.jpg
 
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