Joke of the Day

[Rocketeer]

 

[Rocketeer]

 

[Rocketeer]

I asked a supermarket employee where they kept the canned peaches.
He said, "I'll see," and walked away.
I asked another and he also said, "I'll see," and walked away.
In the end, I gave up and found them myself, in Aisle C.

 

[Rocketeer]

Some short ones........

I told my physical therapist that I broke my arm in two places.
He told me to stop going to those places.

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What do you call the wife of a hippie?
A Mississippi.

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FEW women admit their age -
VERY few men act theirs.

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As I watch this generation try to rewrite our history, one thing I'm sure of ...... it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

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Do you ever get up in the morning, look in the mirror and think, "That can't be accurate!"

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I want to be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

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Apparently RSVPing to a wedding invitation, "Maybe next time," isn't the correct response.

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A guy walks into a lumberyard and asks for some 2x4s.
The clerk asks, "How long do you need them?"
The guy answers, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."

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Don't stress about your eyesight failing as you get older.
It's nature's way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.

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I just burned 1200 calories.
I forgot the pizza in the oven.

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Thanks for teaching me the meaning of "plethora."
It means a lot.

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Paddy bought a camel from a farmer for $100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the camel the next day.
In the morning he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news.
The camel's died.'
Paddy replied, 'Well just give me my money back then.'
The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I've already spent it.'
Paddy said, 'OK then, just bring me the dead camel.'
The farmer asked, 'What are you going to do with him?'
Paddy said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer said, 'You can't raffle a dead camel!'
Paddy said, 'Sure I can. Watch me.
I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'
A month later, the farmer met up with Paddy and asked, 'What happened with that dead camel?'
Paddy said, 'I raffled him off.
I sold 500 tickets at $2 each and made a profit of $898′
The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'
Paddy said, 'Just the guy who won.
So I gave him his $2 back.'

 

[Mavericks Choice]

A man was on his deathbed. With a pitiful gasp, he managed to whisper to his wife, "I have one last request, my dear."
Of course," his wife replied, clutching his hand.
"Six months after I die, I would like you to marry Bob."
"But I thought you hated Bob?"
"I do!"

 

[Rocketeer]

Irish Fire Insurance

A man and his wife moved back home to County Cork, from London.

The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in Britain was £2,000.00 a year!

When they arrived in Bailieborough, they went to an Insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure the wooden leg.

The agent looked it up on the computer and said to the couple,'€39.00.'

The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in Ireland to insure, because it cost him £2,000.00 in England!

The agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, 'Well, here it is on the screen, it says:

‘Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is €39.00.'

I often do find the Irish Logic far superior to most others.​

 

[Rocketeer]

Mick bumps into Paddy in the street, walking with a greyhound.

“That’s a fine looking dog, Paddy.” Said Mick. “Are you going to race him?”

“No feckin’ way.” said Paddy. “He’s far too quick.”​

 

[Rocketeer]

 

[lmoengnr]

First thing to ask on a date:-

"Have you always been a woman?"