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Joke of the Day

Mavericks Choice

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When I met my wife her breasts were small and in perfect proportion to her body. Now, after twenty five years of marriage her breasts are massive,...and still in perfect proportion to her body.
 

Mavericks Choice

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Loft

Three guys are golfing with the club pro.

First guy tees off and hits a dibbler 60 yards.

He turns to the pro and asked "what did I do wrong?"

" Loft" replied the pro.

The next guy tees of and hits a duck hook into the woods.

He asked "What did I do wrong?"

The pro replied "Loft".

The third guy tees off and hits a slice into the pond.

He also turned to the pro and asked "What did I do wrong?"

Again, the answer came back "Loft"

As they were all walking down the fairway towards their balls the first guy decided to speak up.

The three of us all hit different shots and when we asked what we we had done wrong, on each occasion you gave exactly the same reply.

What is "Loft?'

The pro replied "LACK OF FUKKING TALENT"
 

Mavericks Choice

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The sky was dark
the moon was high
all alone
just her and I
Her hair so soft
her eyes so blue
I knew just what
she wanted to do
Her skin so soft
her legs so fine
I ran my fingers
down her spine
I didn't know how
but I tried my best
to place my hand
on her breast
I remember my fear
my fast beating heart
but slowly she spread
her legs apart
And when she did
I felt no shame
as all at once
the white stuff came
At last it was finished
it's all over now,
my first time ever
...milking a cow
 

Mavericks Choice

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This woman gets knocked over by a car. The driver gets out and runs over to the woman and says "Are you alright love".
The woman says "Everything is blurred, I must be going blind".
The driver leans over the woman in order to check her eyesight and says "How many fingers have I got up".
The woman screams " MY GOD! I MUST BE PARALYZED FROM THE WAIST DOWN".
 

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There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking his beer, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big fella comes in and -- WHACK!! -- knocks him off the bar stool and onto the floor. The big fella says, "That was a karate chop from Korea." The little guy thinks "Fuk me," but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden -- WHACK!! -- the big fella knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a judo chop from Japan." So the little guy has had enough of this... He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned. Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big fella and -- WHAM!!!" -- knocks the big fella off his stool, knocking him out cold!!! The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he gets up, tell him that's a crowbar from B&Q.
 

Mavericks Choice

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English humour, what can I say! Besides not their fault they are
different! Born in isolation on a tiny Island will do it!
Camila, Duchess of Cornwall wore a pair of new shoes for her
wedding. That night, when the celebration was over and they
retired to their room, She flopped on the bed and said, "Charles
darling, please remove my shoes, my feet are killing me." Her
ever-obedient Prince of Wales tried the right shoe but the shoe
would not budge. "Harder!" yelled Camilla, "Harder".
Charles yelled back: "I'm trying, darling! But it's just so bloody
tight!" "Come on! Give it all you've got!" she cried. Finally, when it
released, Charles let out a big groan and Camilla exclaimed,
"There! Oh God, that feels so good!"
In their bedroom next door, the Queen said to Prince Phillip,
"See! I told you with a face like that, she had to be a virgin!"
Meanwhile, as Charles tried to remove her left shoe, he cried,
"Oh God, darling! This one's even tighter!"
At which Prince Phillip said to the Queen, "That's my boy! He
served in the Navy. Once a Rear Admiral, always a Rear Admiral.
 

Mavericks Choice

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A weeping woman burst into her hypnotherapist’s office and declared, “Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I broke that trust and had an affair! The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!”

The hypnotherapist shook his head. “Not again …”
 

Mavericks Choice

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49464968_574888479640872_2295170801462149120_n.jpg
 

Skydrol

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What about a little Smart joke.

FB-IMG-1546249924972.jpg
 
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Mavericks Choice

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Sister Bernadette lived in a convent a few hundred yards from Wayne's liquor store. One day she went in and asked Wayne for a bottle of brandy.
He said, "I'm sorry, Sister Bernadette, I can't sell brandy to a nun."
"But it's for the Mother Superior," she explained. "It helps with her constipation."
Hearing this, Wayne relented and sold her the brandy. On his way home that night, he saw Sister Bernadette staggering drunkenly along the road.
"Sister Bernadette!" he exclaimed. "Shame on you! You told me the brandy was for the Mother Superior constipation."
"And so it is," said Sister Bernadette. "When she sees the state I'm in, she's going to **** herself!"
 
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