Joke of the Day

[Mavericks Choice]

Guy goes to a doctor and says he has a problem with sex.
"I think my penis is too small" he says.
The doctor asks him which drink he prefers.
"Well, Lager" he replies quite bemused.
"Aaaahhh. There's your problem, It shrinks things those Lagers.
You should try drinking Guinness. That makes things grow."
Two months later the chap returns to the doctor with a big
smile on his face.
He shakes the doctor by the hand and thanks him.
"I take it you now drink Guinness?" asked the doc.
"No", replies the man "but I've got the wife on Lager!

 

[Mavericks Choice]

The US Postal Service created a stamp with a picture of President Trump, but the new stamp was not sticking to envelopes.

This enraged the President who demanded a full investigation.

After weeks of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings:

ü The stamp is in perfect order.

ü There is nothing wrong with the adhesive.

ü People are spitting on the wrong side.

 

[Mavericks Choice]

The pope goes to America and gets picked up at the airport by a Cadillac Limo with the windows blacked out. After a while, the driver hears a rapping on the glass partition and winds it down.

'You know, since I was a little boy I've always dreamed of driving a Caddy,' says the pope.

Not wanting to refuse a request by God's representative on Earth, the driver pulls over and they swap places.

The pope has a wonderful time screaming down the freeway at 100mph, but it's not long before blue lights pull the car over. The policeman has words, then returns to his vehicle and gets on the radio.

'Dispatch - you better get me the chief' he whispers.

'Roger that.'

A pause.

'Chief here. What's up?'

'I've just pulled somebody over and I think they're quite important and I don't know what to do,' whispers the policeman.

'You haven't pulled over the mayor again have you?'

'No, I think they're more important than the mayor.'

'The governor?'

'No, I think they're more important than the governor.'

'Oh my god! You haven't pulled over the president have you?'

'No, I think they're more important than the president.'

'WHAT? How can anyone possibly be more important than the president of the United States?'

'I dunno, but he's got the Pope as his fukin chauffeur...'

 

[Mavericks Choice]

I walked into my 12 year old son's room and caught him browsing porn sites. "What the hell are you doing you stupid boy!" I shouted, "Use Google Chrome not Internet Explorer!"

 

[ephect]

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Dementia Test !
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles.
As we grow older, it’s important to keep mentally alert.
If you don’t use it, you will lose it !!!

Here is a very private way to gauge how your memory compares to your last test.
Some may think it is too easy, but the ones with memory problems may have difficulty.

Take this test to determine if you’re losing it or not.

The spaces below are so you don’t see the answers until you’ve answered.

OK, RELAX, clear your mind and begin.






#1. What do you put in a toaster ?



















Answer: 'bread.' If you said 'toast', just give up now and go do something else.

And, try not to hurt yourself. If you said, bread, go to Question #2.







# 2. Say 'silk' ten times. Now spell 'silk.' What do cows drink ?



















Answer: Cows drink water. If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question.

Your brain is already over-stressed and may even overheat.

Content yourself with reading more appropriate literature such as Women's Weekly or Auto World.

However, if you did say 'water', proceed to Question #3.













# 3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?























Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass.



If you said 'green bricks', why are you still reading
this ???PLEASE, go lie down !









But, if you said 'glass,' go on to Question #4.











# 4. Please do not use a calculator for this for it would be cheating:



You are driving a bus from Ahmedabad to Surat.

In Maninagar , 17 people got on the bus.

In Kaira, 6 people get off the bus and 9 people get on.

In Nadiad,2 people get off and 4 get on.

In Anand , 11 people get off and 16 people get on.

In Vadodara, 3 people get off and 5 people get on.

And, in Bharuch , 6 people get off and 3 get on.



You then arrive at Surat Station.





Without going back to review, how old is the bus driver?


























Answer: Oh, for crying out loud !







Don't you remember your own age?!?! It was YOU driving the bus!







If you pass this along to your friends, pray they do better than you.



PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!

Sorry for all the spaces. You'd be tempted to cheat otherwise. If you had fun with this, send it on; I did.

 

[Skydrol]

 

[Mavericks Choice]

 

[Mavericks Choice]

A man was so paranoid about the size of his 'Willy' that he could never work up the courage to have Sex.

Then one day he fell in love with a Nurse.

One fine evening, they went back to her place. She put on some soft music and led him into the bedroom.

Totally mortified, he told her of his problem.

“Don't worry," She said. "I'm a Nurse. I won't laugh.”

Blushing the man drops his trousers. "It's OK," she said.

"I've seen lots smaller than that One"..

"Really??" the relieved man asked.

She nodded. "Yes, I used to work in the Maternity Ward," she chuckled.

 

[Mavericks Choice]

My mates Mrs said she was going out for a pint of milk over a week ago and has not come back !!
I asked him how he was coping and he said not bad he was using the powdered stuff