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Joke of the Day

Mavericks Choice

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A wedding occurred, just outside Cavan in Ireland.
To keep tradition going, everyone got drunk and the bride's and groom's families have a storming row and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the crap out of each other.
The Police get called in to break up the fight.
The following week, all members of both families appear in court.
The fight continues in the court room until the Judge finally brings calm with the use of his gavel, shouting "Silence in Court".
The court room goes silent and Paddy (the best man) stands up and says, "Judge.. I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened".
The Judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand.
Paddy begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Cavan wedding that the Best Man gets the first dance with the Bride.
The judge says "OK".
"Well", said Paddy, "After I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song.. when all of a sudden the Groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the Bride an unmerciful kick in her privates".
The Judge instantly responded... "God.. that must of hurt!"
Paddy replies "HURT!.. He broke three of my feckin fingers.”
 

Mavericks Choice

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I was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard on his hind legs telling jokes.
I turned to the local tribesman and said "That lizard's really funny" The tribesman replied ...
"That's not a lizard, He' a stand up chameleon!"
 

Mavericks Choice

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My wife was in court today for pinching a tin of Peaches,we dont get on but i went with her for moral support,The judge said how many peaches where in the tin? She said 6 the judge said 6 weeks in prison, I shouted out Hold on a minute,,,,She pinched a tin of Peas as well,,,,,
 

Mavericks Choice

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A kindergarten class had settled down to it's coloring books. One boy went up to the teacher's desk and said, "I ain't got no crayons."
"You mean," she replied, " 'I don't have any crayons.' You don't have any crayons. We don't have any crayons. They don't have any crayons. Do you see what I'm getting at?"
"Not really," the boy said. "What happened to all the freakin crayons?".
 

Mavericks Choice

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A guy starts his holiday in France at a popular restaurant. He opens the door then suddenly stops, but he sees a man walking towards him.
He gestures to the door and says, "Ma dam-" but the gentleman cuts him off. "It's Monsieur." And the man walks off looking annoyed.
Thankfully a different man started walking towards him and he points to the door and starts again "Ma dam-" but again he's cut off, "It's Monsieur, you stupid Englishman." And he keeps walking.
Finally a staff member from the restaurant comes to the door and says, "Monsieur, you are scaring away our customers and I'm afraid I have to ask you to leave."
The man says "I can't! Ma damn sleeve is stuck in the door!
 

Mavericks Choice

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A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas.
With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting:
"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.
What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?
What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being?
It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!"
The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells,
"You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little idiot on your knee!"
 

vc commodore

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Customer walks into the pub and asks Can I have a pint of less please

The bartender replies "Less? "What's that"

The customer replies "I don't know either but the doctor told me I need to drink less
 
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