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Joke of the Day

Mavericks Choice

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Two eight-year-old boys played in a estate park every day, and across the street was a brothel. Day after day they saw men go up, knock on the door, go in, and eventually come out happy and smiling.
One day they became curious and decided to see what was going on. The madam answers the door and looks down at the boys, and asks what they want.
They explain what they saw, and tell her that they are curious as to what goes on inside. The Madam thinks for a moment, shrugs, and says, "Do you have 5 quid?"
Both boys dig deep into their pockets and come up with a total of 50 pence.
She says, "OK, that will have to do," as she proceeds to lift her skirt and pull down her panties. She tells both boys to take a sniff, which they do. She closes the door and the kids proceed home.
About halfway down the street one boy turns to the other and says, "Ya know Joey, I don't think I coulda stood 5 quid worth of that."
 

Mavericks Choice

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Today I was in a shoe store that sells only shoes, nothing else. A young girl with a tattoo and green hair walked over to me and asked, "What brings you in today, I looked at her and said, "I'm interested in buying a refrigerator." She didn't quite know how to respond, had that deer in the headlights look.
I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.
When people see a cat's litter box they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat" I just say, "No, it's for company!"
Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency. I think you should write, "An ambulance."
The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Have you ever noticed: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he knows when he's really in trouble.
Did you ever notice that when you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs"
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Some people try to turn back their "odometers." Not me.
I want people to know why I look this way.
 

Mavericks Choice

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A young bride was scouring the aisles of the supermarket. Up and down each aisle she went, then started over again.
The store manager noticed this and went over to her. "Can I help you find something, miss?" he asked. "It's Mrs.!", she said proudly, "I just got married."
"Congratulations, " said the manager. "What can I help you find?"
"Scratch," she replied. "Scratch?" he asked, "Is that a new cleanser or something?"
"No silly," she replied brightly ...
"My husband told me that his mother made everything from scratch, so I need to find some!"
 

vc commodore

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The doctor told the patient to walk over to the window and stick out their tongue out

The patient asked why

The doctor said, "I don't like the person next door
 

Mavericks Choice

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In my town there is a post office. In the porch area are the boxes. Because of covid I tend to avoid being next to others.
One day I opened the door to enter and encountered a black guy on his way out. He was a complete stranger to me. I politely stood back to allow him to pass. He politely stood back and said, "Come on in."
I said, "Either you come out of there, or I'm coming in and drag you out." I would not have said it if I was wearing a mask hiding my smile because he was big enough to beat the living daylights out of me.
 

Mavericks Choice

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The Spell Checker
Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.
 

Mavericks Choice

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Whoo Wooo the lady across the road has said she would make me a Steak&Kidney pie and a promise of afters,,Awww shes just rang to say she can,t make it her hubbys coming home early,
I feel like a Bob Marley song
No women no pie,,,
 
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