Joke of the Day

[Mavericks Choice]

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.
At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says "Sisters, you all led such wonderful lives that I'm granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want to be."
The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and poof she's gone.
The second says, "I want to be Madonna;" and poof she's gone.
The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini." St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says. "Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun. St. Peter shakes his head and says; "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."
The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says "No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."

 

[Mavericks Choice]

A man goes to the doctor. "Doctor, I wish to protest about the spare-part surgery operation you did on me"
"What's wrong?" said the doctor "I gave you another hand when your own was smashed up at your factory"
"i know" said the man "but you gave me a female hand which is good most of the time. It's just that when I go to the toilet it doesn't want to let go"

 

[Mavericks Choice]

The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. "Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded. "Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any." The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's £30. Go and buy yourself some underwear." Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she is wearing no undies. "Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?" She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me." He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's £20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!" Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she too, is naked under it. "Sweet mudder of Jesus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?" She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any." The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the love of Jasus, 'n the sake of decency, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit."

 

[Mavericks Choice]

I just asked the woman in Waterstones if Prince Harry’s book is available to download.
She said "Do you want the PDF file?"
I said "No, that’s his uncle...

 

[Mavericks Choice]

A kid asks his teacher to go to the bathroom.. The teacher says okay and he goes the the bathroom, takes a poop but realizes there is no toilet paper. He is forced to wipe with his hand and goes back to class with his hand closed.
The teacher tells him to open his hand and he responds, "No, there is a leprechaun in there and you're going to scare it away"
The teacher sends him to the nurse who tells him to open his hand. He says "No, there is a leprechaun in there and you're going to scare it away"
The nurse calls his mom to pick him and when she yells at him to open his hand he responds again "No, there is a leprechaun in there and you're going to scare it away"
She tells him to go to see his father downstairs. His dad says " open your hand"
He starts to repeat again that he has a leprechaun in his hand but the father takes his hand and opens it and sees his hand covered in poop.
The kid says, "See dad, you scared the **** out of it"

 

[Mavericks Choice]

A man is in court for murder and the judge says, "You are charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."
A voice at the back of the court says, "You b*stard."
The judge continues, "You are also charged with beating your daughter to death with a hammer."
Again the voice at the back of the court says, "You b*stard."
The judge says, "We cannot have any more of these outbursts from you. What is the problem?"
The man at the back of the court says, "Fifteen years I lived next door to that b*stard, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one!"