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Joke of the Day

Discussion in 'Jokes/Humour' started by Mavericks Choice, Sep 16, 2017.

  1. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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  2. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    People often complain about the police, but you rarely hear about the
    positive things they do, such as this incident involving a biker and a
    frozen carburettor.
    Last year on a bitterly cold winter's day, a motorcycle cop
    on patrol came upon a motorcyclist who was stalled by the roadside. The
    biker was swathed in heavy protective clothing and wearing a full-face
    helmet to protect the face from the cold weather.
    "What's the matter? asked the cop
    "Carburettor's frozen," was the terse reply.
    "Piss on it. That'll thaw it out."
    "I can't," said the biker.
    "OK, watch me closely and I'll show you." The cop unzipped and promptly
    warmed the carburettor as promised.
    Moments later the bike started and the rider drove off, waving.
    A few days later, the local police station received a note of thanks
    from the father of the motorcyclist.
    It began: "On behalf of my daughter Jill.........”.
     
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  3. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    I've always been unpopular...

    Even as a toddler my imaginary friend used to go to play with the kids next door..
     
  4. Skydrol

    Skydrol Well-Known Member

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  5. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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  6. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    I recently had to use a public phone box in London, and was shocked to see a card advertising advertising a 'Spanking by a naughty nurse, any time'. No wonder my wife has been waiting for a operation for 18 months when these so-called healthcare professionals are willing to abandon their patients at the drop of a hat in order to attend to someone's sexual lustings.
     
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  7. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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  8. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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  9. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    This morning my dog looked at me and then said, Tell me a joke. I replied, No, you don't understand human jokes. Oh yeah, because humans are just so clever and I'm just a stupid dog? He complained. Ok, I said, Knock Knock. Then he ran off shouting, It's the door, it's the door, quick, quick, somebody is at the feckin door!!
     
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  10. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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  11. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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  12. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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  13. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    I remember getting that "gut instinct" when I was younger. After years of drinking now all i get is indigesrion heartburn & reflux
     
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  14. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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  15. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    Stephen said to his wife, “I’m getting you something small for Christmas.”
    She said, “Is it underwear?”
    He said, “Are you feckin’ deaf, I said something small.”
     
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  16. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    The missus just phoned me and the conversation went like this!..
    *
    Her: "You know that Gladiator movie that I got you?"
    Me: "Yeah."
    Her: "Wind it forward one hour, 16 mins and 28 seconds."
    Me: "Right, I've done that"
    Her: "Okay, you see the gladiator at the front fighting the lion!"
    Me: "I can see that, yeah."
    Her: "Just behind him, there are two gladiators having a sword fight with each other!"
    Me: Okay, I see them."
    Her: "Well, behind them two, on the left hand side of the screen, there's a gladiator holding a spear."
    Me: "Yes! I can see him!"
    Her: Right..! Those are the Sandals I want for Christmas!!.
     
  17. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    A new bride was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner.

    So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time.

    He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"
     
  18. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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  19. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    If your feeling down or depressed and nobody appreciates you with lack of confidence
    go park your car in a disable bay
    you be surprised how many people will come over too you and say
    there's nowt bloody wrong with you ?
     
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  20. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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