Joke of the Day

[Skydrol]

I heard about the guy that invented the dook knockers.

He won a No Bell Price for it.

 

[Mavericks Choice]

"Janet across the road has just called me in and showed me her tits, " I said to my wife.
"WHAT! I'll bloody kill her, " she yelled, and stormed out of the house.
Oh dear, I hope she doesn't damage her aviary “

 

[Mavericks Choice]

 

[Skydrol]

I was going to make an anal joke, "but" fück it...

 

[Mavericks Choice]

A very nice innocent Australian woman wanted to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he has never had sex with another woman. After several years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad.
She ends up corresponding with Tommy Greer, who has lived his whole life in the Australian outback and has had no experience with women. They meet, and she is very happy with him; she feels that they are perfect for each other, and they end up getting married.
On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom and prepares for the evening. When she returns to the bedroom she finds her husband standing in the middle of the room-naked. All the furniture is piled in one corner. “What’s going on?” she asks.
“I’ve never been with a woman” he says. “but if it’s anything like a kangaroo, I’m going to need all the room I can get!”

 

[Mavericks Choice]

 

[marty351]

 

[Mavericks Choice]

A Farmer ordered a high tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So he inserted his "manhood" into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic. Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his member....
He read the manual but didn't find any useful information on how to disengage himself. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success.
Finally he decided to call the suppliers customer service hot line with his mobile phone (Thank god for mobile phones!)
"Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?"
"Don't worry," replied the customer service rep, "The machine will release
automatically once it's collected two gallons...

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Irish Birth Control,
Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin
when she met up with Father Flaherty
The Father said, 'Top o' the mornin' To ye! Aren't ye
Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer' Hoosband
couple 'a years ago?'
She replied, 'Aye, that ye' did, Father.'
The Father asked, 'And be there any wee little ones yet?'
She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.'
The Father said, 'Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and
I'll light a fertility candle for ye' and yer' hoosband.'
She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father...' They then parted ways..
Some years later they met again. The Father asked, 'Well
now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?'
She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!'
The Father asked, 'And tell me, have ye' any wee ones yet?'
She replied, 'Oh yes, Father! Two sets of twins and six singles,
Ten wee ones in all!'
The Father said, 'Oh, that's wonderful!
And how's yer' loving hoosband doing?'
She replied, 'E's gone to Rome to blow out yer' fookin' candle!'

 

[Mavericks Choice]