Joke of the Day

[Mavericks Choice]

A man took his dog to the vet and asked him to cut off the dog's tail.
"Why do you want to do that?" asked the vet. "His tail is perfectly healthy"
"I know," said the man. "But my wife's mother is arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she is welcome....

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Family Gathering

There was a family gathering, with all generations around
Mischievous teenagers put a Viagra tablet into Grandpa's drink, and after a while, Grandpa excused himself, because he had to go to the bathroom for a pee. When he returned, however, his trousers were wet all over.
'What happened, Grandpa?' asked his concerned children.
'Well,' he answered, 'I don't really know. I had to go to the bathroom. I took my penis out and started to pee, but then I saw that it wasn't mine, so I put it back!'

 

[Skydrol]

 

[Mavericks Choice]

A grade three teacher is giving a lesson on nutrition, and she decides to ask her students what they had for breakfast.
To add a spelling component, she asks the students to also spell their answers.
Susan puts up her hand and says she had an egg, 'E-G-G'.
'Very good', says the teacher.
Peter says he had toast 'T-O-A-S-T'.
'Excellent.'
Johnny has his hand up and the teacher reluctantly calls on him.
'I had Fuk all', he says, ' F-U-C-K-A-L-L'.
The teacher is mortified and scolds Johnny for his rude answer
Later when the lesson turns to geography, she asks the students some rudimentary questions.
Susan correctly identifies the Capital of Canada.

Peter is able to tell her which ocean is off Canada 's east coast.
When it's Johnny's turn, the teacher remembers his rude answer from the nutrition lesson, and decides to give him a very difficult question.
Johnny, she asks, 'Where is the Pakistani border?'
Johnny ponders the question and finally says, 'The Pakistani boarder is in bed with my mother.
That's why I got fuk all for breakfast’

 

[Mavericks Choice]

In Australian outback, this dog rough boozer is full of miners and Shepards. A dog ugly woman jumps up on a table and drunkenly roars out." If any of you men can guess my weight, you can take me home and shag me senseless". One lad shouts, "about a ton"!! As the pub laughs she responds " that's near enough, ya lucky bastard"

 

[Mavericks Choice]

A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter,and sees that it's filled to

the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it.

He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"

"Well..., you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar

and the keys to a brand new Lexus."

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks,

"What are the three tests?"

"You gotta pay first," says the bartender, "those are the rules."

So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender $10

which he stuffs into the jar.

"Okay," says the bartender, "here's what you need to do:

First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in 60 seconds or less,

and you can't make a face while doing it."

"Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth.

You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands."

"Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex.

You have to take care of that problem."

The man is stunned! "I know I paid my $10 -- but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it!

You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila and then do all those other things!"

"Your call," says the bartender, "but, your money stays where it is."

As time goes on, the man has a few more drinks and finally says,

"Where's the damn tequila?!"

He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can.Tears stream

down both cheeks -- but he doesn't make a face -- and he drinks it in 58 seconds!

Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole.

Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a

terrible fight -then, nothing but silence!

Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar.

His clothes are ripped to shreds and he's bleeding from bites and gashes all over his body.

He drunkenly says, "Now..., where's that old woman with the bad tooth?"

 

[Mavericks Choice]

An old maid was held up in a dark alley.
She explained she had no money, but the robber insisted that it must be in her bra, or in her panties and started feeling around.
"I told you I haven't got any money," the spinster said, "but if you keep doing that, I'll write you a cheque."

 

[Mavericks Choice]

I recently went to see my psychiatrist. He's finally come to the conclusion that I'm psycho-ceramic. I said "What does that mean?".........He said "You're potty"

 

[Mavericks Choice]

HOLY PROSTITUTES

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye... It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES

He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought.

Soon he sees another sign which reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES

Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive.
On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks,
'What may we do for you, son?'
He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business....'

'Very well son. Please follow me.' He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented.
The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man,
'Please knock on this door.'
He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door.

This nun instructs, 'Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway.'
He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him.

The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:

GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY
THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER

 

[Gotta_Drive_1]

Two Aussies are driving down the road in the outback when they notice a ewe with its head stuck in the fence and a kiwi gentleman screwing its brains out. They sing out " shouldn't you be shearin that mate" he replies; "I'm not shearin her with no one bro"