Joke of the Day

[Mavericks Choice]

There was a couple who were big over-spenders.
They always dreamed to spend holidays in Hawaii, but they were never able to save any money to do so.
One day they came up with an idea -- each time they had sex, they would put $50 note into a piggy bank.
They bought the piggy, and followed that procedure for about a year.
After that time, they decided that there was enough money for their dream vacation and broke the piggy bank.
The husband looked at their savings and said: "Isn't it strange. Each time we had sex, I put $50 into the piggy. But I see tons of $100 notes
The wife replied, "Do you think that everybody is as stingy as you are?"

 

[Mavericks Choice]

In light of the recent events in Korea, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.
The English are also feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Korea and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from "Fuk Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the Barbie this weekend!" and "The Barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

 

[Gotta_Drive_1]

A rather small African man goes off to fight in the civil war. He is gone for 5 years and when he returns he is HUGE. His mammi says " My Sambo, you have grown." He says " yeah ma ". She says " how tall are you now Sambo? He says " I am six foot eight ma" wow she says how do you know that? He says "tape measure ma". She says seeing you is so tall how big is your chest Sambo? He says " fifty five inches ma" she says " how do you know that Sambo? He says "tape measure ma". She says "Sambo seeing you is so tall and so broad, how big is the old fella?" Sambo says " half an inch ma".. she starts laughing hysterically and says "how do you know that Sambo? He says" half an inch off the ground ma!!!"

 

[Gotta_Drive_1]

Two men standing at a cubicle relieving themselves. As a joke one says to the other gee the water is cold. The other says in a flash.... and deep too.

 

[Mavericks Choice]

 

[Mavericks Choice]

I was lost and deep in the desert and started to feel very thirsty, so I pissed into a bottle and began drinking my own urine ! A few minutes later though, when I found the bus, the Pyramids tour guide said to me, "Mate, we have some gatorades in the cooler !"

 

[Skydrol]

 

[Skydrol]

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Abdul's wife complained that there was no more romance in their life. "Remember," she said, "When you used to carry me to the bedroom."
Abdul paused for a moment and said, "Yes, but you were only 9 back then."

 

[Ross Wonderley]

Old drunk sleeps on the same bench every night.. one morning he wakes up and a punk rocker with multi coloured mohawk is sitting on the end of the bench... He wipes his eyes a couple of times while staring at the punk... punk says " what? You never done anything WILD mate"?? Old drunk keeps staring at him absolutely amazed at the hairdo and without hesitation says... " I think I may have f@#$#d a parrot once"

the puncline continues: "...and I was wondering if you might be my son."