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Joke of the Day

Discussion in 'Jokes/Humour' started by Mavericks Choice, Sep 16, 2017.

  1. keith reed

    keith reed Well-Known Member

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    This quarantine is affecting everyone in the workforce. But it especially sucks for men.
    We're losing $1 for every $.79 women are losing.
     
    Mavericks Choice and yamahahatim like this.
  2. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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  3. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    BREAKING NEWS: Hand sanitiser shortage in the UK. However, there is STILL plenty of soap available in Bradford. Just ignore the 1996 sell-by date.
     
  4. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    Imagine if 10 years ago you were approached by a time traveler and he was like "look, I don't have much time to explain, but all I can tell you is that the year 2020 is going to be an absolute **** show. You know Donald Trump, the star of the apprentice? Well he's the president of the United States and at the beginning of 2020 he gets into a Twitter spar with Iran that almost starts World War 3. Australia catches on fire and a woman tries to save it by selling pictures of her boobs. Kobe Bryant dies in a helicopter crash. Half the world is devastated, the other half just makes dank ass memes. Then some dude in China eats a raw ass bat and starts a global pandemic that specifically kills maw maws and paw paws. Everyone loses their minds. 40% of the population thinks it's the end of the world, another 40% thinks it's all fake, and 20% blames the whole thing on cell phone towers and pedophiles. The one thing everyone seems to agree on is that the only way to survive is by hoarding toilet paper. Grocery stores are ransacked and Charmin ultra soft essentially replaces the dollar as the official U.S. currency. As hysteria grows, world governments are forced to shut the entire planet down and lock everyone in their houses and the only person that can keep the people from completely flipping out and starting a huge riot is a gay, gun toting Oklahoma meth head with 180 pet tigers... I'd be like, "Here's a dollar now get away from me crackhead."
     
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  5. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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  6. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    My wife came home early to find me in the kitchen cooking a lovely candlelit dinner on the table and place settings for two.

    "Oh this is a surprise" she said.

    "Too right it is," I replied "I didn't expect you back till Monday! “
     
    BlackVXGTS and keith reed like this.

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