Joke of the Day

[Mavericks Choice]

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?

A widow.

 

[Mavericks Choice]

 

[Tonner Matt]

 

[Mavericks Choice]

 

[Mavericks Choice]

I was in Turkey on holiday and came across one of those Turkish bath houses. They shaved with a solid steel stone ground razor from below the neck line, inside the ears, snipped out nose hairs, waxed off chest hairs and plucked all the hairs out of the arse crack, all finished off with a moustache trim and alcohol rub. Honestly, the wife's never looked so good!!

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Paddy's girlfriend told him that she thinks she is pregnant, Paddy said I'll get you the home pregnancy test and we'll know then, next day she went to the toilet and some minutes later Paddy shouted, did it turn blue yet, she shouted back, no it's still brown

 

[Mavericks Choice]

A man walks into a church confessional and says to the priest, “Bless me, father, for I have sinned. I was with seven different women last night.”
The priest is silent for a moment, then says, “Go home and cut seven lemons in half. Squeeze the juice into a glass and drink it down in one gulp.”
“And I’ll be forgiven?” asks the man.
“No,” replies the priest, “but it will wipe that smirk off your face

 

[Mavericks Choice]

 

[Mavericks Choice]

The foreman on a large work site noticed a new laborer one day and barked at him "what's your name?"

"John", the new bloke replied.

The Foreman scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of wishy-washy work site you were on before, but I don't call anyone by their first name.

It's weak and wastes time. I call my employees by their last name only -Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all.

If I want a job done, I yell, Baker, get this or Jones, do that!

Now that we have that straight, what's your last name?"

The new bloke sighed, "Darling. My name is John Darling."

The foreman paused briefly for a couple of seconds, then said quietly, "Ok John, the first thing I want you to do is!!.

 

[Mavericks Choice]

After the wife and I won the lottery, we sat down with a lawyer to discuss how we'd take the payment. He asked me, "Are you still interested in the lump figure ?" "Not at all," I replied, "I'm definitely going to find a younger and thinner woman."