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Joke of the Day

Mavericks Choice

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I was watching my neighbours cat while she was on holiday as her elderly mum wasn't able to. After a couple of days she phoned.. "How's Tiddles getting on?" She asked. "Tiddles is dead" I replied. After a while she sobbed.."that's so cold hearted, could you not have broken it to me a bit gentler than that. You could have said..Tiddles got stuck up a tree, the Fire Brigade tried to get her down, she fell and died instantly" "I'm sorry" I said.."you're right" "..and how's my mum?" ..she continued. I replied.."she got stuck up a tree..."
 

Mavericks Choice

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A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish cop. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any Irish cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Irish cop's expense! Irish cop says,

“License and registration, please"

London Lawyer says, "What for?”

Irish cop says, "Ye did nae come to a complete stop at the stop sign.”

London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming.”

Irish cop says, "Ye still did nae come to a complete stop. License and registration, please.”

London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?@

Irish cop says, "The difference is, ye huvte come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please.”

London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.”

Irish cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir.”

The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.
The Irish cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living **** out of the lawyer and says,

“Daeye want me to stop, or just slow down?”
 

Mavericks Choice

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Mick's dentist told him he needs to give him a prostate exam tomorrow. "He can piss off" says Mick, "I may not be the sharpest tool in the box, but I know that can't be right". "It's only been a few weeks since he gave me the last one.! “
 

Mavericks Choice

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65575534_2543656455646947_1923366602317758464_n.jpg
 

Mavericks Choice

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The wife has started having these weird fantasies.....

Just Last night she had one where she wanted me to come home early from the pub and have dinner with her.....
 

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Paddy and Murphy are going through the jungle, when they see a pride of lions in a clearing. Paddy throws a rock at them, and Murphy says, ''Don't do that, you will upset them'', So Paddy throws another rock, hitting a big lion on the head. The lion starts to chase them, with all the other lions in the pride after them. ''Quick run Murphy'', says Paddy, they will kill us''. ''Why should I run?'', Murphy says, ''you threw the fuking rock' !!
 

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65974145_113117699976094_1389830122537746432_n.jpg
 

Mavericks Choice

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48395952_10215965169956507_1671216296504590336_n.jpg
 

Mavericks Choice

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A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong, mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep.

The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can move aside to let him go to the bathroom. He knows he can't climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do.

Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes through the little guy. He can't hold it in any longer and hurls all over the big guy's chest.

About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him.

"So," says the little guy, "are you feeling any better now?"
 
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