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Joke of the Day

Discussion in 'Jokes/Humour' started by Mavericks Choice, Sep 16, 2017.

  1. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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  2. Skydrol

    Skydrol Well-Known Member

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    What you call 2 Skunks doing a 69?

    Odor Eaters
     
  3. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    0 Things a woman will never say.

    1 Do you think this dress makes me look too slim?

    2 You take me out too much. Can't we just stay in?

    3 A fake one will do.

    4 You look stressed out, let me give you a blow job.

    5 Have a night out with your friends, you deserve it.

    6 My mother is a real old bitch.

    7 No,no. You buy me too much already.

    8 Give it me hard up the arse big boy. You know I love it.

    9 What headache?

    10 Put your money away, let me buy the round.
     
  4. Stroppy

    Stroppy Member

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    LOL!
     
  5. Stroppy

    Stroppy Member

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    -Man goes to see his doctor.
    -Doctor looks at him sternly and says, "Fred, you have to stop masturbating!"
    -"But why, doctor?"
    -"Because you are bloody disturbing the consultation!!!"
     
  6. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    After 3 months at sea one time, Kev called the missus to say he was on my his way home,
    "I can't wait to see you again." She told me.
    "And I've a nice surprise for you, too."
    When I got there, I opened the living room door to find her lying on the couch, stark naked.
    "Holy **** baby, you look amazing!!" I said, jaw hitting the floor.
    "It looks like you've lost loads of weight and certainly aren't the same fatty you were a few weeks ago. This is a fabulous surprise."
    "Oh piss off, Kev!" she snapped. "I've bought us a bigger sofa!!
     
  7. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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  8. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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  9. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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  10. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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  11. Skydrol

    Skydrol Well-Known Member

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    At a travel agency in Shanghai, I asked the Chinese girl behind the counter if she could escort me on a city tour and asked for her cell number so I could call her.

    She gave me a big smile, nodded her head and said,

    "Sex sex sex, want free sex for tonight”.
    I replied, "Wow, you Chinese women are really hospitable!”

    A guy next to me overheard, tapped on my shoulder and said, "What she really said was: 666136429.”
     
    losh1971 likes this.
  12. Skydrol

    Skydrol Well-Known Member

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  13. VS 5.0

    VS 5.0 Well-Known Member

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  14. Skydrol

    Skydrol Well-Known Member

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  15. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    This lesbian couple came into my restaurant with a newborn baby in their arms.

    "It's so cute," I said as I tickled its forehead... "Boy or girl ?"

    "'It' will decide for itself once it's 12 years old," they hissed.
     
  16. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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  17. commodore665

    commodore665 expat Saffa

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    google ask.jpg
     
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  18. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    I'm now getting to that stage when I have to use a lubricant before having sex with my wife

    Usually about eight pints !
     
  19. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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    "What do you want for your birthday?" I asked my sweet wife
    "Ooh if you're feeling generous, I could do with an outfit for work!"
    So I got her a new apron and some oven gloves.
     
  20. Mavericks Choice

    Mavericks Choice Well-Known Member

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