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Joke of the Day

Mavericks Choice

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A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.'

'I have a better idea,' she replied, 'Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married'.

'Wow! That's a great idea!' he exclaimed.

'Good,' she replied, 'Get your own f#@king blanket!'

After a moment of silence, he farted.
 

jetfrost

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A boy asks his dad, “What’s the difference between potential and realistic?” The dad tells him to go ask the rest of his family if they’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then he’d tell him the answer. The boy goes up to his mom and asks her. She responds, “A million dollars is a lot of money sweetheart. I could send you, your sister, and your brother to great colleges, so sure, I would!” He then goes and asks his sister to which she replies, “Brad Pitt? Hell ya, he’s the hottest guy ever!” Next, the boy asks his brother who replies, “A million dollars? Hell yes I would. I’d be rich!” When the boy excitedly returns to his dad with the family’s responses, the dad says, “Well son, potentially, we have three million dollars. Realistically, we have two sluts and a queer.”
 

jetfrost

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A mature (over 40) lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer : Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer : Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer : Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer : I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer : Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer : Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer : You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer2 : Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
 

jonesjacob790

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22366558_10207868835438030_636646222288954373_n.jpg
LOL ahahaha
 

Mavericks Choice

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As I was onboard the Ryanair flight, a smartly dressed man sat opposite me asked "Sorry, where is this flight heading to" Rather bemused, I told him that we're scheduled for Milan. He seemed fairly drunk and apologized, we laughed it off. He looked a wealthy man and bought me drinks throughout the journey, we went from rare vintage claret to drinking buckfast and jagërbombs. He told me stories about his favourite piss-ups from various flights.
We were nearing Milan and the guy must have been quite hammered at this point.
He swiftly stood up and knocked back a double measure of rum..."Right, I better get back. It's the co-pilots first flight, and I promised him I'd help him land this thing!"
 

Mavericks Choice

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My wife's birthday went a bit haywire yesterday.... I asked her what she wanted as a present and she said 'any Apple product would be great'. So i bought her a couple of tins of cider
 

Mavericks Choice

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I was on the last train home last night and the carriage was empty except for me and this sexy brunette sitting opposite.

I'd had a few drinks and was feeling a bit confident so I gave her a wink and a smile. She winked back and gave a little giggle.

Knowing that I was well in, I leant forwards and gently ran my finger up her leg. She gave me a look of shock, but didn't protest.

I caressed her thigh and gave it a gentle squeeze. She furrowed her brow but still no complaint.

With that my desire took over. I dived into the vacant seat next to her and grabbed one of her breasts and pulled it out. She squealed as I licked it all over and gave it a cheeky nibble.

Then I slowly sat back down in my seat and we exchanged stares. After a minute of silence she looked at me, with a little tear in her eye and said,

"You've ruined my fukking KFC
 

Mavericks Choice

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As the cops were questioning me at the scene, I tried so hard to stay cool and collected, but I could not stop bursting out into spontaneous and uncontrollable laughter. The cops finally said, "Sir, if you could just confirm that this is your wife's body that's been struck by lightning, then we'll be done here."
 

Gw33dz

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A wife went to her husband and hit him up for $20,000 for a boob job.
"$20,000!!!! I'll give you bigger breasts for free" he exclaimed.
The wife asked "how are you going to achieve that??"
He said "every morning rub toilet paper on them"
"how is that going to do it" she responded.
"Well it worked on your a55 didn't it??"
 

Mavericks Choice

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The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the talk of the town. After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child.
The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said, 'This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?'
The old man grinned and said, 'You get to keep the old motor running.'
The following year, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their second child.
The same nurse was attending the delivery and again went out to congratulate the old gentleman. She said, 'Sir, you are something! How do you manage it?'
The old man grinned and said, 'You gotta keep the old motor running.'
A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their third child.
The same nurse was there for this birth also and, after the delivery, she once again approached the old gentleman, smiled, and said, 'Well, you surely are something awesome! How do you do it?'
The old man replied, 'It's like I've told you before, you gotta keep the old motor running'
The nurse, still smiling, patted him on the back and said: Well, I guess it's time to change the oil. This one is black!
 
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