Joke of the Day

[Mavericks Choice]

A prostitute standing outside a motel in a small town saw a 70+ year old man walking past. She hasn't had a customer for a while so she whistles at him and says, "Hey, would you like to have some fun time with me?"
The old man said, "But I won't be able to..." "C'mon man.... give it a try... " She says.
Old man says okay. They go in. The moment they get to the bed, the old timer becomes a machine and makes passionate love to her an hour straight.
When he's done, the prostitute catches her breath. Exhausted and tired she says, "But you said you won't be able to...." "...pay you." completed the old man.

 

[Mavericks Choice]

I was serving this smug git in a suit in Burger King when he asked, "So, do you enjoy your job then?"
"Yeah, it's ok," I replied.
He said, "I'm designing a robot that, in years to come, will take your place."
"Yeah? Good luck teaching it how to spit," I said, handing over his burger!!..

 

[Rocketeer]

 

[hademall]

As I prepared to pay the barmaid with my credit card, she asked me, “would you prefer to insert it, swipe it, or tap it sir? To which I replied “I’d love to do all three, but not while my wife is sitting there watching me!”

 

[Mavericks Choice]

I discovered that by answering the door naked deters trick or treaters.
Oh here's 2 more.........
Dressed as coppers!!..

 

[yamahahatim]

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Johnny was in the playground with his friend Jimmy, when he noticed the brand new shiny watch Jimmy was wearing.
"Did you get that for your birthday?" he asked. "Nope," Jimmy replied. "Well did you get it for Christmas then?" Johnny asked. "...Nope."
"You didn't steal it, did you?" "No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night when they 'doing the nasty'.
Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me. Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new watch.
He vowed to get one for himself. That night he waited outside his parents' room until he heard the unmistakable noises of lovemaking.
Johnny swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and asked him angrily; "What do you want now?"
"I wanna watch," Johnny replied. Without missing a stroke, his father said, "Fine. Stand in the corner and keep quiet, then."

 

[Mavericks Choice]

I Had the police knocking on my door at 3am this morning.. They said "we're looking for a man with one eye".. I said, "use them both, u'll find him quicker"

 

[Skydrol]

 

[Mavericks Choice]

I think my local garage is ripping me off, does anyone else think £500 for a Tesla exhaust is a lot?