Outlaw Torn
New Member
- Joined
- Sep 23, 2005
- Messages
- 165
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- Age
- 35
- Location
- Opononi, NZ
- Members Ride
- 91 FORD EA Falcon (So sue me)
Hehe its been a while so i guess i got some catchin up to do in the jokes department 
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"
When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!"
The Teacher fainted.
School photograph:
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grownup and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'"
A small voice at the back of the room rang out belonging to little Johnny, "And there's the teacher. She's dead."
Oral exam
Johnny missed his final exam due to the flu, but he'd done so well during the year that the teacher suggests to the principal they give him an oral exam to make up for the test he'd missed.
The principal agrees so they called Johnny into the office and explain about the oral test.
First the teacher asks, "Johnny what does a cow have four of, that I only have two of?"
Johnny replies, "Legs."
So the teacher asks, "Johnny, what do you have in your pants that I don't have in my pants?"
"Pockets," Johnny replies.
Finally the teacher asks, "And Johnny, what is the capital of Italy?"
"Rome," is his answer.
With that the teacher turns to the principal and asks, "Well, shall we pass him?"
"Better not ask me," the principal says, "I got the first two wrong!"
Prediction
"Can people predict the future with cards?" Suzie asked Little Johnny.
"My mother can," said Johnny.
"Really?"
"Yes, she takes one look at my report card and can tell me exactly what will happen when my Daddy gets home."
Toothbrushing penis
Mum walked into the bathroom one day and found young Johnny furiously scrubbing his dick with a toothbrush and toothpaste.
"What the hell do you think you're doing, young man!" she exclaimed.
"Don't try to stop me!" Johnny warned. "I'm gonna do this three times a day, because there's no way I'm gonna get a cavity that looks and smells as bad as my sister's."
Little Jonny & Susie
Little Johnny and Susie were only 10 years old, but they just knew that they were in love.
One day they decided that they wanted to get married, so Johnny went to Susie's father to ask him for her hand.
Johnny bravely walked up to him and said "Mr. Smith, me and Susie are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replied, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replied "In Susie's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith said with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Susie."
Again, Johnny instantly replied, "Our allowance... Susie makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that'll do us just fine."
By this time Mr. Smith was a little shocked that Johnny had put so much thought into this. So, he thought for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny wouldn't have an answer for.
After a second, Mr. Smith said, "Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"
Johnny just shrugged his shoulders and said, "Well, we've been lucky so far...."
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"
When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!"
The Teacher fainted.
School photograph:
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grownup and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'"
A small voice at the back of the room rang out belonging to little Johnny, "And there's the teacher. She's dead."
Oral exam
Johnny missed his final exam due to the flu, but he'd done so well during the year that the teacher suggests to the principal they give him an oral exam to make up for the test he'd missed.
The principal agrees so they called Johnny into the office and explain about the oral test.
First the teacher asks, "Johnny what does a cow have four of, that I only have two of?"
Johnny replies, "Legs."
So the teacher asks, "Johnny, what do you have in your pants that I don't have in my pants?"
"Pockets," Johnny replies.
Finally the teacher asks, "And Johnny, what is the capital of Italy?"
"Rome," is his answer.
With that the teacher turns to the principal and asks, "Well, shall we pass him?"
"Better not ask me," the principal says, "I got the first two wrong!"
Prediction
"Can people predict the future with cards?" Suzie asked Little Johnny.
"My mother can," said Johnny.
"Really?"
"Yes, she takes one look at my report card and can tell me exactly what will happen when my Daddy gets home."
Toothbrushing penis
Mum walked into the bathroom one day and found young Johnny furiously scrubbing his dick with a toothbrush and toothpaste.
"What the hell do you think you're doing, young man!" she exclaimed.
"Don't try to stop me!" Johnny warned. "I'm gonna do this three times a day, because there's no way I'm gonna get a cavity that looks and smells as bad as my sister's."
Little Jonny & Susie
Little Johnny and Susie were only 10 years old, but they just knew that they were in love.
One day they decided that they wanted to get married, so Johnny went to Susie's father to ask him for her hand.
Johnny bravely walked up to him and said "Mr. Smith, me and Susie are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replied, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replied "In Susie's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith said with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Susie."
Again, Johnny instantly replied, "Our allowance... Susie makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that'll do us just fine."
By this time Mr. Smith was a little shocked that Johnny had put so much thought into this. So, he thought for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny wouldn't have an answer for.
After a second, Mr. Smith said, "Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"
Johnny just shrugged his shoulders and said, "Well, we've been lucky so far...."
